I haven’t had enough time to sit down and really think this week because, once again, I've been extremely busy just trying to maintain. America is in a recession and times are tough! And so since I’m kind of desperate for meaningful comment and in a hurry to produce something quickly, don’t be surprised if I pull stuff out my ass tonight.
Is It Really Racist?
Is it truly racist for an organization to exclude certain people based on race? What about gender, age, and income? I’m not certain how valid this is, but I assume that the Boy Scouts of America is exclusive to only young boys—and vice versa for the Girl Scouts. In addition, country clubs, sports teams, and even the government (a person must be at least 35 to be President or Vice President, 30 to be a Senator, or 25 to be a Representative) all base their membership on certain qualifications, including age, gender, and income. So why can’t an organization exclude members based on race as well?... I’m still working on an answer to this question.
CNN Story Comments
CNN gets blown up with some of the dumbest comments ever written. For the sake of my sanity, I’m going to quickly rebut the most common and most annoying top 3 comments of all time:
#1. Learn to write correctly!
A news writer must constantly produce compelling stories that not only clearly relay relevant information, but also catch and hold onto the reader’s short attention span as well. Considering how many articles the average writer must handle within a day, it’s no surprise that occasional punctuation and grammar errors pop up. And editors, despite their diligent training, must process stacks of news story articles per day—so it’s likely that they might accidentally skip over an error or two now and again.
My point is that perfection just isn’t possible, at least not in regards to writing news stories. The news industry is extremely fast-paced and so the process of conveying news must be extremely efficient, which means that articles need to be written fast enough to keep up with the constant influx of incoming news. This leaves very little time for perfectionist-like proofreading. So unless you’ve worked in the field of writing, check your attitude at the door!
FYI—I don’t write news articles. My articles on WAN are kind of a combination between a news story and a feature article. A news story typically focuses on the five Ws: Who, What, When, Where, Why. In fact, the answers to all five questions should always be readily available within the first two paragraphs. With a feature story, you have the freedom to space things out and add a lit bit of commentary/opinion.
#2. This story isn’t news!
Every single action or event constitutes news. I just scratched my hairy butt; that’s news! According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, in fact, news is defined as “a report of recent events” or “previously unknown information.” Did you know that my left scrotal sack droops slightly more than my right scrotal sack? Yes—that’s news!
There are different categories of news, including Headline News, Entertainment News, Sports News, and even Weird Asian News. Even a piece of headline news doesn't necessarily have to be relevant to you; it need only be sensational in some way, shape, or form. So quit complaining about relevancy and go locate a story that is actually important to you.
#3. The title is misleading!
Writers use misleading headlines to draw the audience’s attention. However, just because the title is misleading does not make it incorrect. The key to creating such a headline is to utilize what’s known as a double entendre, wherein a spoken phase can be read in two separate ways. For instance, consider this headline: Prostitutes appeal to Pope. Does the Pope like the prostitutes, or are they appealing to him and atoning for their sins? That question in itself is plenty enough to draw in a curious and probably confused reader.
Random Pointless Question
Why does the guy on Reno 911 wear a pink bandana? Is he gay, and if so, why doesn’t he wear matching pink shorts and shoes?
Are You a Slave or Master of Your Life?<
Are you a slave to some predetermined destiny, or do you proudly commandeer the reins of your existence? If you answered yes to the former, then may I ask why you feel as if you’re trapped? What conditions supposedly bar you from achieving your dreams? You know, there are two ways you can approach life. The first method is to presume destiny and wait for fate to drive you toward that which you seek. The alternative requires that you take full responsibility for your gains and losses, which means putting forth the extra effort needed to push your own self—without fate’s assistance—straight up the stairs of success.
Do You Tiptoe Through Life
Some people tiptoe through life because they’re afraid of offending or hurting others. If somebody approaches you and complains about your activity, then certainly do apologize, but don’t allow them to change who you are. What I loathe more than anything is having my freedom restricted by people scared of the truth. To act a role is fake, and 'fakeness,’ in my opinion, is the opposite of truth.
During my trip to India, my brother oftentimes bemoaned my behavior, claiming that I was being disrespectful to those around me. The irony is that nobody else was complaining, including my uncles, cousins, and other relatives. He basically wanted me to sugarcoat my behavior so that it would better appeal to others—although it seemed like he wanted me to curb my behavior to better appeal to him. I absolutely refused to do that because that's akin to acting a role, which is fake.
The last thing I wanted was my family to perceive me in a false light. I desired that they know me for who I am—for better or worse. By the way, I don’t mean to put my brother on blast, but I got to be real!
Bankruptcy
I officially filed for bankruptcy this week. All was well, except for one slightly annoying occurrence. During the official hearing, the trustee (named SkinnyMan or something like that) burst out loudly with, I paraphrase, “You own practically nothing! Are you a Buddhist or something?” Luckily for him, I was adorned in my professional garb; otherwise, I would have jumped across the table and smacked him (j/k).
The truth is that I own plenty of valuables; it’s just that they’re not worth that much. All I really need to be happy is a fast computer with RoadRunner Internet access, an analog television set with a digital cable box and Movies-on-Demand, a bunch of protein-rich food, and a bevy of cheaply purchased fitness equipment.
Fame Without Fortune
I regret sharing my WAN links because local residents are starting to recognize me on the streets. This would be quite dandy if it weren’t for the fact that I just filed for bankruptcy! I’m famous but have no money, which basically makes me Kevin Federline.
Tattoos
I’m very interested in getting a tattoo, but I’m worried that my foolishness will drive me to choose something stupid like ‘Kid Dynomite’ or, even worse, ‘Unofficial Black Man.’
Traveling
I feel so sophisticated from having traveled to India that I just want to just smoke a cigar and make love to an Italian woman with a Russian accent.
Damn Dogs
Sighs. El Gringo’s list of party fouls keeps growing exponentially. Let’s review the most recent ones:
#1. Going ‘baffwoom’ on other people’s lawns. Speaking of which, I apologize to my neighbors for taking so long to clean it up. I prefer to allow the doo-doo to dry up and marinate in the soil because trying to scoop it up while it’s fresh and moist is quite nauseating.
#2. Taking too much bed-space. Just like a woman, this Lady dog likes to take up all the space on my bed. I’m so tired of being forced by women—or their canine counterparts—to make love to the wall! It’s MY bed, you bitch! (She’s a female dog and so my use of the word bitch is NOT INAPPROPRIATE in this instance.)
#3. Bringing the ball back only 75% of the way during a game of fetch. What the hell is your major malfunction, you bitch? (I’m enjoying this bitch thing wayyyy too much!) I wonder, at times, if she does this on purpose to hint that my throw sucked—which is certainly possible since I throw like a girl—or to make me work as hard as her. Conniving little mutt!
