Friday, June 5th | Man in the Mirror (R.I.P. Michael Jackson)

Throwback Hiphop Recommendation: “Swang” (Trae) - features MJ's beat

“we the best at what we gon be and these haters know it,
so haters hate us to death and I know cause these haters show it
I only ride alone so they can picture me rollin”

Such horrible grammar, LOL (J/K).

Thank You FEEL GOOD FRIDAY for finally arriving. It’s been a long, stressful and, at times, fatiguing week. Unfortunately, I feel compelled to write this stupid blog, though I’d much rather just relax and enjoy life. Anyway. I have a few things on my mind that I wish to explore and you’re welcome to follow along or just ignore this post altogether. Either way, I hope that all of you have a GREAT weekend!

By the way, the ratings system has been updated yet again. GH means the section is ghetto, as in "anti-intellectual" and ruffian in nature. Look... I'm just a slum dog millionaire wannabe trying to keep my inner monkey from jumping out and stealing your bananas! I can’t help it, man!

Precursor (SA)

Horoscope: “You prefer not having to defend your illogical feelings against attack because it's stressful enough just to understand them yourself. As a general rule, being irrational is not the most comfortable position to place yourself in. Nevertheless, you know that something big is at stake and you're willing to do whatever you must. Remember, cool logic might not help you now as much as simply recognizing what's in your heart.”

Wow… that just gave me goosebumps!

Cosmic Justice (****)

I’m going to start by talking about illegal immigrants. But first I want to warn you that the following may be offensive. In fact, everything I’m about to write may be altogether completely wrong and just outright ignorant. However, it’s on my mind and so I want to explore it.

--

Illegal immigration is wrong. There are no ifs, ands or buts about it. If a foreigner wants to pursue a life here, then it is on him or her to follow the proper procedures required for permanent entry into the United States. However, despite our strict enforcement policies, illegals keep on trying to sneak their way across our border. This in turn has many Americans fuming from the mouth in rage, which of course is quite understandable. My concern, though, is that we’re slowly allowing our anger to erode our humanity—especially the part that allows us to feel compassion.

For instance, a piece on CNN this week about "migrant American dreamers" risking life and limb aboard the “train of death” elicited particularly angry responses from the public.

Guestling2 wrote:
"Is this supposed to make us feel sorry for them? Didn't work in this house! If your country is a mess, stay there and make it better. But no, they want to come here, take our jobs, our money, our peace of mind and public safety, and then they want US to fix their contry. We need to enforce our immigration laws and SECURE our borders. I need a passport to visit Canada and return to the U.S., but we let this detritus freely flow across our borders and try to drag us down to their level. We should mine the southern border.”

I think what Guestling2 and his/her peers fail to realize is that many (mind you not all) of the illegals trying to cross the border are merely trying to escape what to them is hell on Earth.

Imagine for a second being one of two Mexican parents who grew up poor and now live in a gang-controlled neighborhood riddled with death and decay. They have a son whom they wish to see educated, but sadly, they cannot afford to send him to school on their meager salary. So there remain only two other options:

#1. Join the neighborhood gang and earn money by selling drugs or killing others.
#2. Try to flee across the border, get a job and funnel money back home.

What would you do in this scenario? Perhaps you might try to assemble a “community watch” against the gangs? If you do, you’ll likely die, as will your entire family—including your cherished son.

Now imagine instead that you are a widowed mother of two from Honduras. You were once a housewife, but your husband passed and now you’re frantically scouring your hometown in search of a job. In the meantime, your children are starving and death looms overhead like a dark rain cloud. After two months of barely surviving—during which you prostituted yourself so that you could feed your kids—you’re offered a chance to ride a ‘train’ to the United States with your children. What would you do?

My point is that many of these illegals have no other option. It’s not that they’re not willing to work hard toward a better life; it’s rather that nobody else, including their own government, gives a damn about them. And sadly, no opportunities exist for them. Do you understand? You know what…let’s take this a step further.

Imagine being me. Although raised by two intelligent and well-off parents, I grew up amidst a plethora of social problems that inhibited my ability to function normally around my peers. Truth be told, I would likely either be homeless or dead by now if my parents had not intervened on my behalf. Yet even now, years later, I still struggle; though I’m 28, I possess the emotional stability, social aptitude and perhaps even the mental acuity (although that’s up for debate, lol) of an 18 year old. You know that phrase “30s are the new 20s”? Well, when I’m in my 30s, I really will be living life as if I’m in my 20s!

Now think of all the people out there with no backbone to rely on—trying to survive and succeed with nobody to help them. They literally have NOTHING.

Perhaps a gentleman named Justice can better explain this:
“I cannot being to imagine would it would be like if we United States citizens were the ones living in poverty and turmoil, and if neighboring countries that had the ability to offer us grace in our distress treated us like animals. Imagine if we were the ones without food, desperate to find a way out of a miserable life. Whatever your opinion on undocumented immigration, take a moment to consider this; You did not choose your birth. You are not entitled to a better life than those who were born in less privileged countries. At a minimum, treat them with respect and civility, because it could have just as easily been you who was born into less economically privileged circumstances.”

Look, in no way, shape or form am I insinuating that we should allow illegal immigrants to just stroll across our border. Nor am I advocating amnesty for illegals who have illegally settled within our borders. In fact, I’m not even suggesting that we go out of our way to fix these people’s problems. What I am however trying to say is that although illegal immigration is wrong and although we have every right to combat it (even with force, if necessary), shouldn’t we at least—if not with our actions, then with our hearts—show SOME compassion for these people? Are they not human? Do they not also deserve a chance to live a meaningful life and raise a family?

