I’m sleeping much better with melatonin, so let’s get this started!
First of all, I started this blog at 3:15pm Friday afternoon. It’s going to be very casual and unedited. No research; no playing with the thesaurus (Aspies LOVE big words); and no over-intellectualizing. I’m keeping this as spontaneous and to the point as possible.
I’ve been quite moody and cynical lately. Reading online comments sometimes makes me want to stab someone. The ignorance and stupidity I encounter is beyond redemption. I’ve almost given up on writing about issues of relevance like politics, religion, and society. There’s no point; most people seem to have no got dayum sense. However, I try to remember all the warm-hearted and intelligent people I’ve met in my life. They’re my only inspiration to keep forging ahead. Not everybody is crooked and retarded, but I forget that sometimes.
Plus I’m suffering from a bout of writer’s block. I’m going to try and overcome it tonight, though! My motivation to write for NOTHING is quickly dimming—but it’s not completely gone yet!
Anyway. I’ve started studying the ingenious writings of Dave Barry. I think I have what it takes to emulate his style, in the hope of discovering my own style (obviously). I’ll let ya’ll know more about this mission later. Reading his columns is definitely helping me with my story, now officially renamed to ‘Me and the Turd and I.’ Speaking of which, here are the first three paragraphs (first draft prologue):
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Evil lies amongst us in many forms, but none so heinous as the turd. Although its true origin remains unconfirmed, a laid-off Buddhist monk I met at Mardi Gras (no wonder he was fired) claims it was man himself who first brought this gelatinous non-alcoholic brown pudding into our world.
He said that after Adam ate the apple, a peach, and a multi-vitamin pill—why the multi-vitamin if you eat fruit!?—he proceeded to stitch together the first-ever pussycat from Eve’s leftover vaginal clippings and his own foreskin. Apparently, Adam was a Jew.
Regardless, the newly created cat quickly grew bored of gnawing at his crunchy nuts—squirrels didn’t yet exist—and so decided to artificially manufacture his own pet for amusement. The dog, as he named it, was dumb as a brick and easy to manipulate. But the cat wasn’t prepared for what the dog would unleash; two days after the dog was put together, the first-ever turd slithered like a snake into the world—popping its head out the mutt’s butt and unleashing with it a stench like no other.
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I’m not gross (I’m very hygienic and health oriented), and I act with the utmost class like Frasier Crane, but yes, my sense of humor, or at least my attempt at humor, is somewhat grotesque—not to mention puerile. I don’t give a shit, though. If you don’t like it, kiss my turd-laced butt-cheeks.
The Hard-Knock Doggy Life
Dealing with dogs is far more difficult than I had initially expected it to be. I used to shower her with constant love and affection, but I now recognize the error of my ways. She has become too dependent on me. I can’t even go on a 30-minute jog without her whining loudly at the front door for the entire duration. So I tried bringing her along, but she just can’t keep up with my pace, leading me to become extremely upset and tug harshly at her leash in anger—which, admittedly, is 1-step away from animal cruelty. I’ve realized that she just has to learn how to hangout without me. It sucks, but that’s the hard-knock doggy life!
I tell you, though; learning to love a female dog is like learning to love a woman. You must be very patient and able to endure ridiculous amounts of attitude. She spent an entire day and a half not bringing the ball back during fetch because she was upset with me. I finally gave in and started fetching the ball—she’d run to it, but not bring it back—and throwing it. Finally after 10 minutes, she was so happy that I’d finally given up, she started fetching the ball herself again. Just like a fricken woman, man!
Transgendered People
I’m all for transgendered people, so long as they reveal upfront that they were born a male or female. No offense, but I’m looking for the oochie wallie wallie, not an artificial pocket pussy. Other than that, I’m all down for Susan formerly known as Sam, Billy formerly known as Bertha, and Wanita formerly known as Tyrone. If you don’t like it, then tough. They have rights too. As far as I’m concerned, they can get married, have kids, raise families, and even be my friend. But they CANNOT touch my weenie!
Mo’Nique
I’m so very proud of Mo’Nique for earning an Oscar this week. God Bless her and all the African-American men and women who came before her.
Gabourey Sidibe & Howard Stern
Fuck Howard Stern.
Women's Empowerment 2010
Women, women, women. Half of you make me want to bust a nut, whereas the other half make me want to cut off my nuts. Either way, I love all of you, especially my Mamma! In celebration of Women’s Empowerment, I’m going to watch The Stoning of Soraya M. this weekend. French-Iranian journalist Freidoune Sahebjam wrote the story, but it’s based on true events.
Religion vs. Spirituality
I started this last week and it’s overly intellectual. What can I say? I’m an anal retentive intellectual. Just letting you know.
My good friend Dedtria posted a fascinating question on her facebook page this week:
“If you claim to be a Christian or just merely a child of God, are you then too a representative of that which you claim? If so why do so many people who claim the name of God misrepresent him so by doing and living a life so contrary to what God represents. It's like disgracing our parents, we know better but we choose to do the opposite.”