#4. Farting in my room. I feed you tiny bits of ham, chicken, and beef, and you return the favor by stinking up my room? No more food for you! NEXTTTTTTTTTT!
#5. Barking at my dark-black upstairs roommate while he was climbing the very dimly lit stairs. Racist ass motherfucker…
Don’t Touch Me
Howie Mandel made a quick appearance on the Jay Leno Show tonight to discuss his recently released book, ‘Don’t Touch Me’ which details his life as an extremely obsessive compulsive maniac. No matter where he goes and what he does, his extreme OCD interferes with his ability to function as a normal adult male. I’m very excited to read his book—as soon as my bankrupt ass can afford it, of course—because I understand his struggle to a tea. (or is it tee?) I hope one day in the faraway future to follow in his path by writing a book that depicts my struggle with Asperger's Syndrome and Social Anxiety Disorder. Much love and respect to you, Mr. Mandel. Oh, by the way, want to loan a brotha some money so he can quit his day-job and write that darn book? (wink wink) J/K
I want to go now an actually ENJOY MY WEEKEND! It’s 2:30am and I have yet to hit the chatrooms. pEaCe!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Friday, January 22nd | Mama Used to Say (Junior)
I'm sorry, but this post is kind of short. I'm been very busy this week and only had a few hours today to dedicate to it—most of which were spent lying in bed and trying to figure out WTF I'm interested in talking about.
Martin & Malcolm
Michael Baisden posed a great question this week. What would Martin and Malcolm most be proud of, and what would they most be ashamed of?
They'd be proud of how far we've all come, but they'd be equally disappointed at how much we have yet to learn. We waste far too much time hating and trying to destroy one another. A lot of us, in my opinion, aren't seeing the big picture because too much intolerance, apathy, and cynicism still line our hearts. MLK begged us to turn the other cheek, but we oftentimes choose to fire back with a punch instead—be it physical or verbal. We must stop hating and start loving, and that means opening our hearts to other people's feelings, because at the end of the day, emotions are all that bind us together.
Haiti
Sadly, many people refused to watch the telethon tonight due to their anger at all the involved celebrities—many of whose personal donations cannot be verified. They’re also complaining that celebrities aren’t donating enough money; FYI, I only donated $5, which is equivalent to a measly .4% of my monthly salary. However, HOW DARE ANYBODY presume who is donating and how much someone should donate. It’s this sort of callous and uncalled for cynicism that threatens to ruin this great country we all love so dearly. I daresay that the indigent masses struggling to survive in Haiti have more heart and much more to offer than these cowardly cynics ever will.
All White Basketball Team
A man known as Don ‘Moose’ Lewis has formed an ‘All White Basketball Team’ because “he wants to emphasize fundamental basketball instead of [the] ‘street ball’ played by ‘people of color.’” I can work with that; do you all day, everyday. What I cannot tolerate, however, is this blatantly racist clause lodged in their eligibility requirements:
"Only players that are natural born United States citizens with both parents of Caucasian race are eligible to play in the league.”
That’s called racism. Now, some people have mentioned the Congressional Black Caucus to me, which Wikipedia describes as exclusive to only Black Americans. I’m willing to admit that there refusal to admit any white members is extremely suspect and could be construed as racist as well. However, my blackness will not permit me to comment on this any further.
India
I hope that I didn't offend any local Hindus with my post last week. I was trying to be real and honest, while still dousing my piece with a smidgen of good humor. I'm interested in learning more about Hindu culture, but I don't want you calling me a Hindu. I'm an agnostic American with a predilection for black culture and Christianity. KK? Got it? Cool. Namaskar & Daps!
Jay vs Conan
This whole Jay Leno vs Conan O'Brien predicament is quite sad—especially the immature and hateful responses being generated by some of us in the general public. Both Jay and Conan have admitted that they hold no animosity toward each other because they realize that the real enemies are NBC and, more specifically, the affiliates bullying NBC into making such a rash decision. But even then, NBC isn't an enemy because all it's doing is conducting good ol' fashioned American business. The world isn't perfect and as Conan so eloquently put it, we don't always get everything that we want. That's life. In the words of Tupac Shakur, “I know it seems hard sometimes, but remember one thing. Through every dark night, there’s a bright day after that. So no matter how hard it get, stick your chest out, keep ya head up.... and handle it.”
It's too bad this happened, though, because I thoroughly enjoyed the way things were. I’m even willing to admit that Jay doesn’t really deliver quite nearly as many LOL moments as Conan does. Still, I like him nonetheless because he’s a good guy with a consistent track record. All in all, Jay tickles my funny bone from 10 to 11, Mo’Nique strokes it hard from 11 to 12, and Conan makes it bust from 12 to 12:30.
*Sighs* I'm going to miss the awkward little feller. And don't even get me started on tonight's heart-wrenching outgoing speech; it was so real and down to Earth. I especially appreciated his comments on washing away cynicism, never giving up hope, and staying focused on the future. God Bless you, Sir, and GOD SPEED! My prayers are with ya’ll, especially Andy! I don't love you, but I'll make love to you. Remember, loving a man is GAY, but making love to a man... not so much! (J/K)
Cats vs Dogs
I’ve always preferred the company of cats because they’re easy to manage. You feed them, water them, change their litter box, and then leave them to fend for themselves. The problem, however, lies in their lack of socialization skills; they’re quite obnoxious and moody little critters. They act like they can’t stand your presence, and then they go poop on your bed just because you left them alone for a day. Make up your damn mind. Do you want some attention or not?
Dogs, on the other hand, are loyal and friendly; they’ll stand by your side through thick and thin. But the problem is that they’re just so damn lazy: they don’t clean up after themselves, they ain’t got a job (cats are Mice Chasers), and they expect you to keep them continually entertained. Do I look like Bozo the Clown? This lack of responsibility, by the way, will be the lead-in for my first-ever upcoming short story, tentatively titled: Man vs. Dog — The War of the Turds.
I realize that it sounds stupid. And to be honest, it probably WILL BE stupid. But it’s my first-ever short story, man! I can only get better from here on out. I’m still developing the plot and characters in my head, so it won’t drop for awhile. I guess I'm just a 'punk writer' like Conan once was, but at least I'm not a fricken ginger! (I said it, yes I did!)
That’s it for this week. Keep your eyes peeled for an incoming slew of articles on WeirdAsiaNews.