As I said earlier, illegal immigration is wrong. There are no ifs, ands or buts about it. But the heartlessness we as Americans harbor toward these illegals is equally wrong. I feel like we have become or are becoming a very selfish, self-centered people who just want to hide in our privileged bubble as those around us suffer. I love my country to death, but I truly fear that we may be due a serious dose of karma from the Universe. It’s tragic, but there is (I believe) such a thing as cosmic justice, and if we don’t take a close look at ourselves in the mirror soon, we might one day end up its next victim.

Am I Losing my Hood Credibility? (GH -*)

Oh man, I was called all sorts of whack names this week: punk, bitch, puta and, worst of all, white boy. Folks in the hood are mad because I’ve been sucking up to the police like a black man sucking on a big white titty with nipples so big they wave in the wind (whooooosh). Yo, I don’t have any other option. I don’t have a car, which means I can’t outrun the po-po if they come after me. So until I get rich and finally cop that Lamborghini, umma do like the Muslims and just say no to fucking with pork! And you know that’s right!

Speaking of which, I SALUTE all the officers of America. I say unto you, where would we be without you out on the streets “refereeing” our behaviors!?



That was stupid, but I had to come up with something that would fit with this awesome gif starring the one and only Lieutenant Frank Drebin!

General McChrystal’s Resignation (*)

I’m deeply saddened by General McChrystal’s resignation. From what I’ve read about him in Time Magazine, he seems rather brilliant and clearly aware of what he’s doing in Afghanistan. I was hoping that Obama could just rochambeau him (kick in the nads) and let bygones by bygones, but apparently that’s not the way in which the military functions. I just hope that General Petraeus can continue the good work.

By the way, it’s a good thing I was never accepted into the military, because as much shit as I talk, I would have been kicked out in under 24 hours!

** SALUTE **

The Haters(**)

I have hate breeding in my heart today, Ladies and Gentlemen. For instance, I hate inconsiderate people. If you want to cook a meal, be prepared to wash your dishes and wipe down the counters. If you’re washing your clothes, don’t forget to clean off the lint trap. And if you absolutely must take a shit in a public restroom, then use the ‘dump and flush’ method, you fricken bastard! Is it really all that complicated?

I guess I’m just a hater, right? Not necessarily. Although the term hater is typically associated with any individual who dislikes something or someone, I propose today that we redefine it because this definition is far too lenient, in that it renders us all to haters. Can you honestly name me one person who doesn’t dislike something or someone? It’s practically impossible because we all have our pet peeves. So then what is a hater!?

First off, a hater should never be associated with any sort of material or non-living object. You can hate my curry-smelling stools all you want, but that doesn’t make you a hater. If, on the other hand, you hate ME because I’m opinionated and different, then you, Sir or Madam, are a fricken hater! So rule one is that haters dislike people.

Second, a hater suffers from either a superiority or inferiority complex. For instance, an elitist hater may despise hiphop because he/she deems it to be an inferior form of music. “All they do is talk shit to a crappy beat,” a hater may say. On the other hand, an overweight hater with low self-esteem might dislike a skinny woman because she’s secretly jealous. “Fuck you skinny bitches,” said Mo’Nique. (j/k on that one) So rule number two is that haters lack humility or suffer from envy—or perhaps even both.

Third and most importantly, a hater is someone with so much hatred and dislike in their heart that they don’t mind going out of their way to demean someone else for no other reason than spite. Because they’ve deemed this individual to be worth being hated, they therefore feel the God-given right to attack this person’s character—even if they haven’t ever met him or her. So the final rule is that a hater is prone to unproven accusations and conclusions that bear no ties to actual reality. This basically means that a hater’s opinion means absolutely nothing.

Anyway. Look, if you want to be a hater, that’s your prerogative. Just remember that what starts as simple hate can so quickly turn into much more, like what happened with the following church:



Sad. ;-)

Wife Swap | Ol’-School vs New-School (**)

I liked both families. I love how the ol’-school family appreciates nature, the past and all the simple things that life has to offer. And I can totally relate with how the new-school family is obsessed with obtaining the latest cool gadgets.

However, I’m concerned that the ol’-school family is so preoccupied with the past that they’re missing out on all the fruits of mankind’s labor. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a video chat with a faraway relative?

By the same token, I worry that the new-school family’s fixation on technology is preventing them from smelling the daisies. Wouldn’t a quaint walk through the park or fast-paced basketball game at the courtyard be nice now and again?

I love what the ol’-school father said: “There’s nothing wrong with learning of the past. And there’s nothing wrong with learning of the future.” Now that’s a man I wouldn’t mind sharing some beers with. As for the other father, I hate to say it, but he’s just a piece of dog poop. I said it, I sure as hell did! And I reckon you ain’t supposed to treat a women the way he does! I do however appreciate his sincere attempt to look like Howie Mandel!

By the way, I would sure love a Sugar-Mama of my own (wink wink wink wink).

BET (SA *)

BET used to be hated by many parents because it supposedly promoted many negative black stereotypes. But after Debra L. Lee took over BET in 2005, things started to change. Nearly all of the negative content was replaced with more appropriate content. I commend BET for pursuing positive imagery, but I must admit that I’m disappointed.

I used to love BET because it was like the badboy of hiphop television. Only on BET could you find the likes of Rap City, College Hill and my all-time favorite, BET Uncut. Sighs. How the times surely have changed. I wish they’d create a separate network for hardcore hiphop enthusiasts, but they’d probably never consider it because it might make the black community look bad. Pity. I hear that even some ol' white conservatives miss the old BET....



Bless his heart! (J/K)

Condoms for Tots (**)

CNN reports that a Massachusetts elementary school right outside of Boston has adopted a policy that permits students “to get condoms if they are believed to be sexually active”—regardless of their age. Excuse my language, but WHAT THE FUCK? I understand supplying condoms to highschool students, but what dumbass thought it would be appropriate to hand them out to kids that haven’t even hit puberty yet?

