In the words of Buck, ya’ll “shoulda neva let me in” here, heheh. J/K!
It’s Feel Good Friday! Thank you all for bearing with me last weekend. I’m not depressed nor demented; what you read was basically my definition of drunken revelry. As for the abundance of self-doubt I displayed, that was merely the result of smoking what we hedonists call low-quality schwag. Regardless, it’s all good, so let’s get to some stimulating (or lack thereof) one-sided discussion!
By the way, the ratings system has been updated. An SA (self-absorbed) rating means it’s all about me.
The Case of the Shit-Talking Jaywalkers (****)
This week a young woman was decked in the face after she tried to interfere with a police arrest. Seattle officer Ian P. Walsh was attempting to subdue and then handcuff Marilyn Levias, 19, for jaywalking when Levia's 17-year-old friend pushed the officer, prompting him to bust her (Levias’ friend) right in the face. Was his behavior justified or is this a case of police brutality?
Well, have you ever jaywalked? I personally jaywalk more than Jay Leno because I don’t feel comfortable or safe crossing the road at a busy intersection. Regardless, I’ve never once in my life been questioned or arrested for it. But in case an officer ever approaches me about my jaywalking, I would calmly apologize, promise to discontinue my illegal behavior and then likely bid him or her adieu—because I doubt most cops are looking to score a jaywalking bust.
The problem with Levias and her friend, however, is that they caught an immediate attitude. Instead of acting maturely and professionally (as you should when you’re in public), they became loud and belligerent. Before I go any further, let me break down the three key rules to Smart-People Club:
Smart-People Club Rule #1 - NEVER TALK BACK TO A COP!
Smart-People Club Rule #2 - NEVER LAY A FINGER ON A COP!
Smart-People Club Rule #3 - PRETEND TO LIKE COPS!
I’m not too fond of cops because they’re against the legalization of marijuana, but when I encounter one, I smile, wave and sometimes even sing a warmhearted jingle like, "Down with dope, up with hope, let's all get naked & wash each others' back with soap!" Of course, I'm secretly thinking, "I'd love to puff-puff pass one with yo wife, bitch!" But do I say it to the cop's face? HELL NAW, FOOL! It's called self-control, you Big Dummy!
Anyway. Because these young ladies acted inappropriately, I feel that they earned that ass-whooping—which by the way is now a YouTube favorite and therefore qualifies them for a future Tosh.O web redemption. If you don’t want to get mauled by a cop, then don’t act stupid. Plus believe it or not, most police officers aren’t out to get you. They’re just trying to uphold the law and earn a salary. There are instances of true police brutality in the history books, but this situation doesn’t quite fit the bill.
Nevertheless, was it really necessary for the officer to punch Levias’ friend in the face? Couldn’t he have just maced her or, better yet, called for backup? Hitting a defenseless, underage female seems quite unwarranted, not to mention ruthless. I hope that a better-trained officer might have respond with a less violent approach. As for Walsh, I don’t think he necessarily deserves to be fired, but he certainly could use some more time in the classroom.
Overall, this was an unfortunate situation that should have never transpired. My hopes are that the cop gets some extra training, and that the young ladies get a much-needed wakeup call!
By the way, there are better things to do than ticket someone for jaywalking…. like pulling over a Dunkin’ Doughnuts truck! (J/K!)
Laughter is the Best Medicine (***)
I’m a big fan of the show Frasier, and I’m an even bigger fan of Kelsey Grammer. He’s a brilliant comedian and producer unafraid to cross any and all racial boundaries. In fact, his production company, Grammnet Productions, is responsible for producing Girlfriends and The Game, both of which have been very well received by the black community. Mind you, I personally don’t care for Girlfriends, The Game OR Cheers, but I digress.
Anyway. This week I saw a really great episode of Frasier in which Kim Coles plays a sassy Southern black woman who temporarily replaces Ross as Frasier’s radio-show producer, and then proceeds to take over his show by giving out advice based on her Grandpa Willy’s sayings. Frasier can’t stand her or her silly advice, but is afraid to tell her to shut up because she’s black. And well, comedy like no other ensues! Check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2By3EQdwGLE.
The episode basically pits the pompous, uppity and tightly wound white guy against the loudmouth and obnoxious black woman. It’s absolutely hilarious and worth watching. A few people may claim it’s racist, but that’s asbsurd. Kim Coles has got to be one of the most down-to-Earth and sincere black women who’s ever graced the screen. The fact that she took part in this episode clearly indicates to me that it’s all in good fun and humor. I mention this because some people get wound up so tight over the most trivial matters. It shouldn’t ever be that serious!