~~~~~~~~
I want to officially end this post by reminding everybody of the misery still unfolding in Haiti. The children of Haiti are being forced to grow up much quicker than they should have ever been. To these children, I pass on the lyrics of artist Junior in the hopes that God will hear it and heed its message. God Bless and may the Lord wipe away their tears and unleash joy on their young spirits.
pEaCe
“
And mama used to say:
Take your time young man
And mama used to say:
Don't you rush to get old
And mama used to say
Take it in your stride
And mama used to say
Live your life
“
PS - The best way to help right now is to submit money or food. Unless you’re trained to handle such a tragedy or you work for a relief organization, it’s not wise to fly to Haiti. They don’t need bystanders interrupting the relief efforts.
Martin & Malcolm
Michael Baisden posed a great question this week. What would Martin and Malcolm most be proud of, and what would they most be ashamed of?
They'd be proud of how far we've all come, but they'd be equally disappointed at how much we have yet to learn. We waste far too much time hating and trying to destroy one another. A lot of us, in my opinion, aren't seeing the big picture because too much intolerance, apathy, and cynicism still line our hearts. MLK begged us to turn the other cheek, but we oftentimes choose to fire back with a punch instead—be it physical or verbal. We must stop hating and start loving, and that means opening our hearts to other people's feelings, because at the end of the day, emotions are all that bind us together.
Haiti
Sadly, many people refused to watch the telethon tonight due to their anger at all the involved celebrities—many of whose personal donations cannot be verified. They’re also complaining that celebrities aren’t donating enough money; FYI, I only donated $5, which is equivalent to a measly .4% of my monthly salary. However, HOW DARE ANYBODY presume who is donating and how much someone should donate. It’s this sort of callous and uncalled for cynicism that threatens to ruin this great country we all love so dearly. I daresay that the indigent masses struggling to survive in Haiti have more heart and much more to offer than these cowardly cynics ever will.
All White Basketball Team
A man known as Don ‘Moose’ Lewis has formed an ‘All White Basketball Team’ because “he wants to emphasize fundamental basketball instead of [the] ‘street ball’ played by ‘people of color.’” I can work with that; do you all day, everyday. What I cannot tolerate, however, is this blatantly racist clause lodged in their eligibility requirements:
"Only players that are natural born United States citizens with both parents of Caucasian race are eligible to play in the league.”
That’s called racism. Now, some people have mentioned the Congressional Black Caucus to me, which Wikipedia describes as exclusive to only Black Americans. I’m willing to admit that there refusal to admit any white members is extremely suspect and could be construed as racist as well. However, my blackness will not permit me to comment on this any further.
India
I hope that I didn't offend any local Hindus with my post last week. I was trying to be real and honest, while still dousing my piece with a smidgen of good humor. I'm interested in learning more about Hindu culture, but I don't want you calling me a Hindu. I'm an agnostic American with a predilection for black culture and Christianity. KK? Got it? Cool. Namaskar & Daps!
Jay vs Conan
This whole Jay Leno vs Conan O'Brien predicament is quite sad—especially the immature and hateful responses being generated by some of us in the general public. Both Jay and Conan have admitted that they hold no animosity toward each other because they realize that the real enemies are NBC and, more specifically, the affiliates bullying NBC into making such a rash decision. But even then, NBC isn't an enemy because all it's doing is conducting good ol' fashioned American business. The world isn't perfect and as Conan so eloquently put it, we don't always get everything that we want. That's life. In the words of Tupac Shakur, “I know it seems hard sometimes, but remember one thing. Through every dark night, there’s a bright day after that. So no matter how hard it get, stick your chest out, keep ya head up.... and handle it.”
It's too bad this happened, though, because I thoroughly enjoyed the way things were. I’m even willing to admit that Jay doesn’t really deliver quite nearly as many LOL moments as Conan does. Still, I like him nonetheless because he’s a good guy with a consistent track record. All in all, Jay tickles my funny bone from 10 to 11, Mo’Nique strokes it hard from 11 to 12, and Conan makes it bust from 12 to 12:30.
*Sighs* I'm going to miss the awkward little feller. And don't even get me started on tonight's heart-wrenching outgoing speech; it was so real and down to Earth. I especially appreciated his comments on washing away cynicism, never giving up hope, and staying focused on the future. God Bless you, Sir, and GOD SPEED! My prayers are with ya’ll, especially Andy! I don't love you, but I'll make love to you. Remember, loving a man is GAY, but making love to a man... not so much! (J/K)
Cats vs Dogs
I’ve always preferred the company of cats because they’re easy to manage. You feed them, water them, change their litter box, and then leave them to fend for themselves. The problem, however, lies in their lack of socialization skills; they’re quite obnoxious and moody little critters. They act like they can’t stand your presence, and then they go poop on your bed just because you left them alone for a day. Make up your damn mind. Do you want some attention or not?
Dogs, on the other hand, are loyal and friendly; they’ll stand by your side through thick and thin. But the problem is that they’re just so damn lazy: they don’t clean up after themselves, they ain’t got a job (cats are Mice Chasers), and they expect you to keep them continually entertained. Do I look like Bozo the Clown? This lack of responsibility, by the way, will be the lead-in for my first-ever upcoming short story, tentatively titled: Man vs. Dog — The War of the Turds.
I realize that it sounds stupid. And to be honest, it probably WILL BE stupid. But it’s my first-ever short story, man! I can only get better from here on out. I’m still developing the plot and characters in my head, so it won’t drop for awhile. I guess I'm just a 'punk writer' like Conan once was, but at least I'm not a fricken ginger! (I said it, yes I did!)
That’s it for this week. Keep your eyes peeled for an incoming slew of articles on WeirdAsiaNews.
~~~~~~~~
I want to officially end this post by reminding everybody of the misery still unfolding in Haiti. The children of Haiti are being forced to grow up much quicker than they should have ever been. To these children, I pass on the lyrics of artist Junior in the hopes that God will hear it and heed its message. God Bless and may the Lord wipe away their tears and unleash joy on their young spirits.
pEaCe
“
And mama used to say:
Take your time young man
And mama used to say:
Don't you rush to get old
And mama used to say
Take it in your stride
And mama used to say
Live your life
“
PS - The best way to help right now is to submit money or food. Unless you’re trained to handle such a tragedy or you work for a relief organization, it’s not wise to fly to Haiti. They don’t need bystanders interrupting the relief efforts.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Friday, January 15th | Return from India: Back to Life, Back to Reality (Soul II Soul)
The pictures included in this blog posting have all been taken from Google. My Mom, Pops, and brother were in charge of pictures/videos, and I doubt they'll allow me to share our family photos with ya'll.