Phew….let one of my future children come home with a condom and see what happens. I will wrap it around their heads n choke they ass! Make them think twice about ever doing something that stupid again!

The Youth of America (***)

Speaking of haters, I sometimes feel as if some members of the older generations have no respect for today’s youth. It’s as if they find fault in anything and everything we do or like.

They say Jaden Smith is a spoiled brat because he spoke to David Letterman with an air of arrogance—although I would argue he was merely being witty in his own way. They claim Lady Gaga’s music is uncreative and unoriginal, and that she’s merely a Madonna copycat—although I believe she’s just trying to reinvent Madonna’s brand in her with unique way. They even assert that hiphop is a worthless art form that exposes children to negative concepts and ideas—although I stress that hiphop is merely a form of expression, like a movie or book.

I find it very exasperating because they say they want us to stand out from the crowd, fight for justice and do something with ourselves, yet they are so quick to demonize us youngbucks for doing these very things. It’s as if they want us to follow the exact same path they took; either that or they want us on a leash and in a begging position. The problem with this though is that things change as time ticks. We’re not the same as they were when they were young.

For instance, the older generations hate modern music. They complain that the songs we listen to lack the power to last through the ages. Well, these songs aren’t meant to last that long! Young people like myself have minds that move at 90mph+, which means that we tend to get bored real quickly. I personally cannot stand listening to the same music day-in, day-out. This is why I might fall in love with a song today, yet find myself bored to death of it only three weeks later. It may not work for you, but it works for millions of young adults in my age group, including myself.

The irony is that I will likely one day harbor the same ‘hateration’ toward my kids’ interests, including their choice of music. I guess it’s just the cycle of life, aye? Just remember, though, ya’ll ain’t perfect either! Mmmm hmmmm….



Have you no SHAME!? J/K!

Funny Ending (**)

On facebook Tosh.O asked, “What do you hate?” I wrote up this quirky reply to his facebook question and figured I’d share it with ya’ll. It sounds really gay, but I’m not gay. Like Tosh, however, I don’ t mind sometimes acting gay or making totally gay jokes—so long as it earns me a big ol’ guffaw!

“I hate my tiny brown penis, but I don't hate it as much as I hate your tiny white penis, you pasty-faced bastard. When I said don't cum in my mouth, WTF did you think I meant, Capt’ Skeet!???”

Funny or not? It sure was funny to me when I wrote it!

--

PS – I realize my inconsistency when it comes to apostrophes. Sometimes I use a contraction; other times I don’t. It’s a bad habit that I’m working to break.

PS #2 – I may be taking the next week off. To be honest, writing these blogs can be awfully stressful. But as I’ve said before, it pays off by allowing me to have a really good drunken experience. The tragic part is that as soon as I wake up entirely sober on Sunday morning, it quickly dawns on me that I’m just a loudmouth nobody who writes too much, lol.

PS #3 – Ya’ll make sure to mark your calendars for Glenn Beck's rally at the Lincoln Memorial on August 28, which is the same day and on the same spot that MLK gave his “I have a Dream” speech in 1963. Like Stephen Colbert said, "Finally, someone is bringing Martin Luther King's movement back to its conservative white roots." (wipes a tear from eyes)

PS #4 – To Glenn Beck fans... that was just a joke. But seriously, don’t you see the fallacy in what he’s doing? Regardless, remember that he HIMSELF has admitted to only being an entertainer who’s not even the slightest bit concerned with the political process. I don't mind him one single bit as an entertainer...I just wish ya'll didn't take him so seriously...

PS #5 – I don’t actually listen to Kenny Chesney; I just embellished in my last post to get my point across. In the words of Frank Barone, “And the Oscar goes to….” (and yah... I'm totally aware that Frank is a conservative who hates pot smokers, lol)

Friday, June 18th | Strawberry Letter 23 (Shuggie Otis / The Brothers Johnson)

Throwback Hiphop Recommendation: “Let Me In” (Young Buck)
In the words of Buck, ya’ll “shoulda neva let me in” here, heheh. J/K!

It’s Feel Good Friday! Thank you all for bearing with me last weekend. I’m not depressed nor demented; what you read was basically my definition of drunken revelry. As for the abundance of self-doubt I displayed, that was merely the result of smoking what we hedonists call low-quality schwag. Regardless, it’s all good, so let’s get to some stimulating (or lack thereof) one-sided discussion!

By the way, the ratings system has been updated. An SA (self-absorbed) rating means it’s all about me.

The Case of the Shit-Talking Jaywalkers (****)

This week a young woman was decked in the face after she tried to interfere with a police arrest. Seattle officer Ian P. Walsh was attempting to subdue and then handcuff Marilyn Levias, 19, for jaywalking when Levia's 17-year-old friend pushed the officer, prompting him to bust her (Levias’ friend) right in the face. Was his behavior justified or is this a case of police brutality?

Well, have you ever jaywalked? I personally jaywalk more than Jay Leno because I don’t feel comfortable or safe crossing the road at a busy intersection. Regardless, I’ve never once in my life been questioned or arrested for it. But in case an officer ever approaches me about my jaywalking, I would calmly apologize, promise to discontinue my illegal behavior and then likely bid him or her adieu—because I doubt most cops are looking to score a jaywalking bust.

The problem with Levias and her friend, however, is that they caught an immediate attitude. Instead of acting maturely and professionally (as you should when you’re in public), they became loud and belligerent. Before I go any further, let me break down the three key rules to Smart-People Club:

Smart-People Club Rule #1 - NEVER TALK BACK TO A COP!

Smart-People Club Rule #2 - NEVER LAY A FINGER ON A COP!

Smart-People Club Rule #3 - PRETEND TO LIKE COPS!