I feel that people oftentimes assume attending church will cure them of their sins. They feel that their belief in Jesus functions as a board-eraser, if you will, in that automatically cleans their slate every time they pray to him. I find this disturbing because it seems to me as if these sort of Christians are using their religion as an excuse for bad behavior: “I may be a hoe-beatin’ Pimp, but at least I’m in touch with the Lawd!”
Religion, in my opinion, is a medium by which we can experience God. It itself is not the solution, though, as finding God comes from within. If your heart is wicked, then no church, holy water, or scripture is going to magically transform your spirit. It all boils down to a distinction between spirituality and religion. Religion is the medium, while spirituality is the end result.
What does it mean to be spiritual, though? For me personally, spiritually is tied in with repentance and forgiveness. We all occasionally sin and break a rule or two; that’s life. I didn’t mean to scowl at the Lady in the grocery store, but I was having a bad day. Afterward, however, I sincerely felt remorseful and so therefore pleaded to God to not only forgive me, but also bless the Lady with a wonderful day. How many people care enough to do that?
You see, religion can help us become more spiritual by providing us with God’s purported wisdom. I’m not religious, but I know plenty of people who benefit greatly from the Bible, the Koran, the Torah, or the Bagvadhgita. But as I said earlier, it’s about more than just reading from a book and visiting a church or temple. It all comes from within! If you ain’t right on the in-side, then you ain’t right on any-side.
Teacher/Student Sex
Many scumbags are acting as if it’s okay for a female teacher to sleep with a young, adolescent male student. Can we please enact a law that makes stupidity a crime!? PLEASE!? If a young girl gets a crush on her 33-year-old male teacher and then sleeps with him, do her emotions make her responsible for what occurred? If you said yes, then shoot yourself. Or better yet, have a boxing match with fictional character Elliott Stabler.
Individual Responsibility versus National Leadership
An individual on Reverend Al Sharpton’s facebook page asked, “Why do we need leaders? Shouldn’t we all take responsibility for our own actions?”
I agree that individual responsibility is vital to improving our communities. However, when it comes to nationwide issues, it’s imperative that we also have authority figures looking over our backs. It’s through them—as they are the medium—by which our ideas can more quickly spread and affect others. Mind you change is a ridiculously slow process; but with a few select leaders promoting our needs, we stand a better chance of affecting genuine change. Plus most of us lack the clout necessary to draw in an audience larger than our own friends and family.
Stereotypes
Have you ever asked a random Chinese stranger for directions to the nearest Chinese restaurant? If you’re a fan of Seinfeld like me, then you know better! Although it may seem innocent enough, you run the risk of offending the poor chap or chapstress: “Why must I know? Because I'm Chinese? You think I know where all the Chinese restaurants are? Oh, ask honorable Chinaman for location of restaurant!”
Why, though, do people become so enraged when we make an assumption about them based on stereotypes? Isn’t it almost fact, for instance, that all black people like fried chicken? In all honesty, I’ve never once met a black man or woman who didn’t like some good old-fashioned fried chicken with greens, okra, and a slab of mashed potatoes. By the same token, I’ve never met a white person who couldn’t provide me with a dictionary definition of some unidentified freaky food (UFO) known to them simply as spam.
Seriously though, stereotypes can, in my opinion, serve as a positive tool by enabling us to paint a preconceived picture of what to expect. If I’m preparing dinner for a random batch of Korean strangers, I’m going to include a whole lot of vegetables. Or if I’m trying to attract liberals to my business, I might try promoting green products. Either way, I’m using assumptions to temporarily to fill in the blanks. Koreans don’t necessarily love vegetables and liberals aren’t necessarily “eco nit-wits,” but until I can gather further information, it’s all I have to go with.
A problem arises, however, when stereotypes are used improperly. If you’re an airline stewardess about to serve dinner, you don’t ask a black patron, “Would you like the chicken dinner?” (Chappelle) Instead you ask, “What would you like for dinner?” The point is that if you’re given the opportunity to fill in the blanks with actual data, it’s much wiser to take advantage of it than use a stereotypical assumption. Unfortunately, too often people (myself included) rely on the improper usage of stereotypes to fill in the blanks.
The reason I brought up stereotypes is because some members of the black community feel that the movie Precious should not be celebrated because it perpetuates negative black stereotypes. I entirely disagree. Precious and her mother may be stereotypical in that real-life people just like them can be found in ghettos all across America, but how is sharing their story bad? Knowledge is power, folks! If we can better understand their situation, then we can better help them!
By the way, the stereotype about reeking Indians is somewhat true. I didn’t discover deodorant until 7th grade. I would spray myself with ridiculous portions of liquid deodorant, causing the other students to steer clear of me. It wasn’t until college that I not only learned how to use deodorant correctly, but I also realized that my body works best with gel deodorant.
That’s it. May not be another 2 to 3 weeks before I’m back. I can’t keep up with a blog-a-week schedule.
Peace
PS…. And nooooo…. I didn’t sign up yet for e-mentoring. Okay okay OKAY. I’ll do it right after I post this!
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