A toasty cheeseburger drenched in ketchup and mustard; a Marlboro Light cigarette stuffed with freshly grown American tobacco; bacteria free water that’s been properly filtered a thousand times over; and sexy women who bathe frequently. God, it feels Great to finally be back HOME in my Mother country, the United States of America, the land of the free and the home of the brave. I’m a McDonalds-eating, Walmart-loving American and damn proud of it. Yo DJ—turn up the music and let’s get this party started!
The Parable of the Tree
Before I begin, I want to relate a parable that I've devised which accurately depicts my perception of 'family roots.'
Consider a tree seed. It lands upon the Earth and digs roots deep into the soil. It then sprouts upwards, gradually revealing generation after generation of descendents. Many years later, a lone baby seed lying atop the canopy tumbles from its parent and is whisked away to a far-off land. In time, it too lands upon the Earth and digs toward the ground and sprouts toward the sky, eventually forming its own ‘tree.’ The cycle continues on and on, until one day perhaps a great grand-descendent of the original seedling finds itself on an entirely new planet—or perhaps even in a whole different universe.
I am like the lone seed atop the canopy. Although my parents hail from India, I intend to build my own family tree here in the United States of America. I am not obliged to teach my children and grandchildren anything about India; they are welcome, though, to learn for themselves. Look folks—if we choose to identify ourselves strictly by our forefathers, then the truth remains that we are all nothing but cavemen and should therefore relish our ancestor’s past by drawing on walls and dancing by a raging midnight fire. Obviously though, our forefathers have resettled many times over in lands all across the globe. This, Ladies and Gentlemen, is the cycle of life.
I tire immensely of certain Indians who demand that I forego by beliefs, religion, and culture because of some purported obligation to recognize the culture of my forefathers. To these assholes, I say, “Fuck your cow!” (j/k) Seriously, though, I am a proud American. I will not watch Hindi movies, listen to Hindi music, or even read Hindi news just because some culturally obsessed turd has the audacity to try and define who I am. I choose my own destiny; the ability to decide for myself is what makes America such a wonderful place. Don’t get me wrong. I find the Indian culture to be fascinating; I just don’t want it forced on me.
Itinerary (for anybody who’s interested)
Delhi
Bereilly
Haldwani
Kashipur
Dehradun
Quality of Life
The quality of life in India is just plain miserable. Most homes have no heat, hot water, or Internet access. As for electricity, it comes and goes randomly; you’re lucky to have it for 50% of the day, if even that much. To take a shower, you first heat up the water on a stove, pour it into a bucket, mix it with cold water, and then pour it on yourself with a ladle. It's a very annoying experience, especially considering that India is currently in winter. You have to keep scooping and pouring, unless you don't mind freezing.
Culinary Delights
Indian food, in general, consists primarily of rice, dal, potatoes, and snacks. Their definition of a hotdog is a hotdug-bun stuffed with mashed up brown potatoes and lettuce—YUCK! It sucks because I went from a 150g/day protein diet to maybe 30g/day at best; the effect on my muscles is noticable, but I'm gradually rebuilding mass. It feels great to be back on a diet of chicken, cottage cheese, protein powder, and mixed vegetables! The best snack in India, by the way, is definitely Gulab Jamun!
Traffic Infrastructure (or the lack thereof)
Besides major cities like Delhi and Mumbai, India, for the most part, lacks an official traffic infrastructure. You choose which direction to drive—although you are supposed to stay on the left side—and it is up to you to weave in and out amongst the rickshaws, motorcycles, taxis, cars, horses, goats, cows, dogs, and beggars that crowd the streets. It is amazing, however, how well the Indians manage to avoid traffic accidents; despite the unending chaos, we witnessed only one incident throughout the whole three-week trip.
Noise Galore
Horns. Horns everywhere. Every five steps forward is littered by a never-ending cacophony of beeps, bellows, and burps howling from the cars that pass by me. It feels like somebody is pulling on my eardrums with a tweezer. You get used to it after a while, but damn it feels good to be back in the quiet suburban streets of Raleigh, North Carolina! Speaking of noise, a Muslim speaker sings at the entire city through a bullhorn approximately every three hours, even throughout the night. It’s very annoying to be constantly awakened by his loud ass, but it’s part of the culture here. I never realized that Islam has such a strong presence in India.
Indian Markets
Most Indian commerce occurs in tiny Mom and Pop shops instead of a super-market. Finding a pair of shoes can take hours because you must locate a shoe store amongst the hundreds of little depots that litter the alleyways. It’s a very inefficient system that needs a total rehaul from the bottom-up. My brother, being the Portland liberal that he is (no disrespect intended), supports such commerce, but I find it to be ineffective and a total waste of resources and time. It does, however, keep everybody employed.
Jewelry
Indians have an affinity for jewelry, including rings, bracelets, and necklaces. The irony is that my single bracelet outshined every piece of jewelry that I encountered. On more than one occasion, in fact, bystanders approached me and commented on much they liked my jewelry. In general, Indians seem to prefer gold, and they apparently don't mind if it's old and rusty. Personally, I demand that my jewelry sparkle in the sunlight.
Mahatmas Gandhi
Most notable about this trip was my visit to the memorial of world-renowed role model and hero Mahatmas Gandhi. On the eve of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, I want to remind readers that MLK was greatly inspired by Gandhi, particularly his belief in non-violent revolution.
Recommendations
#1. If you are a smoker planning a visit to India, then don’t waste a single rupee on Marlboros, Camels, or any other American brand of cigarettes. They are produced outside of America and therefore taste like shit. Your best bet is to purchase GoldFlake cigarettes—sold in a pack of 10 for approximately 35 rupees—from a street vendor.
#2. The best restaurant to dine at in Kashipur is the Hotel Manor. They have a brilliant Indian buffet, as well as a great continental menu. You can purchase a grilled chicken sandwich with French fries and coleslaw for only 90 rupees, which is less than 2.0 USD.
#3. Do not, under any circumstances, book a flight through Air India. The whole experience was lousy and completely under par compared to more reputable airlines like Lufthansa and American Airlines. Not only did we lose some of our luggage, but the crewmembers onboard refused to refill the toilet paper, and the food was just plain lousy.
#4. If you’re a weight-lifter or on a diet of some sort, make sure to bring along proper supplements like protein powder, Omega-3 fish oil tablets, and BOTTLED WATER.
#5. Don't give money to a street beggar; if you do, 5+ more will approach you within under 60 seconds. Trust me—I learned the hard way!