I’m not too fond of cops because they’re against the legalization of marijuana, but when I encounter one, I smile, wave and sometimes even sing a warmhearted jingle like, "Down with dope, up with hope, let's all get naked & wash each others' back with soap!" Of course, I'm secretly thinking, "I'd love to puff-puff pass one with yo wife, bitch!" But do I say it to the cop's face? HELL NAW, FOOL! It's called self-control, you Big Dummy!

Anyway. Because these young ladies acted inappropriately, I feel that they earned that ass-whooping—which by the way is now a YouTube favorite and therefore qualifies them for a future Tosh.O web redemption. If you don’t want to get mauled by a cop, then don’t act stupid. Plus believe it or not, most police officers aren’t out to get you. They’re just trying to uphold the law and earn a salary. There are instances of true police brutality in the history books, but this situation doesn’t quite fit the bill.

Nevertheless, was it really necessary for the officer to punch Levias’ friend in the face? Couldn’t he have just maced her or, better yet, called for backup? Hitting a defenseless, underage female seems quite unwarranted, not to mention ruthless. I hope that a better-trained officer might have respond with a less violent approach. As for Walsh, I don’t think he necessarily deserves to be fired, but he certainly could use some more time in the classroom.

Overall, this was an unfortunate situation that should have never transpired. My hopes are that the cop gets some extra training, and that the young ladies get a much-needed wakeup call!

By the way, there are better things to do than ticket someone for jaywalking…. like pulling over a Dunkin’ Doughnuts truck! (J/K!)



Laughter is the Best Medicine (***)

I’m a big fan of the show Frasier, and I’m an even bigger fan of Kelsey Grammer. He’s a brilliant comedian and producer unafraid to cross any and all racial boundaries. In fact, his production company, Grammnet Productions, is responsible for producing Girlfriends and The Game, both of which have been very well received by the black community. Mind you, I personally don’t care for Girlfriends, The Game OR Cheers, but I digress.

Anyway. This week I saw a really great episode of Frasier in which Kim Coles plays a sassy Southern black woman who temporarily replaces Ross as Frasier’s radio-show producer, and then proceeds to take over his show by giving out advice based on her Grandpa Willy’s sayings. Frasier can’t stand her or her silly advice, but is afraid to tell her to shut up because she’s black. And well, comedy like no other ensues! Check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2By3EQdwGLE.

The episode basically pits the pompous, uppity and tightly wound white guy against the loudmouth and obnoxious black woman. It’s absolutely hilarious and worth watching. A few people may claim it’s racist, but that’s asbsurd. Kim Coles has got to be one of the most down-to-Earth and sincere black women who’s ever graced the screen. The fact that she took part in this episode clearly indicates to me that it’s all in good fun and humor. I mention this because some people get wound up so tight over the most trivial matters. It shouldn’t ever be that serious!

Anyway. Later in the episode, Frasier finally confronts Kim Cole’s character, Dr. Mary. Mary isn’t at all upset. She understands where he’s coming from; plus she reveals that management has decided to reward her with her own show. She ends by saying, “If you'd told me to be quiet, I'd be back at the bakery. But instead, I've got this great new job, and this afternoon, I'm shopping for cars. I guess what I'm trying to say is, God bless your guilty white ass!” Now that’s funny!

Roland Martin (**)

I’m an avid fan of Roland Martin. I love to read his facebook status updates, although he does have a tendency to obsess about sports. I wonder at times if he should instead opt for a career as a sports columnist, lol.

Anyway. Many people claim that Roland is racist. I completely disagree. I feel that he’s merely opinionated and unafraid to speak about what’s troubling him. Individuals like Martin, Jesse Jackson and even Al Sharpton are just trying to fight for what they believe is right. By the way, I have yet to hear a peep from either Roland or Sharpton about the jaywalkers—probably because they know that both the girls are guilty. It’s my strong belief that they only come into the limelight for issues of relevance, such as the Jena Six six!

My point is simply that Roland isn’t racist man… he’s just trying to express himself. And it’s not like he does it in a rude or disrespectful way!

Presidential Bullshit (SA *)

The other night the Daily’s Show’s host, Jon Stewart, showcased a timeline of presidential bullshit. Obama, Bush, Clinton, Bush, Reagan, Carter and even Nixon have all spoken at one time or another about conquering our dependence on foreign oil. Many of them even claimed that the situation would be resolved before the end of their term. Well, it’s 2010 and jack shit has changed—surprisingly enough!

Anyway… watching this bit inspired me to have a sudden moment of self-actualization. Apparently, politicians talk about the same shit over and over again, but never do anything about it. Do you know what this means? This, Sirs and Madams, means that I was born to be a politician! Wow! Suddenly it all makes sense!



Yes…. I’m definitely onto something here!

(I know that’s not that funny… but it took me an hour of searching for “funny politician pictures” for me to finally locate something decent, so give me a break!)

The Power of Music? (***)

I can’t jog without a good beat thumping in my ears. It’s like trying to gallivant through an empty New York alleyway as my footsteps echo across the pavement, and beggars with beady, lifeless eyes stare through my soul. I suppose the same metaphor can be applied to life as well. Without the slow-paced love ballads of the Isley Brothers or the mid-tempo alcoholic sagas of Kenny Chesney to soothe my soul, feelings of meaningless and despair begin to tear at me until I’m rendered just an empty shell with barely any hope left—like a burnt-up candle begging to sprout one last flame of glory.

I guess the perfect combination of harmony, melody, lyrics and rhythm has the power to make or break me. It’s as if the music can elevate my mind from everyday consciousness (what to do, what to wear, where to go) to a higher plane of existence—one in which I feel symbiotically bonded to my peers. And apparently, I’m not alone in this sentiment. Take a look at Eminem’s video Sing for the Moment. Pay particular attention between 1:50 and 1:55. The image of that young lady in tears haunts me.

