Friday, April 23th | Respect the Architect (Guru) -- R.I.P.

Good Evening! It’s FEEL GOOD FRIDAY! Best of all, a new episode of Wife Swap chockfull of immature adults was on tonight. One family was a Heene copycat, whereas the other believed in home schooling. Aye, Mios Dios! I’ll let the Heene-wannabas slide for today, but I must object to the home schoolers. I am, for the most part, against home schooling because too many parents don’t do it correctly. For instance, you can’t allow kids to choose what they would like to learn—and here’s why!

Learning 2 Learn (4 the Kids!)
Knowledge is power, but the ability to acquire new knowledge is even greater power.

I used to be a brilliant mathematician. During my college tenor, I breezed through Calculus I and II without difficulty. But nowadays, I would be lucky to pull a C+, at best, on a basic Algebra exam. I’ve forgotten all about exponential functions, quadratic equations and something called FOIL. If you give me a word problem, don’t be surprised if I crumble right in front of your eyes!

So what was the point of me learning algebra in the first place? This reminds me of an episode of Home Improvement, in which Brad asks Jill and Tim (his parents) why he needs to know how to solve compound fractions. Jill, in a temporary moment of blind insanity, describes how she uses compound fractions to calculate how much milk and cheese she needs to make cheese milk. What the heck is cheese milk!?

Seriously though, most of us don’t need to know about compound fractions, chemical equations and those subatomic thingamajigs called electronics. We will probably never use this knowledge during our adult lives. What we will use, however, is the ability to learn new concepts and ideas. That’s the point of studying all these wild and wacky concepts—to learn how to learn! And that’s exactly what highschool teaches us how to do. College, on the other hand, provides us with the basic skills and knowledge base we need need to excel at our career of choice. But what happens afterward?

You are on your own—that’s what! For instance, if you want to become a computer programmer, then you can take college courses on Java concepts like objects and classes. You'll learn about Java and even get you a chance to design your own Java program. But what happens after you graduate, and you're at work, and the boss asks you to write a program, and your teacher isn't available to assist? What then?

Here’s another example. I write technical reports for a product-database company. It is my job to analyze products like computers, Blu-ray disc players and stereo systems, and then prepare reports that describe their features and functions. Before I started this job, I had never even heard of a Blu-ray player, let alone a DSLR camera, a stereo passive crossover network or a solid-state drive. I studied hard and taught myself.

Back to algebra. I may not know how to solve quadratic functions, but I bet you that given a few days to relearn the material, I could blast through them like SpamBusters! It's because I possess the ability to learn or relearn material, whether new or old. If it weren’t for the education I received in highschool, I wouldn’t have this ability. Instead I’d be stuck scratching my head and tummy in confusion.

Look.......while in highschool, don’t concern yourself too much about what you’re learning. That doesn't mean don't pay attention! You can choose electives that fit with your career aspirations, but don’t make a fuss about being forced to learn about world history, mathematics, and science, to name a few. The extra info you acquire may seem useless, but learning to learn it—that’s priceless!

Archie Comics Introduces a Gay Character

Jughead isn’t gay? (BADA BOOM) That joke sucked.

Market Trading

I was very successful with my trading this week. Plus I’ve decided to rely on myself, instead of depending on my parents, which would have been the opposite of my initial goal to begin with! Starting today, I am depositing $10 into my real trading account every two weeks. At the moment, I will literally be trading with pennies and, if lucky, nickels. It could take months and months and months before I have enough equity to command some real leverage, but that gives me a perfect opportunity to test my strategies with REAL MONEY, albeit very little real money.

Anyway, if anyone is interesting in getting into FX trading, here are a few basic tips from an amateur:

#1. Use METATRADER 4 for all your chart analysis! Everything else is TRASH.

#2. Use OANDA for your broker. Everyone else is full of SHIT.

#3. Never use more than a 50:1 leverage ratio. It’s not worth the RISK.

#4. Read, study and read/study some more. Knowledge is POWER.

#5. Learn patience and discipline. Otherwise you will lose EVERYTHING.

Movie Recommendation

Endgame is a 2009 British film that "dramatizes the final days of apartheid in South Africa." It was independently produced, so it looks like crap, but it’s well worth it! If you don’t know what apartheid is, by the way, then you need to study your history books!