Interesting Family Members
Gyanshyam Mama
In Indian culture, a paternal Uncle is known as a ChaCha, whereas a maternal Uncle is known as a Mama. I appreciate the uniqueness of their family system, but there is no way in hell that my future American nephews and nieces will be referring to me as Mama; if anything, I’ll be known as ‘crazy Uncle ___’. Anyway. My favorite Uncle is Gyanshyam Mama. He is a former Indian powerlifting champion who used to deadlift approximately 550 pounds and bench 265 pounds. That’s not too much weight per American standards, but it’s tremendously impressive for India, especially considering that his most prolific days were back during the 70s and 80s. As well as showing me all his trophies, Gyanshyam Mama also treated me to his stash of beer and liquor for New Years. Lesson: Uncles know how to have the most fun! It didn't help, though, that my hating-ass Mom kept bitching at him to not let me drink more than 4 beers. Oh, pshhhhhh... quit hating, Lady! I drink a case of beer every weekend!
Where the G's at?
A maternal grandfather is known as Nana-G, a maternal grandmother as Nani-G, a paternal grandfather as Dada-G, and a paternal grandmother as Dadi-G. Yo—where the Gs at, son?
The Hindu Militant Midget
Although he’s not as cute as Michael Evans, my little cousin Rohit is as defensive of Hindu culture as Michael is of the black power movement. He constantly lectured me on Hindu culture and tutored me on Hindi words. Despite his obsession with India, Rohit does, however, have an intense passion for Michael Jackson; he claimed to have cried when he heard MJ passed away. This inspired me to teach him about other American artists like Lakeside, Naughty by Nature, and Earth Wind & Fire. By the time I left Haldwani, Rohit was addicted to my music. Ahhh—the pleasure that comes from having corrupted a Hindu youth!
The Anti-Indian Rocker
My cousin Mohit rejects everything about Indian culture. He instead pursues a life as a full-fledged Marilyn Manson and Godsmack loving rocker. He works for Travelocity, but spends his free time smoking on pure hash (and I mean PURE), drinking booze, and screwing his extremely sexy girlfriend. I enjoyed spending time with him, but I don’t particularly like his personality because he seems something cynical and two-faced. It'll be interesting to see how he changes as time progresses.
Mr. Sincere
My favorite cousin is Sumit. He’s a full-fledged Indian, but he possesses a golden heart full of love and spirit. He practically broke into tears during our departure. I’ll sincerely miss him and I hope that I can one day meet up with him again. Unfortunately for him, I have no intention of ever returning to India; the misery I suffered just isn’t worth it. Hopefully, he can one day find his way to the United States.
Sexy Cousins
It’s hilarious that such an ugly duckling like myself has so many sexy, beautiful cousins. Does this attraction to my female relatives make me a pervert? I sure hope not. Most disturbing of all is my cousin Ruthie, who bears a strong resemble to what my Mother looked like as a youth. My intense attraction for her is just plain sick and disgusting; I'll soon be scheduling an appointment with a therapist.
Indian Women
After this trip, I’ll now seriously consider an ‘AMERICAN Indian’ woman as a wife. The Americans I encountered on the airplane and at the airport were gorgeous, for the most part, and acted just as American as I do. They were attractive enough to put the average white woman to shame—and yes, I said it! Plus, they're really down to Earth and understand my struggle as an American Indian; and yes, I'm willing to classify myself as an AMERICAN Indian.
The Tragedy in Haiti
I’d like to extend all my love and blessings to the victims of the Haitian earthquake. If you haven’t already, please donate $5 to the Yele Haiti Foundation, founded by Wyclef Jean, by texting ‘YELE’ to 501501. Or better yet, donate $10 to the Red Cross by texting 'Haiti' to 90999. The way in which everybody is coming together to aid Haiti is truly awe-inspiring. Sometimes it takes a tragedy to bring us all together and wash away the unneeded cyncism and bitterness that oftentimes clouds our judgment.
House
This week’s episode of House had me laughing out loud over and over again. I know exactly how it feels to be continually accused of being homosexual, when in fact I am straighter than a ruler. People are so stupid that they oftentimes tend to judge sexuality by a person's personality instead of his or her romantic inclinations toward a particular gender. As I've said many times before, it’s all about what your heart desires—whether that’s a man, woman, or whatever.
BCFx
Black College Football Experience (BCFx) is a football game for the Microsoft Windows operating system and Xbox 360 gaming console that was released in September 2009. It’s a refreshing new game that depicts the culture of HBCU football—which, just for clarification, isn’t restricted one single bit to just black players. A typical HBCU is predominantly black, but still hosts a variety of different ethnicities, including Hispanics, Caucasians, and even Asians.
Many people are complaining that this game is racist. That’s absolute horse manure. HBCUs were originally created to offer black youth the opportunity to educate themselves—an opportunity which was once unavailable to them. Even after the civil rights movement passed, these Universities continued to function, but they NEVER once tried to block people of other races from joining their ranks. It just so happens that an HBCU focuses more on black culture. Never will you hear an Earth Wind and Fire or, God forbid, a 50 Cent song at a traditional predominately white University football game. At an HBCU, however, you can expect a whole slew of r&b, rap, and jazz culture.
The truth is that the entertainment industry—football included—is predominately white. Over the years, Blacks and Latinos have gradually crept up the ladder with their own television shows, television networks (BET, Telemundo), schools, and now even video games. Asians are beginning this steep climb as well; you can catch a little Ninja Warrior on B4, or partake in Hindi music on ____ (not sure, but I know it’s out there). Every single time, though, that a non-white people launch their own product or service, there’s a huge backlash by people claiming it to be racist.
Once in for all, I just want to tell these people to shut the fuck up. There's no such thing as 'reverse racism.' Either you're a racist ass or you're not. If you're quick to demonize a race for celebrating their culture, then you're a racist ass—case closed!
Running with El Gringo
I returned home to discover that my roomie has a big ol’ mutt with him. The little booger, who we shall refer to as El Gringo, is quite annoying, but she’s proving to be very beneficial to my workout regiment. She loves to walk and I love to run. I avoid running outdoors—and instead run in place indoors—because I don’t like doing it alone. With her by my side, I feel much safer. The irony is that I'm in better shape than she is; she runs out of breath and breaks down before I do.
On Harry Reid n Private Race Shit-Talking
I don't see anything remotely racist about Mr. Reid's comments. If you listen to the Michael Baisden show, which harbors a very intelligent black audience, you'll discover that most educated, professional black Americans have a zero-tolerance policy towards uneducated, illiterate rhetoric. They appreciate Obama because he casts a positive light on black culture by bringing forth the best that they have to offer.
At the same time, he still embraces some of the most questionable aspects of the culture—including rap music—because he's open-minded and realizes that everybody has something to offer. I used to speak foolishly, but I grew up and now articulate myself with class and dignity. Nevertheless, I still listen to rap music, dress in comfortable urban clothes, and have many friends still stuck on the streets. It's possible to be grown and classy, yet still affiliated with your roots.