Why is she so emotional? Does she truly hear and feel Eminem’s words in her heart and spirit, or is she merely overcome by his grandiose presence and fame? Because music is so abstract and open to completely different interpretations, it’s difficult to make sense of her reaction. While she cries, her peers (a crowd of hyped-up suburbanites) swing their arms and dance around in glee. Is this just a musical joyride to them or are they really vibing to the pain and sorrow that Eminem is trying to express? I don’t know.

It’s funny because I’m somewhat jealous of musicians. All a song really amounts to is a collection of badly written paragraphs laced with the sound of drums, guitars and maybe even a piano. I imagine that an author likely spends at least 1000 more hours preparing a novel than a singer does putting together an album of 10 or 15 songs tops. Yet even I as an aspiring writer would much rather listen to a melodic mixtape than sit for hours flipping through a tedious book. Why is that?

The Supposed Rise of American Stupidity (**)

Research cited by CNN claims that “Obama's speech may have gone over the heads of many in his audience.” His speech was quite boring (I’m young; sue me!), but certainly not incomprehensible. That the average American cannot, according to researchers, decipher complex sentences is quite pathetic, not to mention scary! Anyone with at least a GED should have zero difficulty—at least in an ideal world—figuring out what the bloody heck he said! Methinks these researchers are cutting us short. Are we really that stupid as a nation? I don’t believe it!



…

….

…..

But I could perhaps be wrong.

Powerlifting (SA -*)

This week I bench-pressed 220 2x, 210 3x, 200 4x, 190 5x, and 185 6x. I lied the other week when I said I could do 205 6x because I was embarrassed to admit how weak I really am. Do keep in mind though that I weigh only about 160 and that I do my reps slow and without a bounce, except on maybe the last rep. By the same token, I use the power-lifter’s form with my legs pulled back, my back arched, and my upper back shoved into the bench (I try to never take my butt off the bench though, although sometimes I have to a little for the last rep because I don’t have a spotter). Without the power-lifter’s form, hah… I probably wouldn’t be able to get 200 twice!

Anyway. Since I love weightlifting so much, I’m actually considering maybe attending a local power-lifter’s championship meet. Since I only weigh 160, I might be able to come in the top 20 or 30 for my weight. If nothing else, I’d get a chance to meet other like-minded people and perhaps learn some new lifting tricks or, even better, make some dayum friends! I’ll probably never actually go because I’m afraid of how I’ll be received, but it’s definitely something I would enjoy doing.

Taking Responsibility (****)

Can I be honest with you? I’m quite immature for a 28-year-old in that I have a tendency for frivolous spending. Therefore my paychecks are mailed directly to my parents instead of to me. They then deposit the funds into their bank account, forward a small sum to my paypal account, deposit a larger quantity into my Food Lion giftcard and then submit the rest of it to my landlord and bill collectors. It’s quite pathetic, aye? But at least I’m making my own money, which is more than I can say for others.

I’m talking about the type of individuals who have become too comfortable leeching off others. Although I myself was once a full-fledged mooch, I eventually managed to rise up beyond my circumstances by acquiring a good job and working hard. Mind you, there were many years in-between during which I maintained simply by sucking the life out of others. It was unfortunate, but I did feel remorse—and I always tried my hardest (or so I felt) to acquire my own money.

But some people refuse to take even a smidgen of responsibility for their lives. They opt instead to cut every single corner they can find. The plethora of available government aid packages certainly doesn’t help either, as many of them live off disability checks, though they bear no signs of handicap other than pure laziness and stupidity. Don’t get me wrong. I sincerely believe in helping the less fortunate, because without a helpful hand to grip, some people will never get up. If my parents hadn’t assisted me, for instance, I would likely be homeless by now.

Where do we draw the line, though? How do we differentiate between someone who deserves help and someone who doesn’t? That’s what bugs me. So many people felt that I deserved jack shit, and that I should be thrown in with the wolves. But look at me now. After years of struggling, I’m slowly finding my voice and learning how to use it correctly. Without all the chances I was afforded, I would have amounted to nothing. I guess I’m scared that one day I’ll have the chance to help someone, but I’ll refuse because I’ll be too blind to see the potential within them.

Sighs.

Amy Bishop (SA *)

I am not Amy Bishop. Although we’re both introverted and weird, and although we both sport a nappy-ass hairdo (hers is on purpose; mine is due to lack of funds), that doesn’t mean I’m a psycho killer! I hate freaks like her that give all weirdos a bad name!

Forex Trading (SA *)

Sighs. All I ever do is break even! For a few days I might make $60, then for a few days I lose the $60. I’m becoming exceedingly frustrated, but I haven’t given up just yet. I’m trying to force myself to zoom out of the 5-minute/15-minute charts and start trading on the more reliable 4-hour and daily charts instead. Patience is a virtue that I seriously lack!

--

That’s it for tonight!

I’ve had a very short time to piece all of this together, so there may be spelling/grammar mistakes that I missed. Plus it’s pretty unorganized and all over the place. Sorry, but I’ve been hustling to put this all together today, while at the same time handling my day-to-day chores and whatnot.

Before I go, I just want to “thank everyone in my hood, my doctor and my psychiatrist!”

PS #1- The Frank Barone of magic: Chips Cooney. I love this guy!

PS #2 - Thank you Craigslist for making me format this entire piece my own fricken self! You have no clue how annoying it is to have to insert a bunch of arrow-symbols and p's all over the place! You know... the paragraph marks.

PS #3 - I live next to the real-life George Lopez, except that he has an extra kid and two dogs. Now that I think about it, George has two dogs too... his Mother and his Father-in-law. aHAH!

AND OH YAH... HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!! And I know this picture looks perverse because the man is holding up his daughter, but try to ignore that aspect of it and just enjoy the rest, courtesy of I-Am-Bored.

