Friday, June 5th | Man in the Mirror (R.I.P. Michael Jackson)

Throwback Hiphop Recommendation: “Swang” (Trae) - features MJ's beat

“we the best at what we gon be and these haters know it,
so haters hate us to death and I know cause these haters show it
I only ride alone so they can picture me rollin”

Such horrible grammar, LOL (J/K).

Thank You FEEL GOOD FRIDAY for finally arriving. It’s been a long, stressful and, at times, fatiguing week. Unfortunately, I feel compelled to write this stupid blog, though I’d much rather just relax and enjoy life. Anyway. I have a few things on my mind that I wish to explore and you’re welcome to follow along or just ignore this post altogether. Either way, I hope that all of you have a GREAT weekend!

By the way, the ratings system has been updated yet again. GH means the section is ghetto, as in "anti-intellectual" and ruffian in nature. Look... I'm just a slum dog millionaire wannabe trying to keep my inner monkey from jumping out and stealing your bananas! I can’t help it, man!

Precursor (SA)

Horoscope: “You prefer not having to defend your illogical feelings against attack because it's stressful enough just to understand them yourself. As a general rule, being irrational is not the most comfortable position to place yourself in. Nevertheless, you know that something big is at stake and you're willing to do whatever you must. Remember, cool logic might not help you now as much as simply recognizing what's in your heart.”

Wow… that just gave me goosebumps!

Cosmic Justice (****)

I’m going to start by talking about illegal immigrants. But first I want to warn you that the following may be offensive. In fact, everything I’m about to write may be altogether completely wrong and just outright ignorant. However, it’s on my mind and so I want to explore it.

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Illegal immigration is wrong. There are no ifs, ands or buts about it. If a foreigner wants to pursue a life here, then it is on him or her to follow the proper procedures required for permanent entry into the United States. However, despite our strict enforcement policies, illegals keep on trying to sneak their way across our border. This in turn has many Americans fuming from the mouth in rage, which of course is quite understandable. My concern, though, is that we’re slowly allowing our anger to erode our humanity—especially the part that allows us to feel compassion.

For instance, a piece on CNN this week about "migrant American dreamers" risking life and limb aboard the “train of death” elicited particularly angry responses from the public.

Guestling2 wrote:
"Is this supposed to make us feel sorry for them? Didn't work in this house! If your country is a mess, stay there and make it better. But no, they want to come here, take our jobs, our money, our peace of mind and public safety, and then they want US to fix their contry. We need to enforce our immigration laws and SECURE our borders. I need a passport to visit Canada and return to the U.S., but we let this detritus freely flow across our borders and try to drag us down to their level. We should mine the southern border.”

I think what Guestling2 and his/her peers fail to realize is that many (mind you not all) of the illegals trying to cross the border are merely trying to escape what to them is hell on Earth.

Imagine for a second being one of two Mexican parents who grew up poor and now live in a gang-controlled neighborhood riddled with death and decay. They have a son whom they wish to see educated, but sadly, they cannot afford to send him to school on their meager salary. So there remain only two other options:

#1. Join the neighborhood gang and earn money by selling drugs or killing others.
#2. Try to flee across the border, get a job and funnel money back home.

What would you do in this scenario? Perhaps you might try to assemble a “community watch” against the gangs? If you do, you’ll likely die, as will your entire family—including your cherished son.

Now imagine instead that you are a widowed mother of two from Honduras. You were once a housewife, but your husband passed and now you’re frantically scouring your hometown in search of a job. In the meantime, your children are starving and death looms overhead like a dark rain cloud. After two months of barely surviving—during which you prostituted yourself so that you could feed your kids—you’re offered a chance to ride a ‘train’ to the United States with your children. What would you do?

My point is that many of these illegals have no other option. It’s not that they’re not willing to work hard toward a better life; it’s rather that nobody else, including their own government, gives a damn about them. And sadly, no opportunities exist for them. Do you understand? You know what…let’s take this a step further.

Imagine being me. Although raised by two intelligent and well-off parents, I grew up amidst a plethora of social problems that inhibited my ability to function normally around my peers. Truth be told, I would likely either be homeless or dead by now if my parents had not intervened on my behalf. Yet even now, years later, I still struggle; though I’m 28, I possess the emotional stability, social aptitude and perhaps even the mental acuity (although that’s up for debate, lol) of an 18 year old. You know that phrase “30s are the new 20s”? Well, when I’m in my 30s, I really will be living life as if I’m in my 20s!