In regards to racism, I know and realize 100% that it still exists in full effect. Just peruse through the Internet sometime and you'll see the ignorant trash that some of our more outspoken brethren like to spew. It’s ultimately irrelevant though because the close-minded morons littering society, in my naïve opinion, represent only a minority. I would hope that most of us know better.
But I admit that even I talk some shit sometimes (especially about white people, hehe), but I do it only out of anger; it passes quickly, allowing me to return to a logical and open-minded state of being. At the end of the day, I accept all people for their unique differences. When you become so absorbed in your petty anger that you start defending slavery or referring to black or other Americans as "the blacks" or "the whites", then you've obviously lost control of your marbles.
It's okay to talk a little shit in private (we all have our moment: "That fricken Indian technical support guy was so crappy I could smell his unwashed ass."), but just don't let that crap take over your mentality. Once you've succumbed to it, your hatred will stick out like a sore thumb—and people will avoid your whack ass!
On Hiphop
If you watch pornography, like violent movies, or listen to Marilyn Manson, then you are in no position to hate on hiphop. Pornography is the most shallow, misogynistic form of entertainment in the world, but everybody flocks to it like sheep.
I like hiphop–including the shallow, violent, and useless lyrics–because I find the experience fun. Watching a hiphop music video is like watching a film; for a few brief moments, I get to live the life of a rich, spoiled gangster or a womanizing player. After that, it's back to life, back to reality.
With all the violent imagery perpetuated today by heavy metal musicians, film producers, and writers like Stephen King (BARF), I find it just plain unbearable that so many people have such harsh thoughts about hiphop. Like it or not, the music genre is bigger than ever and will continue to grow and dominate WORLDWIDE. Even some Hindus on the streets of Delhi can be found vibing to the sweet beat of hiphop.
Ode to America
I wrote this 250-word sample article to apply for a pathetic side gig which I did, however, acquire, although it pays SHIT.
A toasty cheeseburger drenched in ketchup and mustard; a Marlboro Light cigarette stuffed with freshly grown American tobacco; bacteria free water that’s been properly filtered a thousand times over; and sexy women who bathe frequently. These are just a few of the quirks that go along with living in the United States of America. Although the US harbors a wide array of domestic and international problems, it still remains the greatest land on Earth. Pollution is almost non-existent, death from disease is relatively minor (at least compared to worldwide statistics), and the quality of life in America far outweighs the misery experienced worldwide.
More importantly, America provides its citizens with unfettered access to their dreams. Whereas other countries impede progress with unwanted rules and regulations—such as limits on free speech and regulations on proper behavior—the United States allows the individual to pursue almost any lifestyle that he or she desires. Only in America can a middle-aged Chinese man pursue a career as a sexy stripper with a big butt and thighs high to the sky—assuming he can afford the surgery, of course. And although the morality and ethics of such unhindered freedom is indeed questionable, nobody can deny that a free man or woman is typically happier than one trapped by the maxims of a restrictive regime.
It is therefore my stipulation that the United States of America is the greatest country on Earth. Let freedom reign and the voices of tyrants fade away like a whiff of bad breath.
God Bless America!
pEaCe
PS - As of January 17th, I'll officially be off vacation. :'(... this suckssssssss, man!
A toasty cheeseburger drenched in ketchup and mustard; a Marlboro Light cigarette stuffed with freshly grown American tobacco; bacteria free water that’s been properly filtered a thousand times over; and sexy women who bathe frequently. God, it feels Great to finally be back HOME in my Mother country, the United States of America, the land of the free and the home of the brave. I’m a McDonalds-eating, Walmart-loving American and damn proud of it. Yo DJ—turn up the music and let’s get this party started!
The Parable of the Tree
Before I begin, I want to relate a parable that I've devised which accurately depicts my perception of 'family roots.'
Consider a tree seed. It lands upon the Earth and digs roots deep into the soil. It then sprouts upwards, gradually revealing generation after generation of descendents. Many years later, a lone baby seed lying atop the canopy tumbles from its parent and is whisked away to a far-off land. In time, it too lands upon the Earth and digs toward the ground and sprouts toward the sky, eventually forming its own ‘tree.’ The cycle continues on and on, until one day perhaps a great grand-descendent of the original seedling finds itself on an entirely new planet—or perhaps even in a whole different universe.
I am like the lone seed atop the canopy. Although my parents hail from India, I intend to build my own family tree here in the United States of America. I am not obliged to teach my children and grandchildren anything about India; they are welcome, though, to learn for themselves. Look folks—if we choose to identify ourselves strictly by our forefathers, then the truth remains that we are all nothing but cavemen and should therefore relish our ancestor’s past by drawing on walls and dancing by a raging midnight fire. Obviously though, our forefathers have resettled many times over in lands all across the globe. This, Ladies and Gentlemen, is the cycle of life.
I tire immensely of certain Indians who demand that I forego by beliefs, religion, and culture because of some purported obligation to recognize the culture of my forefathers. To these assholes, I say, “Fuck your cow!” (j/k) Seriously, though, I am a proud American. I will not watch Hindi movies, listen to Hindi music, or even read Hindi news just because some culturally obsessed turd has the audacity to try and define who I am. I choose my own destiny; the ability to decide for myself is what makes America such a wonderful place. Don’t get me wrong. I find the Indian culture to be fascinating; I just don’t want it forced on me.
Itinerary (for anybody who’s interested)
Delhi
Bereilly
Haldwani
Kashipur
Dehradun
Quality of Life
The quality of life in India is just plain miserable. Most homes have no heat, hot water, or Internet access. As for electricity, it comes and goes randomly; you’re lucky to have it for 50% of the day, if even that much. To take a shower, you first heat up the water on a stove, pour it into a bucket, mix it with cold water, and then pour it on yourself with a ladle. It's a very annoying experience, especially considering that India is currently in winter. You have to keep scooping and pouring, unless you don't mind freezing.
Culinary Delights
Indian food, in general, consists primarily of rice, dal, potatoes, and snacks. Their definition of a hotdog is a hotdug-bun stuffed with mashed up brown potatoes and lettuce—YUCK! It sucks because I went from a 150g/day protein diet to maybe 30g/day at best; the effect on my muscles is noticable, but I'm gradually rebuilding mass. It feels great to be back on a diet of chicken, cottage cheese, protein powder, and mixed vegetables! The best snack in India, by the way, is definitely Gulab Jamun!