Friday, June 11th | Enjoy Yourself (Allure)

It’s FEEL GOOD FRIDAY! I have good news and bad news. They’re both the same: I’m not writing anything tonight! So if you don’t like me, then HOORAY FOR YOU! And if you do like me, then don’t worry because I’ll hopefully be back soon enough!

Anyway, I’d love to write a piece, especially since it gives me something to do, but I feel it's wise to take some time off, lest I crash and burn.

I hate to disappoint, especially since I have this ridiculous delusion that certain famous people actually read my blog, but everyone deserves time off! By the way, someone please remind the Doc to up my meds! J/K

Anyway. I’ll likely be back next week, depending on whether I rediscover the motivation to keep writing again! You know, there's only so much you can fricken say before it starts to get old! That's what makes writing such a pain in the ass!

For now though, I'm about to ENJOY MYSELF!

pEaCe OuT

PS - Thanks @ Jack from Fayetteville! And sorry about this week, but I was pretty sure that if I tried to blog tonight, I'd end up doing a bad job! My mind is just not into it right now.

Friday, June 4th | Summertime (Will Smith, DJ Jazzy Jeff)

It’s officially summer and that means a slew of new TV shows are hitting the airway: America’s Got Talent, Lie to Me, Hell’s Kitchen, Last Comic Standing and the highly anticipated Hot in Cleveland, to name a few. I won’t be watching the latter, however, because although I have a lot of feminine traits, I don’t have a vagina! I wish the beautiful Betty White much luck with her new endeavor, though!

Anyway. You know how I typically try to make my writing appear less self-centered by using words like we and us? Well, I’m not going with that angle today. Instead I’m going to approach this blog with a much more personal tone. In addition, I’m going to talk a lot about myself. I have a lot on my plate and I want to share it with people. You know, some liberals claim that conservatives are all about ‘me me me’ (don’t kill the messenger!)… if that’s true, then today you can just call me Dick Cheney!

By the way, Wife Swap was preempted tonight for the dayum Spelling Bee (snore!). What’s funny though is that 70% of the contestants were Asian. Hah… in yo face! You may have big muscles and big genitals, but I bet you can’t spell Uzbekistan. Well, I mean you probably couldn’t spell it if, you know, I hadn’t spelled it for you, right? Yeah… that’s what I thought, BITCH! j/k j/k j/k.

Daily Horoscope

My horoscope today reads, “You have something on your mind today and nothing will prevent you from sharing your truth. But you could easily say too much, turning a concise idea into a rambling string of thoughts that bewilders others. Using fewer words will help you make your point clearly, but don't assume that your actions speak louder than your words. You'll still need to clarify your intentions because no one will understand your true motivation without an explanation.”

Phew…talk about turning up the pressure! In accordance with my horoscope, I will try to be more clear and concise with my writing this week! Keep in mind however that jokes will be interspersed throughout it as a reminder for me to never take myself too seriously.

Also, I’ve added a STAR system. 4 stars means it's worth reading, while 1 star means it’s crappity crap crap.

Final Thoughts on Race, Tolerance and Heartlessness (****)

I’m worried that people think I’m going to suddenly start listening to Hindi music and wearing a dot on my head. No. I’m an Indian by race and I will always be an Indian by race, but I live my life as a very free-spirited individual. And as a very free-spirited individual, I don’t define myself by my race. I have a lot of characteristics in common with the average Indian, but I’m actually quite different and unique than the average Indian—or at least compared to the average Indians that I’ve met. That’s because I personally choose to live life according to my own rules, beliefs and likes. For instance, I love ol’ school soul music, Chinese food and thin white women, but I’m not too fond of organized religion, hierarchical structures and women with big butts but small breasts.

Not everyone feels the same as me, though. I know many Indians who base their interests and spiritual/religious beliefs entirely on their race. That’s absolutely cool with me because I believe in the phrase, “Do you, pimpin’!” Live life in whatever way you please. I accept you unconditionally because I am not God; plus there is no single right way to live ones life. If a female Indian wants to live her life as a dedicated Hindu, cool beans. If a male Hispanic wants to live his life as a transgendered Catholic who works full-time as a cosmetician, cool beans. If Billy Bob the accountant wants to secretly dress up in a pink tutu and give massages to deep-voiced Nigerians, cool beans. Do whatever makes you happy, so long as it doesn’t bring harm to others.

Whether you live life for yourself, your race, your religion, your gender, your sexuality, your fetishes, your whatever—it doesn’t matter to me. That in my opinion is the true meaning of tolerance: unconditional acceptance. If you claim to be tolerant and open-minded, but you try to forcefully mold others into your own image, then you’re not as tolerant and open-minded as you perceive yourself to be. I myself fit into this category to a tee. I oftentimes find myself hating on others, especially those with whom I reside, merely because their lifestyle choices don’t concur with my own. We’re all guilty of doing it; it’s a common mistake and to err is human—and so is learning from our mistakes.

What I find frustrating though is the heartlessness that pervades our society. It’s everywhere. I don’t know if it’s due to resentment or jealousy—or if people are just innately heartless. For instance, I try to read every news article with a positive outlook, but the comments section is always chockfull of such negative sentiment. Earlier this week there was a piece on CNN about Ted Turner’s reaction to his son’s premature death by an alcohol overdose. My only thought was, “R.I.P. and God Bless.” Yet the board was full of assholes making insensitive remarks about alcoholics (nowhere in the article did it say that Turner’s son was an alcoholic), Ted Turner and even his deceased son.