R.I.P. Guru

On April 19, rapper Guru, 43, succumbed to multiple myeloma. Many cite Guru as a true lyricist/rapper, unlike modern artists, whom they claim are fake, pop-culture-based knockoffs. With all due respect, this belief is based on total bullshit!

80s rap was divided between two basic types of lyricists: the intellectuals and non-intellectuals. The intellectual fellows, like Guru, spread intricate lyrics laced with avant-garde insights, whereas the non-intellectual fellows, like Chubb Rock, for instance, wrote fun or even outright ‘gangsterish’ songs that did indeed sound poetic—at least versus the crude, unabashed lyrics we hear nowadays—yet were no different than the lyrics of modern rappers like Lil Wayne, Gucci Mane and T.I. It’s all semantics.

The precise words being spoken today may differ, but the general messages being conveyed still remain the same—whether for better or worse. So whether you like it or not, both “good” and “bad” rap is here to stay! So no offense, but get over it! And yes, I realize that I’m a total hypocrite for using a phrase that I previously disparaged.

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Anyway. I’m up out. Sighs… a few days after 4/20 and I’m out of you-know-what, even though I got $25 in my pocket. Ain’t that a B!? Betty White is getting really pissed off…. (refers to a comment I made earlier this week). She’s turning into Aretha Franklin! (that B don’t play no bull SHHHHHHHH….)

PS – Why do the families on Wife Swap bitch so much? They must strip away their normal life for only a fricken week! I’d love to drag their asses off to India for a MONTH and see how they like that! And why is it that the fathers ALWAYS magically come to their senses during the last 15 minutes of the show!?

Friday, April 16th | Ball Like Magic (Sonny King)

I’ve been enamored with this song ever since I heard it on the radio. The artist is quite unknown in that he has yet to blow up, so please google him and show some love.

Anyway, I’m suffering from fatigue and a fever, so my writing is going to be all over the place tonight. Plus I’m tired from writing technical report after report (including one on the Microsoft Kin One/Two) and article after article (including one on Thailand’s monkey police), not to mention caring for a dog, working out (despite ZERO upper-body gains), and studying the foreign currency exchange market. That reminds me…

Forex(FX) Market

I’ve been testing a myriad of different FX strategies this week. For the most part, they’ve all failed. I may, however, have finally stumbled on a successful approach by trading cross currencies (those that don’t involve the US dollar) like the EUR/CHF (Euro/Swiss Franc). I’ve managed to turn my net profit from –249 to –213, and I’m going to continue trading this method next week, in the hope that it’ll keep producing consistent results.

Once and ONLY ONCE I’ve proven that I can consistently procure successful trades over an extended period of time, my family will invest $250 to $500 into an account for me. My goal then will be to quad+-ruple the money and eventually become rich. It could take weeks, months or even years before this day arrives, but I intend to keep studying and demo-trading the market until I beat it, no matter how long it takes.

This isn’t just about securing financial wealth for myself, though. My parents are in their 50s/60s, yet they’re unable to retire due to all the expenses incurred from raising my obnoxious ass. The consequences of my teenage exploits—juvenile detention fees, court fees, rehab fees, crashed cars and much, much more—have cost them a heap of dough. As they have spent most of their adult lives caring for me, it is now time for me to return the favor and take care of them!

You know, if your parents are still alive and they were good parents, then don’t you dare ever lose motivation. Your spouse may have left you, your kids may hate you and even the dog might despise you—which begs the question: why the heck do you suck so much??—but your parents are still there for you, so why not be there for them? That’s real.

Doggy Discipline

Dog trainers say you should give your dog a treat for behaving well and ignore it when it behaves improperly. That’s like saying, “If you don’t rob the bank, I’ll give you $5.” Uh… sure thing, Skippy, but I’d rather rob the bank and get $5000! I’m not saying their strategy is wrong, but I strongly believe that certain dogs are too clever for such a passive methodology. So here’s what I do:

For one, I don’t give my dog a treat for just doing what she’s supposed to be doing. When she does something truly excellent, then she might earn a little biscuit, pretzel rod or, if she’s lucky, a cheese-stick. Otherwise, she ain’t getting jack shit! You gotta earn your keep around here, Homegirl! You don’t pay rent, you don’t do chores and you don’t even clean your own poop. Come on now!