Anyway. Later in the episode, Frasier finally confronts Kim Cole’s character, Dr. Mary. Mary isn’t at all upset. She understands where he’s coming from; plus she reveals that management has decided to reward her with her own show. She ends by saying, “If you'd told me to be quiet, I'd be back at the bakery. But instead, I've got this great new job, and this afternoon, I'm shopping for cars. I guess what I'm trying to say is, God bless your guilty white ass!” Now that’s funny!
Roland Martin (**)
I’m an avid fan of Roland Martin. I love to read his facebook status updates, although he does have a tendency to obsess about sports. I wonder at times if he should instead opt for a career as a sports columnist, lol.
Anyway. Many people claim that Roland is racist. I completely disagree. I feel that he’s merely opinionated and unafraid to speak about what’s troubling him. Individuals like Martin, Jesse Jackson and even Al Sharpton are just trying to fight for what they believe is right. By the way, I have yet to hear a peep from either Roland or Sharpton about the jaywalkers—probably because they know that both the girls are guilty. It’s my strong belief that they only come into the limelight for issues of relevance, such as the Jena Six six!
My point is simply that Roland isn’t racist man… he’s just trying to express himself. And it’s not like he does it in a rude or disrespectful way!
Presidential Bullshit (SA *)
The other night the Daily’s Show’s host, Jon Stewart, showcased a timeline of presidential bullshit. Obama, Bush, Clinton, Bush, Reagan, Carter and even Nixon have all spoken at one time or another about conquering our dependence on foreign oil. Many of them even claimed that the situation would be resolved before the end of their term. Well, it’s 2010 and jack shit has changed—surprisingly enough!
Anyway… watching this bit inspired me to have a sudden moment of self-actualization. Apparently, politicians talk about the same shit over and over again, but never do anything about it. Do you know what this means? This, Sirs and Madams, means that I was born to be a politician! Wow! Suddenly it all makes sense!
Yes…. I’m definitely onto something here!
(I know that’s not that funny… but it took me an hour of searching for “funny politician pictures” for me to finally locate something decent, so give me a break!)
The Power of Music? (***)
I can’t jog without a good beat thumping in my ears. It’s like trying to gallivant through an empty New York alleyway as my footsteps echo across the pavement, and beggars with beady, lifeless eyes stare through my soul. I suppose the same metaphor can be applied to life as well. Without the slow-paced love ballads of the Isley Brothers or the mid-tempo alcoholic sagas of Kenny Chesney to soothe my soul, feelings of meaningless and despair begin to tear at me until I’m rendered just an empty shell with barely any hope left—like a burnt-up candle begging to sprout one last flame of glory.
I guess the perfect combination of harmony, melody, lyrics and rhythm has the power to make or break me. It’s as if the music can elevate my mind from everyday consciousness (what to do, what to wear, where to go) to a higher plane of existence—one in which I feel symbiotically bonded to my peers. And apparently, I’m not alone in this sentiment. Take a look at Eminem’s video Sing for the Moment. Pay particular attention between 1:50 and 1:55. The image of that young lady in tears haunts me.
Why is she so emotional? Does she truly hear and feel Eminem’s words in her heart and spirit, or is she merely overcome by his grandiose presence and fame? Because music is so abstract and open to completely different interpretations, it’s difficult to make sense of her reaction. While she cries, her peers (a crowd of hyped-up suburbanites) swing their arms and dance around in glee. Is this just a musical joyride to them or are they really vibing to the pain and sorrow that Eminem is trying to express? I don’t know.
It’s funny because I’m somewhat jealous of musicians. All a song really amounts to is a collection of badly written paragraphs laced with the sound of drums, guitars and maybe even a piano. I imagine that an author likely spends at least 1000 more hours preparing a novel than a singer does putting together an album of 10 or 15 songs tops. Yet even I as an aspiring writer would much rather listen to a melodic mixtape than sit for hours flipping through a tedious book. Why is that?
The Supposed Rise of American Stupidity (**)
Research cited by CNN claims that “Obama's speech may have gone over the heads of many in his audience.” His speech was quite boring (I’m young; sue me!), but certainly not incomprehensible. That the average American cannot, according to researchers, decipher complex sentences is quite pathetic, not to mention scary! Anyone with at least a GED should have zero difficulty—at least in an ideal world—figuring out what the bloody heck he said! Methinks these researchers are cutting us short. Are we really that stupid as a nation? I don’t believe it!