Here’s another example. I wrote an article a few weeks ago about India’s transgendered community. It was published this week and one comment (the only one in fact, lol) stuck out to me: “Disgusting! How the F@#$ are they given the right to have young inncoent [sic] boys in order to achieve their pleasures? ARGH!!! Good thing they are discriminated, bunch of freaks.” Nowhere in the article did I even mention child molestation or pedophilia. Yet this man or woman chose to reach his/her own conclusion and then cast judgment in a malicious and very unnecessary way. I found it quite disturbing, but not too surprising.

This sort of heartlessness frustrates me very much, especially since it can be found everywhere. In the Middle East, the Israelis and Palestinians kill each other over what is supposedly ‘holy’ land, as if living in Jerusalem exempts them from murdering and raping one another. In Asia, widowed Indian women are cast out from society and made to feel less than human just because they lost their husbands. In Africa, young men are taught to rape, pillage and plunder so that the greedy warlords can line their pockets with money. And in the United States, politicians use rabble-rousing rhetoric to turn us against one another so much so that we can’t even stand each other’s presence anymore. (think Sarah Palin and her new neighbor, LOL!)

But what I find even more frustrating than this is people’s unwillingness to cast aside this heartlessness and instead embrace openness and tolerance. Mind you, a lot of people are getting into the groove of new-age thinking and enlightenment, but there’s still a bevy of folk who remain steadfast in their narrowmindedness. Sometimes it feels like being uneducated, ignorant and foolhardy is becoming the new ‘cool.’ Maybe I’m just oversensitive to negativity, but you can’t deny that this is a fucked up world and that most of us (myself included) could really use some major guidance. And I’m not talking about speeches from politicians, religious leaders or false messiahs. I’m talking about something beyond our current comprehension—something with the power to bring us all together once and for all.

They say that misery loves company, which is why tragedies tend to bring people together. I wonder then whether a worldwide catastrophe is what’s necessary for mankind to finally get its head out its ass and get it together. Do we need the entire world to fall apart like a cigarette ash before people stop hating one another? And if that did happen and it worked, how long would it be before the same problems popped right back up? I mean are we innately programmed to be assholes or do we just not know any better yet?

Questions questions questions. I’d love to end this with a strong and valid point, but I myself am far too ignorant and foolhardy to think up something worthwhile enough to end this with. I guess all I can do is hope that we one day evolve out of all this foolishness. The only question is how long will it take. The good news is that we’ve obviously come a long way since the 1970s:



It took us only 40 years to do and look at us now (rolls eyes). Sighs.

We sure are a slow-growing species, aren’t we? And that’s why it’d be really great if we could get some guidance to help speed us up. Thank you Jesus, Mohammed, Buddha and all the other great Saints of antiquity, but I feel like it’s time for a new leader and a new testament of wisdom and truth. Speaking of which, feel free to land and say wasup anytime now, E.T.!!! (I guess this is where the ‘bewilderment’ that my horoscope spoke of kicks in, lol)

Fin

Busted by the PoPo (**)

I was pulled over this week while walking, lol. The reason is because I was walking (too tired to jog) in 90-degree weather while dressed like a crackhead scavenging for food during a Philadelphia winter! Even though sweating has nothing to do whatsoever with losing weight, it makes me feel thinner. Anyway, I obviously looked awfully suspicious. Added to that, my radio broke down again, so I fixed it by attaching an anti-static wristband to its signal receiver thingy. So I basically looked like I had an IED wrapped around my head!

The cops were really cool though and even gave me some useful tips. The irony is that the main cop was rather pudgy, which means I could probably have outran his ass if I really wanted too, lol (j/k, j/k, j/k!!). Actually, never ever underestimate a police officer, no matter his/her age, gender or weight! Cops are hardcore man: strong, 100% sober and ultra-ultra FAST! And more importantly, they put their lives at risk everyday like a soldier to protect us!

By the way, I don’t suppose I was pulled over because…. I’m black!?



JUST KIDDING! By the way, kids, don’t try teasing the po-po after you get pulled over! I only do it because I’m a complete dumbass!

Flirting with Women (*)

A somewhat obese woman flirted with me earlier today. You should have seen me. I looked like a deer caught between headlights: uhhhh…. ummmm…. ahhhh. Mind you, I wasn’t that interested because I’m exceptionally picky, but still. And before you start chastising me for being a Shallow Hal, consider that I spend a lot of money eating healthy, a lot of time weight lifting and a ridiculous amount of energy trying to jog as a dumbass smoker. Therefore I feel it’s only fair to expect that my gf or future wife hold herself to these same standards. Mind you since I’m ugly like Flavor Flav, she is entitled to also be ugly. (sighs!)

The irony is that I’m a total cyber stud. On facebook I talk to a plethora of sexy, older women that beg me to send them naked, sweaty photos of myself. Yet in the real world I couldn’t get some from a really ugly whore. And then you wonder why guys like me are itching for true virtual reality to be created! (think Bud Bundy in ‘User Friendly’)

Forex (***)

Two weeks ago I fell into an emotional slump after losing $8 in the Forex market. I grew frustrated at my inability to acquire any real profit, which was due heavily in part to my extremely limited capital. My parents decided to invest $200 into my trading and I have since risen back up like a Phoenix. But despite having so much margin available, I’ve been careful to never put more than 15% of my available margin at risk.

I’m currently relying mainly on a Hedging strategy. I’ve setup two sub-accounts. One is for long trades and the other is for short trades. I always have both buy and sell positions in play. This works especially well because the market tends to fluctuate up and down like a wave. And in case the market begins to trend strongly in one direction, I wait until it caps, take the profit on the winning trade, transfer ½ of my newly found margin into the losing account, tighten my stops and then wait for the market price to hopefully retrace its steps. So far the strategy has netted me over $60.00 in profit, which is pretty freaking cool!