Second, giving a dog a treat every time she performs well is like giving children money every time they bring home good grades. If you suddenly stop rewarding their behavior with treats & money, there’s a heavy possibility their rambunctious behavior will reappear once again. Mind you, Roland Fryer disagrees!

Third, I’m the pack leader, which means I’m the boss. And if you fail to follow the boss, you will suffer the consequences, which may include a 24-hour indoor lockdown, the silent treatment and even me farting in your face. Well, I discovered that the last one doesn’t work well because dogs apparently like the scent of poop—God knows why!—but I’m working on finding a suitable punishment-replacement.

I’m a tough disciplinarian and I don’t play bullshit. If I ever have boys, for instance, I’m going to raise them to be real men. I don’t want them turning out to be scared, apprehensive punks. They will study hard, play sports, maintain a humongous real-life social network, have sex in HS—protected, mind you, but lots of it!—and lead successful adult lives. You can bet your ascot on that!

Anyway. “My” dog is leaving in less than 30 days and even though I will miss her dearly, I bet you anything she won’t miss me. Sorry, but I ain’t falling for the ‘princess eyes,’ LADY! You in Celebrity Dog Bootcamp for right now, homegirl!



Shoes and Success

Wearing good shoes coupled with nice clothes doesn’t equate to being successful. I love looking fly when I can, but most of the time I look like pure shit. My hair is unkempt, my clothes are stained and my fingernails have been chewed/bitten-off to death. This sadly gives me the appearance of a bum, when in fact I am anything but one.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all down with fancy shit, but I just hate being looked down upon just because I don’t have any. Instead of spending money on shoes, clothes and a haircut, I’d rather direct my loot toward paying rent/bills, building a savings account and, of course, funding my drunken weekend binges (nobody’s perfect!).

This reminds me of the story about the ant and the grasshopper. The ant spent all summer gathering food/supplies and building his anthill, while the grasshopper rode around the lawn in his pebble-mobile with 20-micrometre, acorn-shell rims, smoking on leaf blunts and flirting with cute grasshopper hoes. But when wintertime finally came, the ant could be found sitting by his anthill fireplace, smoking out his petite leaf bong and making steamy love to his Queen, while the grasshopper, on the other hand, was outside digging snow, trying to earn enough to pay his gas bill.

In life, you can either be the ant or the grasshopper. There’s nothing wrong with spending money on things you enjoy—cars, jewelry, pizza, beer, whatever—but don’t be quick to cast your eyes down on someone who doesn’t fit what you consider to be the standard for success. Because a lot of the time, the grasshoppers are the ones flashing their money and living it up, while the ants are quietly building their fortune, waiting for their day to let it all loose and retire! N u kno that’s right!

Speaking of which, today has been BALLER DAY! While outside with my dog around 10:30 or so at night, car after car passed by bumping hot beats. Yo… WHERE THA BALLAZZZZ AT!???? Having a car with loud speakers doesn’t necessarily mean one is a baller, per se, but to my no-car-having ass, you’re baller so long as you have wheels and music! An old lady in a wheelchair holding onto a boombox is a baller as far as I’m concerned! Bust that beat, Granny! 4 real though… I have no hate toward people who enjoy nice cars and loud music! Do what you do, playa!

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Alright. That’s it. Night!

PS - My apologies to K97.5. I discovered the reason for my poor signal reception: my piece-of-crap, 5-year-old analog headset! I installed a fake-ass aluminum antenna on it to improve signal reception, and so it’s working slightly better now. I need to gon’ head and upgrade to this beast right here.

Friday, April 9th | So Fine (Howard Johnson)

WARNING ** Bad Grammar, Bad Punctuation, Bad Jokes, Bad EVERYTHING **

If you don’t like this song, then you’re either single & bitter and that’s okay, you’re gay & prefer Big Johnson’s “He's So Fine” remix and that’s okay, or you’re just jive, and that’s never okay!