Traffic Infrastructure (or the lack thereof)
Besides major cities like Delhi and Mumbai, India, for the most part, lacks an official traffic infrastructure. You choose which direction to drive—although you are supposed to stay on the left side—and it is up to you to weave in and out amongst the rickshaws, motorcycles, taxis, cars, horses, goats, cows, dogs, and beggars that crowd the streets. It is amazing, however, how well the Indians manage to avoid traffic accidents; despite the unending chaos, we witnessed only one incident throughout the whole three-week trip.
Noise Galore
Horns. Horns everywhere. Every five steps forward is littered by a never-ending cacophony of beeps, bellows, and burps howling from the cars that pass by me. It feels like somebody is pulling on my eardrums with a tweezer. You get used to it after a while, but damn it feels good to be back in the quiet suburban streets of Raleigh, North Carolina! Speaking of noise, a Muslim speaker sings at the entire city through a bullhorn approximately every three hours, even throughout the night. It’s very annoying to be constantly awakened by his loud ass, but it’s part of the culture here. I never realized that Islam has such a strong presence in India.
Indian Markets
Most Indian commerce occurs in tiny Mom and Pop shops instead of a super-market. Finding a pair of shoes can take hours because you must locate a shoe store amongst the hundreds of little depots that litter the alleyways. It’s a very inefficient system that needs a total rehaul from the bottom-up. My brother, being the Portland liberal that he is (no disrespect intended), supports such commerce, but I find it to be ineffective and a total waste of resources and time. It does, however, keep everybody employed.
Jewelry
Indians have an affinity for jewelry, including rings, bracelets, and necklaces. The irony is that my single bracelet outshined every piece of jewelry that I encountered. On more than one occasion, in fact, bystanders approached me and commented on much they liked my jewelry. In general, Indians seem to prefer gold, and they apparently don't mind if it's old and rusty. Personally, I demand that my jewelry sparkle in the sunlight.
Mahatmas Gandhi
Most notable about this trip was my visit to the memorial of world-renowed role model and hero Mahatmas Gandhi. On the eve of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, I want to remind readers that MLK was greatly inspired by Gandhi, particularly his belief in non-violent revolution.
Recommendations
#1. If you are a smoker planning a visit to India, then don’t waste a single rupee on Marlboros, Camels, or any other American brand of cigarettes. They are produced outside of America and therefore taste like shit. Your best bet is to purchase GoldFlake cigarettes—sold in a pack of 10 for approximately 35 rupees—from a street vendor.
#2. The best restaurant to dine at in Kashipur is the Hotel Manor. They have a brilliant Indian buffet, as well as a great continental menu. You can purchase a grilled chicken sandwich with French fries and coleslaw for only 90 rupees, which is less than 2.0 USD.
#3. Do not, under any circumstances, book a flight through Air India. The whole experience was lousy and completely under par compared to more reputable airlines like Lufthansa and American Airlines. Not only did we lose some of our luggage, but the crewmembers onboard refused to refill the toilet paper, and the food was just plain lousy.
#4. If you’re a weight-lifter or on a diet of some sort, make sure to bring along proper supplements like protein powder, Omega-3 fish oil tablets, and BOTTLED WATER.
#5. Don't give money to a street beggar; if you do, 5+ more will approach you within under 60 seconds. Trust me—I learned the hard way!
Interesting Family Members
Gyanshyam Mama
In Indian culture, a paternal Uncle is known as a ChaCha, whereas a maternal Uncle is known as a Mama. I appreciate the uniqueness of their family system, but there is no way in hell that my future American nephews and nieces will be referring to me as Mama; if anything, I’ll be known as ‘crazy Uncle ___’. Anyway. My favorite Uncle is Gyanshyam Mama. He is a former Indian powerlifting champion who used to deadlift approximately 550 pounds and bench 265 pounds. That’s not too much weight per American standards, but it’s tremendously impressive for India, especially considering that his most prolific days were back during the 70s and 80s. As well as showing me all his trophies, Gyanshyam Mama also treated me to his stash of beer and liquor for New Years. Lesson: Uncles know how to have the most fun! It didn't help, though, that my hating-ass Mom kept bitching at him to not let me drink more than 4 beers. Oh, pshhhhhh... quit hating, Lady! I drink a case of beer every weekend!
Where the G's at?
A maternal grandfather is known as Nana-G, a maternal grandmother as Nani-G, a paternal grandfather as Dada-G, and a paternal grandmother as Dadi-G. Yo—where the Gs at, son?
The Hindu Militant Midget
Although he’s not as cute as Michael Evans, my little cousin Rohit is as defensive of Hindu culture as Michael is of the black power movement. He constantly lectured me on Hindu culture and tutored me on Hindi words. Despite his obsession with India, Rohit does, however, have an intense passion for Michael Jackson; he claimed to have cried when he heard MJ passed away. This inspired me to teach him about other American artists like Lakeside, Naughty by Nature, and Earth Wind & Fire. By the time I left Haldwani, Rohit was addicted to my music. Ahhh—the pleasure that comes from having corrupted a Hindu youth!
The Anti-Indian Rocker
My cousin Mohit rejects everything about Indian culture. He instead pursues a life as a full-fledged Marilyn Manson and Godsmack loving rocker. He works for Travelocity, but spends his free time smoking on pure hash (and I mean PURE), drinking booze, and screwing his extremely sexy girlfriend. I enjoyed spending time with him, but I don’t particularly like his personality because he seems something cynical and two-faced. It'll be interesting to see how he changes as time progresses.
Mr. Sincere
My favorite cousin is Sumit. He’s a full-fledged Indian, but he possesses a golden heart full of love and spirit. He practically broke into tears during our departure. I’ll sincerely miss him and I hope that I can one day meet up with him again. Unfortunately for him, I have no intention of ever returning to India; the misery I suffered just isn’t worth it. Hopefully, he can one day find his way to the United States.
Sexy Cousins
It’s hilarious that such an ugly duckling like myself has so many sexy, beautiful cousins. Does this attraction to my female relatives make me a pervert? I sure hope not. Most disturbing of all is my cousin Ruthie, who bears a strong resemble to what my Mother looked like as a youth. My intense attraction for her is just plain sick and disgusting; I'll soon be scheduling an appointment with a therapist.
Indian Women
After this trip, I’ll now seriously consider an ‘AMERICAN Indian’ woman as a wife. The Americans I encountered on the airplane and at the airport were gorgeous, for the most part, and acted just as American as I do. They were attractive enough to put the average white woman to shame—and yes, I said it! Plus, they're really down to Earth and understand my struggle as an American Indian; and yes, I'm willing to classify myself as an AMERICAN Indian.