I do most of my trading during the Asian/London sessions, but I wake up periodically every morning to check on the US session. I’ve noticed patterns in how the market behaves prior to an import news release, during the release and afterwards. These patterns are helping me make better trading decisions and therefore acquire more profit. I however have to learn about a new concept called an OPTION. Earlier this week a news release spoke about a ‘strike expiry,’ which has something to with options. I still don’t understand what it is or how it affected the market, but I’m trying to learn. I must admit though that options really confuse the heck out of me!

I’m very happy with my Forex trading and hope to continue excelling at it. I just ask that you show some respect. Most people laugh at the idea of a day trader, but it is a very possible career option. Several years ago I met a Forex day trader who decided to eat at the Chinese buffet where I worked. He was in the fact the one who suggested Oanda to me. His life centered around sitting in front of his laptop all day and just watching the charts fluctuate up and down. Though it’s a risky and quite selfish lifestyle, it really suits me well and I hope to one day do it fulltime.

The most important thing he told me was to never use more than 5% of my margin. Lucky for him, however, he had a 20k bankroll to work with. Since I only have a few hundred dollars, I feel compelled to use a tad bit more margin, although I will not exceed 15%, no matter how lucrative a trade looks. The key is to keep enough margin in my account to avoid the dreaded margin call—which has the power to bankrupt me overnight.

Anyway. I’m not an expert or even close to it, but I want to give a small little lecture on Forex trading. It’ll help me put together my learned knowledge and also maybe give somebody else an insight into the market. So if you don’t want to hear me babble, then move on to the next title.

Forex trading is built on two basic schools of thought: fundamental and technical. Fundamental concerns the way in which the news affects the price, whereas technical focuses on the pattern of price behavior. Understanding both is extremely important to becoming a successful trader. News releases have the most affect on price, but the technical indicators are what determine the support and resistance levels that define price range. For instance, the price of EUR/USD (which is the ratio between the Euro and the US dollar) has been bouncing off a ‘support level’ around uhh about 1.2175, 1.2000 for the last few days. Earlier today a report from the US caused the price to finally break that support and crash down to about 1.1966. What’ll happen now?

Well, some analysts speculate that the price has bottomed out and will climb back up to 1.3 by late July. Others, however, feel that the price is more likely to crash further down to around 1.16. Either way, it’s not likely to happen soon, unlike there’s a sudden spike in price behavior. Usually the price moves the most on Thursdays and Fridays. On Sunday and Monday, it tends to consolidate or retrace its route. Like this Thurs/Fri, the price dropped significantly. My guess is that it will climb back up for a few days and then, assuming good news for the US and bad news for the Euro, crash down even further or just back to its new support level.

Anyway. I’ll shut up now, but I’ll keep you all updated on my trading. I’m taking it very slow and in stride. I’d love to use more margin to gain BIG gains, but I’d rather take a lot less risk and make my money the slow and sure way.

Cheers!

Protein, Protein, Protein (*)

I’m starting to realize the importance of consuming protein right after a workout. For the past six months, I’ve gone jogging right after completing my weight-lifting workout. And surprisingly enough, I’ve had barely any strength gains. A few weeks ago I started consuming a 40g protein shake right after my workout, and 20-minutes before going jogging. I’m starting to notice real improvements! I deadlifted 275 three times, ass-to-grass (butt touches calves) squatted 185 six times, wide-gripped bench pressed 200 seven times (HUGE IMPROVEMENT) and shoulder pressed 105 eight times (BIG IMPROVEMENT) this week! What I’m most proud of though is close-grip benching 205 one time! I love my triceps! I want to get humongous like my new roommate, who I swear is like the black Hulk Hogan! Suffice it to say, I hate looking like Chelsea Clinton!

Ol’ School Music vs New School Music (-*)

Old people complain that rap music lyrics are bad for society because they promote addictive behavior. However, how is ol’ school music any different? Whereas hiphop songs talk about hoes, clothes and gang-bangs (the violent ones and the non-violent ones), it seems like every ol’ school song just talks just about love and sex. And quite frankly, as a man who will likely never see a vagina in person again, I’d much rather listen to music about cars, drugs and money! Even Betty White doesn’t want none of this!



Cigarette Prices (**1/2)

Earlier this week CNN posted an article about how American cigarettes have more harmful chemicals in them than cigarettes that come from other countries. I'm a smoker and I believe these findings. During a trip to India in late 2009, I noticed that the cigarettes over there didn't affect me nearly as strongly as the ones I smoke here. Hell.. half of them burned up before I could even get a decent toke.

The sad thing is that despite the horror of these findings, I'm still compelled to light up a cigarette as I type. Not to mention that the increasing price of cigarettes hasn't deterred me one bit from seeking a smoke; if anything, it's only led to me working harder at the job so that I can keep affording this stupid and disgusting habit. Sighs.

I say that smoking is more addictive AND dangerous than any other substance out there. Whereas cigarettes kill by themselves, most other drugs like alcohol, LSD (not that I approve) and cocaine (not that I approve) tend to instead lead us to kill ourselves via our own inebriated stupidity.

--

That’s it. I wanted to talk a bit about Arthur Davis, that new Ice Cube show that looks like it's going to suck more than T Perry's shows (stop using laugh tracks! Everybody Loves Raymond rocks partially because there's a live studio audience, which in turn comes off as a whole lot less fake!!!!), Monk, Tosh.O, Jay Leno and Jimmy Fallon taking the week off (bastards), Wanda Sykes taking the whole dayum summer off (you bitch! LOL), T.I. on Mo'Nique (Grand Hustle!), Jon Stewart, and boys kicking each other in the nuts for fun, but I’m out of time and ready to get my drink on!

PS – There will be no stupid, drunken buffoonery from me tonight! I wake up the next morning angry beyond belief at myself for saying such stupid things. Therefore I will not be coming back to craigslist tonight!

PS #2 – Are you drunk? You aren’t? ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT…..