Anyway, I’m just writing this because it’s 12am and I’m very bored. Otherwise, I would not even take the time to write anything because I just don’t care right now. I’m tired, bored, ridiculously full from eating pizza and PECAN PIE (mmm mmm GOOD SHIT, GOOD SHIT!), uninspired beyond belief, and impatiently waiting to get paid from boss #2.

One Million Mentors

I sadly could not attend the rally. Of the 12 people in my mobile phone contact list, the 4 or 5 who were actually available opted to pursue other endeavors instead. I’m disappointed, but I’m still going to pursue becoming a mentor. It did occur to me, however, that perhaps I should wait until I finally get a car again—it’s been over half a decade—because otherwise, I won’t even be able to take the kid anywhere. I need a got dang car, not a roller scooter, although I do greatly appreciate the donation that was either purposefully or accidentally left in my backyard! (I'm still waiting for the perfect time at night to test it out; I REFUSE to be seen playing with a scooter at my age!) I'm not making excuses, by the way. However, if I'm unable to make it to a mentor's meeting only 30 miles away, then it's quite unlikely I'd be able to mentor anyone, unless they live awfully close to me. The truth is that money is power, which is why...

Forex Markets

I have begun studying the Forex (FX) markets yet again. I quit practicing in 2009 because right when I started procuring big wins, my demo account was closed by FXCM due to expiration. I now have a new account with Oanda, as they are allowing me to operate a demo account indefinitely. Plus this time around, I am foregoing long-term strategies in favor of 1-minute scalping methods. As far as I can tell, mastering the Forex currency-exchange market is my one and only ticket to a better life. My amateurish writing, half-ass good looks, and wildly inappropriate sense of humor just aren't good enough to blast me to success, and that's real. Thankfully, Aspies are supposed to be especially skilled at spotting patterns; I am counting on this supposedly ingrained ability to aid me! What sucks is that the FX market is closed during the weekend. I would love to play with my demo account right now, but oh well!

2012

I watched '2012' last weekend, and it got me thinking. I was going to prepare a potentially long spiel on the subject, but by the time I finished my daily work, it was already 4am (time for Monk on Channel 126) or later, and so I wrote jack shit. I was essentially wanting to say that the world is not going to bloody end. The way in which we as a society currently function might 'end' per se, even though I highly doubt it. Most likely, nothing whatsoever will occur. In case something does happen, however, I'm 100% certain it will be positive, in that it will help propel us to a better age -- one full of love, tolerance, and prosperity. So please wipe 'end of the world' thoughts from your head because the very notion is outright ridiculous, not to mention insane. There will be no death panels, Armageddon, or Anti-Christ (although Mahmoud Ahmadingdong kind of looks like Satan, what with that beard).



Jogging on Friday

I witnessed a slew of joggers today. WTF is wrong with you people? You're not supposed to engage in vigorous activity -- besides sex -- on Feel Good Friday! In fact, you're not even supposed to touch yourself, although others are welcome to touch you. This is in fact the very reason I never bathe on Friday. I sure would love to find a woman willing to scrub-a-rub-dub me down on Fridays because I hate feeling so dingy! Sighs... as I said earlier: Bad Jokes, Bad EVERYTHING!

Dogs and the Wanda Sykes Show

My dog is a bloody lesbian. She fears men, yet she craves the attention of women, especially younger women. (effin Cougar!) It's all my fault, though. I should have never let her watch the Wanda Sykes show with me.



That's a horrible picture of Wanda Sykes, and the second dog doesn't even match the third dog, but WHATEVER!

That's it, folks. This is one of those weeks. The key to writing is inspiration. Without it, you can't get anywhere. And since inspiration is unlikely to return anytime soon -- what with my life as boring as it is -- I am officially going on a Feel-Good-Friday Writing SPRING BREAK!

Friday, April 2nd, 2010 | Hood Dreamer (Willy Northpole, BoB)

Good Evening, everyone!

This will be a relatively short post (I started writing this Friday afternoon, around 3:30pm). I’ve been extremely busy writing for money, so I haven’t had much time to write for personal pleasure. Truthfully, I’m very behind with several of my bills, not to mention my huge upcoming tax payment. FUDGE…. I need a better-paying job! All is well that ends well, though.