…
….
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But I could perhaps be wrong.
Powerlifting (SA -*)
This week I bench-pressed 220 2x, 210 3x, 200 4x, 190 5x, and 185 6x. I lied the other week when I said I could do 205 6x because I was embarrassed to admit how weak I really am. Do keep in mind though that I weigh only about 160 and that I do my reps slow and without a bounce, except on maybe the last rep. By the same token, I use the power-lifter’s form with my legs pulled back, my back arched, and my upper back shoved into the bench (I try to never take my butt off the bench though, although sometimes I have to a little for the last rep because I don’t have a spotter). Without the power-lifter’s form, hah… I probably wouldn’t be able to get 200 twice!
Anyway. Since I love weightlifting so much, I’m actually considering maybe attending a local power-lifter’s championship meet. Since I only weigh 160, I might be able to come in the top 20 or 30 for my weight. If nothing else, I’d get a chance to meet other like-minded people and perhaps learn some new lifting tricks or, even better, make some dayum friends! I’ll probably never actually go because I’m afraid of how I’ll be received, but it’s definitely something I would enjoy doing.
Taking Responsibility (****)
Can I be honest with you? I’m quite immature for a 28-year-old in that I have a tendency for frivolous spending. Therefore my paychecks are mailed directly to my parents instead of to me. They then deposit the funds into their bank account, forward a small sum to my paypal account, deposit a larger quantity into my Food Lion giftcard and then submit the rest of it to my landlord and bill collectors. It’s quite pathetic, aye? But at least I’m making my own money, which is more than I can say for others.
I’m talking about the type of individuals who have become too comfortable leeching off others. Although I myself was once a full-fledged mooch, I eventually managed to rise up beyond my circumstances by acquiring a good job and working hard. Mind you, there were many years in-between during which I maintained simply by sucking the life out of others. It was unfortunate, but I did feel remorse—and I always tried my hardest (or so I felt) to acquire my own money.
But some people refuse to take even a smidgen of responsibility for their lives. They opt instead to cut every single corner they can find. The plethora of available government aid packages certainly doesn’t help either, as many of them live off disability checks, though they bear no signs of handicap other than pure laziness and stupidity. Don’t get me wrong. I sincerely believe in helping the less fortunate, because without a helpful hand to grip, some people will never get up. If my parents hadn’t assisted me, for instance, I would likely be homeless by now.
Where do we draw the line, though? How do we differentiate between someone who deserves help and someone who doesn’t? That’s what bugs me. So many people felt that I deserved jack shit, and that I should be thrown in with the wolves. But look at me now. After years of struggling, I’m slowly finding my voice and learning how to use it correctly. Without all the chances I was afforded, I would have amounted to nothing. I guess I’m scared that one day I’ll have the chance to help someone, but I’ll refuse because I’ll be too blind to see the potential within them.
Sighs.
Amy Bishop (SA *)
I am not Amy Bishop. Although we’re both introverted and weird, and although we both sport a nappy-ass hairdo (hers is on purpose; mine is due to lack of funds), that doesn’t mean I’m a psycho killer! I hate freaks like her that give all weirdos a bad name!
Forex Trading (SA *)
Sighs. All I ever do is break even! For a few days I might make $60, then for a few days I lose the $60. I’m becoming exceedingly frustrated, but I haven’t given up just yet. I’m trying to force myself to zoom out of the 5-minute/15-minute charts and start trading on the more reliable 4-hour and daily charts instead. Patience is a virtue that I seriously lack!
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That’s it for tonight!
I’ve had a very short time to piece all of this together, so there may be spelling/grammar mistakes that I missed. Plus it’s pretty unorganized and all over the place. Sorry, but I’ve been hustling to put this all together today, while at the same time handling my day-to-day chores and whatnot.
Before I go, I just want to “thank everyone in my hood, my doctor and my psychiatrist!”
PS #1- The Frank Barone of magic: Chips Cooney. I love this guy!
PS #2 - Thank you Craigslist for making me format this entire piece my own fricken self! You have no clue how annoying it is to have to insert a bunch of arrow-symbols and p's all over the place! You know... the paragraph marks.
PS #3 - I live next to the real-life George Lopez, except that he has an extra kid and two dogs. Now that I think about it, George has two dogs too... his Mother and his Father-in-law. aHAH!
AND OH YAH... HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!! And I know this picture looks perverse because the man is holding up his daughter, but try to ignore that aspect of it and just enjoy the rest, courtesy of I-Am-Bored.
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