The Tragedy in Haiti
I’d like to extend all my love and blessings to the victims of the Haitian earthquake. If you haven’t already, please donate $5 to the Yele Haiti Foundation, founded by Wyclef Jean, by texting ‘YELE’ to 501501. Or better yet, donate $10 to the Red Cross by texting 'Haiti' to 90999. The way in which everybody is coming together to aid Haiti is truly awe-inspiring. Sometimes it takes a tragedy to bring us all together and wash away the unneeded cyncism and bitterness that oftentimes clouds our judgment.
House
This week’s episode of House had me laughing out loud over and over again. I know exactly how it feels to be continually accused of being homosexual, when in fact I am straighter than a ruler. People are so stupid that they oftentimes tend to judge sexuality by a person's personality instead of his or her romantic inclinations toward a particular gender. As I've said many times before, it’s all about what your heart desires—whether that’s a man, woman, or whatever.
BCFx
Black College Football Experience (BCFx) is a football game for the Microsoft Windows operating system and Xbox 360 gaming console that was released in September 2009. It’s a refreshing new game that depicts the culture of HBCU football—which, just for clarification, isn’t restricted one single bit to just black players. A typical HBCU is predominantly black, but still hosts a variety of different ethnicities, including Hispanics, Caucasians, and even Asians.
Many people are complaining that this game is racist. That’s absolute horse manure. HBCUs were originally created to offer black youth the opportunity to educate themselves—an opportunity which was once unavailable to them. Even after the civil rights movement passed, these Universities continued to function, but they NEVER once tried to block people of other races from joining their ranks. It just so happens that an HBCU focuses more on black culture. Never will you hear an Earth Wind and Fire or, God forbid, a 50 Cent song at a traditional predominately white University football game. At an HBCU, however, you can expect a whole slew of r&b, rap, and jazz culture.
The truth is that the entertainment industry—football included—is predominately white. Over the years, Blacks and Latinos have gradually crept up the ladder with their own television shows, television networks (BET, Telemundo), schools, and now even video games. Asians are beginning this steep climb as well; you can catch a little Ninja Warrior on B4, or partake in Hindi music on ____ (not sure, but I know it’s out there). Every single time, though, that a non-white people launch their own product or service, there’s a huge backlash by people claiming it to be racist.
Once in for all, I just want to tell these people to shut the fuck up. There's no such thing as 'reverse racism.' Either you're a racist ass or you're not. If you're quick to demonize a race for celebrating their culture, then you're a racist ass—case closed!
Running with El Gringo
I returned home to discover that my roomie has a big ol’ mutt with him. The little booger, who we shall refer to as El Gringo, is quite annoying, but she’s proving to be very beneficial to my workout regiment. She loves to walk and I love to run. I avoid running outdoors—and instead run in place indoors—because I don’t like doing it alone. With her by my side, I feel much safer. The irony is that I'm in better shape than she is; she runs out of breath and breaks down before I do.
On Harry Reid n Private Race Shit-Talking
I don't see anything remotely racist about Mr. Reid's comments. If you listen to the Michael Baisden show, which harbors a very intelligent black audience, you'll discover that most educated, professional black Americans have a zero-tolerance policy towards uneducated, illiterate rhetoric. They appreciate Obama because he casts a positive light on black culture by bringing forth the best that they have to offer.
At the same time, he still embraces some of the most questionable aspects of the culture—including rap music—because he's open-minded and realizes that everybody has something to offer. I used to speak foolishly, but I grew up and now articulate myself with class and dignity. Nevertheless, I still listen to rap music, dress in comfortable urban clothes, and have many friends still stuck on the streets. It's possible to be grown and classy, yet still affiliated with your roots.
In regards to racism, I know and realize 100% that it still exists in full effect. Just peruse through the Internet sometime and you'll see the ignorant trash that some of our more outspoken brethren like to spew. It’s ultimately irrelevant though because the close-minded morons littering society, in my naïve opinion, represent only a minority. I would hope that most of us know better.
But I admit that even I talk some shit sometimes (especially about white people, hehe), but I do it only out of anger; it passes quickly, allowing me to return to a logical and open-minded state of being. At the end of the day, I accept all people for their unique differences. When you become so absorbed in your petty anger that you start defending slavery or referring to black or other Americans as "the blacks" or "the whites", then you've obviously lost control of your marbles.
It's okay to talk a little shit in private (we all have our moment: "That fricken Indian technical support guy was so crappy I could smell his unwashed ass."), but just don't let that crap take over your mentality. Once you've succumbed to it, your hatred will stick out like a sore thumb—and people will avoid your whack ass!
On Hiphop
If you watch pornography, like violent movies, or listen to Marilyn Manson, then you are in no position to hate on hiphop. Pornography is the most shallow, misogynistic form of entertainment in the world, but everybody flocks to it like sheep.
I like hiphop–including the shallow, violent, and useless lyrics–because I find the experience fun. Watching a hiphop music video is like watching a film; for a few brief moments, I get to live the life of a rich, spoiled gangster or a womanizing player. After that, it's back to life, back to reality.
With all the violent imagery perpetuated today by heavy metal musicians, film producers, and writers like Stephen King (BARF), I find it just plain unbearable that so many people have such harsh thoughts about hiphop. Like it or not, the music genre is bigger than ever and will continue to grow and dominate WORLDWIDE. Even some Hindus on the streets of Delhi can be found vibing to the sweet beat of hiphop.
Ode to America
I wrote this 250-word sample article to apply for a pathetic side gig which I did, however, acquire, although it pays SHIT.
A toasty cheeseburger drenched in ketchup and mustard; a Marlboro Light cigarette stuffed with freshly grown American tobacco; bacteria free water that’s been properly filtered a thousand times over; and sexy women who bathe frequently. These are just a few of the quirks that go along with living in the United States of America. Although the US harbors a wide array of domestic and international problems, it still remains the greatest land on Earth. Pollution is almost non-existent, death from disease is relatively minor (at least compared to worldwide statistics), and the quality of life in America far outweighs the misery experienced worldwide.
More importantly, America provides its citizens with unfettered access to their dreams. Whereas other countries impede progress with unwanted rules and regulations—such as limits on free speech and regulations on proper behavior—the United States allows the individual to pursue almost any lifestyle that he or she desires. Only in America can a middle-aged Chinese man pursue a career as a sexy stripper with a big butt and thighs high to the sky—assuming he can afford the surgery, of course. And although the morality and ethics of such unhindered freedom is indeed questionable, nobody can deny that a free man or woman is typically happier than one trapped by the maxims of a restrictive regime.
It is therefore my stipulation that the United States of America is the greatest country on Earth. Let freedom reign and the voices of tyrants fade away like a whiff of bad breath.
God Bless America!
pEaCe
PS - As of January 17th, I'll officially be off vacation. :'(... this suckssssssss, man!
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