More Self-Righteous Crap

As some of you are aware, I snapped like a twig earlier this week. I sometimes lose my bearings because I tend to hold in all my emotions. When I encounter negativity on the Internet, I try my hardest to ignore it, although I truthfully would love nothing more than to counter the negativity with even more negativity. When someone calls Gabourey Sidibe a ‘fatass,’ for instance, I’m tempted to rebut their comment by saying, “Your Mother is a fatass, bitch!” Why don’t I, then?

Well, I feel like doing that would be wrong. Turning into a foul-mouthed jerk isn’t my idea of spiritual enlightenment. Some would say I’m being fake or a pussy, but I was taught to be polite and patient with others, no matter how much they irritate me. The problem with this methodology, however, is that unexpressed emotions oftentime accumulate into a large ball of anger, hatred and resentment. What typically follows afterward is a passionate rant and rave full of obscenity and ignorance, not to mention spelling & grammar errors galore.

This, unfortunately, is the price WE must pay as good people. The easy and preferred route is to ditch our dignity and class in favor of a system of ‘realness’ whereby we always act and speak based on our primordial instincts. The more proper route, in my opinion, entails learning to keep a firm grip on our emotions, lest we embarrass ourselves or, even worse, hurt someone’s feelings. Nobody deserves to have his or her spirit dampened just because we’re incapable of maintaining our composure. It’s difficult to do, but no one ever said living righteously would be easy.

But realistically, everyone sometimes pops his or her top. All we can do when this happens is ask for forgiveness and hope for the best. Sadly, many people refuse to take responsibility and ask for forgiveness. They instead try to rationalize their iniquitous behavior by making claims like ‘life is unfair,’ by blurting out phrases like ‘get over it,’ or by making pathetic excuses like ‘I just had penile enlargement surgery and my penis hurts.’ But a right is a right and a wrong is a right, and two wrongs never make a right. You can either choose to make the right decision, or you can choose to make the wrong decision. There’s no skirting around the truth.

If you do fuck up, which does occasionally happen, you need to take responsibility for it. If you opt to not take responsibility, then you’re only harming yourself by tarnishing your image, as well as allowing your character to be corrupted. And the more corrupt your character becomes, the harder it becomes for you to recover. Some people have fallen so deep into the ‘abyss of darkness,’ if you will, that they can’t even see the light anymore. Their world is a gloomy bastion marked by malevolent thoughts and cynicism. These people are quite easy to spot, as they always wear a sly smirk underneath eyes beaming with contempt.

Look, it’s okay to make a mistake, but it’s never okay to deny it. Why would you even want to deny it? To deny the truth is to deny yourself, which in turn only prevents you from growing further as a person. Anywho…enough of all this self-righteous mumbo jumbo.

Jamie Oliver’s ‘Food Revolution’

I love this guy and I love what he is doing for America. Mind you, I personally will never give up processed foods. I love processed grilled chicken because when I try to cook chicken myself, it tastes like ass; I love processed cottage cheese because I’m not too keen on milking a cow; and I love processed orange juice because I don’t eat raw fruits, although I love to eat raw vegetables.

But this show isn’t about you or me. It’s about our children. The earlier we educate our children about quality foods, the more likely they will grow up to be smart consumers who eat healthy, and therefore live longer and more fruitful lives. Daps to you Mr. Oliver, even though your slow-paced show ain’t got NOTHING on Chef Gordon Ramsey’s ‘Kitchen Nightmares’! But truthfully, Jamie is 10x more humble and down-to-Earth than Ramsey will ever be. He is in essence everything that Ramsey is not. Ramsey is great for pure entertainment, but Oliver is the one bringing real change to our nation!

Asperger’s Syndrome

CNN had an interesting article about Asperger’s Syndrome earlier today. Here is a comment I submitted to the feed:

Fascinating post and fascinating comments. I have Asperger’s Syndrome and I suppose I do see the world in pictures and ideas, which is why when listening to a rap video chockablock with violence and misogyny, I instead daydream a make-believe world full of peace and prosperity. The beat drives me to tap into my imagination, and oftentimes in a positive way; I don't know why!

Yet I am incapable of accurately expressing my visions via my writing. And even worse, when I read a book, I can barely picture the characters. They typically all look the same, from book to book, because my brain cannot remember minute details, such as what someone is wearing or how their face looks. In fact, the hero always has my beautiful face, while the damsel always has the face of the woman of my dreams.

I hate Tolkien, by the way, because his descriptive writing bores me to death. And what’s worse is that I’m an aspiring writer/novelist, despite the fact that I can’t describe scenery worth a got damn.

Leno and Hypocrisy

Jay Leno, who I am somewhat a fan of, kind of pissed me off this week. First of all, he’s apparently against the full legalization of marijuana, which is quite shocking considering his band-leader is one of the world’s most famous bald pot-smokers. Regardless, what really irks me is that he finds the adulterous behavior of celebrities like Jesse James and Tiger Woods hypocritical.

I couldn’t disagree more. The real hypocrisy, in my opinion, is the public’s reaction. We as a society act as if we are without sin. Seriously, how many of you reading this right now have ever cheated on a spouse or a lover? I’m not going to excuse your behavior, but I’m also not going to chastise you either. It’s none of my business; plus it’s up to you to account for your shady actions. So who the fuck am I or who the fuck are you to judge someone so harshly for a mistake that probably more than 50% of the American public themselves have made? Hell, even I once cheated on a lover. ME. Mwa. (She refused to celebrate our 8th-month anniversary, so I celebrated it with someone else!) If innocent ol’ me is vulnerable to sin, then who isn’t!?

Another issue that’s been bothering me is everyone’s harsh criticism toward Richard Heene. The guy did something inexcusable and is paying the price for it. Other than that, let him be. He’s not a bad father—he loves his children dearly—but he is definitely a fame-obsessed man who could benefit from therapy. I understand his sentiment, though, because fame/fortune is something that I too once craved, even though I know now it’ll probably never happen. When I was younger, though, I was unable to grasp that concept; either I would get rich or die trying. I’ve matured considerably since then and now accept my fate as a common layman. It looks like Richard Heene has reached the point in his life where he must accept the same fate as well. Good luck to you, Sir!


Wife Swap

Wife Swap is a terrific show. It’s kind of like a sociological experiment. What happens when you mix up two totally opposite families? It’s a fascinating process that almost always begins with a tremendous deal of rebelliousness, frustration, and even apathy: “These people are disgusting!” (lol) But over time, the families end up learning so much from one another. That’s what it’s all about, man. One family is overly disciplined, while the other family has absolutely no work ethic. Or one family never smiles, while the other family freely expresses their love for one another. By the end of the show, hopefully both families have found a common medium that benefits the children.

One Million Mentors

First of all, I heard there will be a walk of some sort in Fayetteville next Saturday. Kudos and I wish ya’ll the best of luck! I won’t be attending the walk, as I’ll be passed out drunk, but I do plan to attend the One Million Mentors meeting at:

Hillside High School
Durham, NC 27707
Cost: FREE
Date: April 9, 2010
Time: 7:00pm – 8:30pm

Feel free to check it out, if you would like.

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I hate having nothing funny to say—I get the greatest happiness in life from making other people fall out of their seats in laughter—and I especially hate spouting the same self-righteous rhetoric yet AGAIN, but I’m temporarily out of funny thoughts. Humor doesn’t come to me as quickly as it does to Wanda Sykes or Jay Leno. Plus I don’t have enough free time to sit around and make jokes (facetious sarcasm alert).

I would love to write another comedic column, but I’m unable to come up with a good idea. One thought was to write about eating healthy: “Want to eat healthy? Eat chicken… preferably LIVE CHICKEN!” Meh… I don’t know. We shall see; we shall see!

PS – By the way, I discovered that the Erykah Badu issue isn’t just black and white. During a discussion about her video on the MB show today, I discovered that even some black people find her video offensive and “pretentious.” I disagree with them, but I learned my lesson! Never group people who disagree with you into a stereotype. That’s just plain dumb!

PS #2 – I stopped being a racist ass and finally decided to give ‘My Name is Earl’ a chance, and BY GOLLY, it’s a pretty darn good show, bro-ham! It, however, isn't good enough to EVER replace Seinfeld on TBS. E. V. E. R.!