Now think of all the people out there with no backbone to rely on—trying to survive and succeed with nobody to help them. They literally have NOTHING.

Perhaps a gentleman named Justice can better explain this:
“I cannot being to imagine would it would be like if we United States citizens were the ones living in poverty and turmoil, and if neighboring countries that had the ability to offer us grace in our distress treated us like animals. Imagine if we were the ones without food, desperate to find a way out of a miserable life. Whatever your opinion on undocumented immigration, take a moment to consider this; You did not choose your birth. You are not entitled to a better life than those who were born in less privileged countries. At a minimum, treat them with respect and civility, because it could have just as easily been you who was born into less economically privileged circumstances.”

Look, in no way, shape or form am I insinuating that we should allow illegal immigrants to just stroll across our border. Nor am I advocating amnesty for illegals who have illegally settled within our borders. In fact, I’m not even suggesting that we go out of our way to fix these people’s problems. What I am however trying to say is that although illegal immigration is wrong and although we have every right to combat it (even with force, if necessary), shouldn’t we at least—if not with our actions, then with our hearts—show SOME compassion for these people? Are they not human? Do they not also deserve a chance to live a meaningful life and raise a family?

As I said earlier, illegal immigration is wrong. There are no ifs, ands or buts about it. But the heartlessness we as Americans harbor toward these illegals is equally wrong. I feel like we have become or are becoming a very selfish, self-centered people who just want to hide in our privileged bubble as those around us suffer. I love my country to death, but I truly fear that we may be due a serious dose of karma from the Universe. It’s tragic, but there is (I believe) such a thing as cosmic justice, and if we don’t take a close look at ourselves in the mirror soon, we might one day end up its next victim.

Am I Losing my Hood Credibility? (GH -*)

Oh man, I was called all sorts of whack names this week: punk, bitch, puta and, worst of all, white boy. Folks in the hood are mad because I’ve been sucking up to the police like a black man sucking on a big white titty with nipples so big they wave in the wind (whooooosh). Yo, I don’t have any other option. I don’t have a car, which means I can’t outrun the po-po if they come after me. So until I get rich and finally cop that Lamborghini, umma do like the Muslims and just say no to fucking with pork! And you know that’s right!

Speaking of which, I SALUTE all the officers of America. I say unto you, where would we be without you out on the streets “refereeing” our behaviors!?



That was stupid, but I had to come up with something that would fit with this awesome gif starring the one and only Lieutenant Frank Drebin!

General McChrystal’s Resignation (*)

I’m deeply saddened by General McChrystal’s resignation. From what I’ve read about him in Time Magazine, he seems rather brilliant and clearly aware of what he’s doing in Afghanistan. I was hoping that Obama could just rochambeau him (kick in the nads) and let bygones by bygones, but apparently that’s not the way in which the military functions. I just hope that General Petraeus can continue the good work.

By the way, it’s a good thing I was never accepted into the military, because as much shit as I talk, I would have been kicked out in under 24 hours!

** SALUTE **

The Haters(**)

I have hate breeding in my heart today, Ladies and Gentlemen. For instance, I hate inconsiderate people. If you want to cook a meal, be prepared to wash your dishes and wipe down the counters. If you’re washing your clothes, don’t forget to clean off the lint trap. And if you absolutely must take a shit in a public restroom, then use the ‘dump and flush’ method, you fricken bastard! Is it really all that complicated?

I guess I’m just a hater, right? Not necessarily. Although the term hater is typically associated with any individual who dislikes something or someone, I propose today that we redefine it because this definition is far too lenient, in that it renders us all to haters. Can you honestly name me one person who doesn’t dislike something or someone? It’s practically impossible because we all have our pet peeves. So then what is a hater!?

First off, a hater should never be associated with any sort of material or non-living object. You can hate my curry-smelling stools all you want, but that doesn’t make you a hater. If, on the other hand, you hate ME because I’m opinionated and different, then you, Sir or Madam, are a fricken hater! So rule one is that haters dislike people.

Second, a hater suffers from either a superiority or inferiority complex. For instance, an elitist hater may despise hiphop because he/she deems it to be an inferior form of music. “All they do is talk shit to a crappy beat,” a hater may say. On the other hand, an overweight hater with low self-esteem might dislike a skinny woman because she’s secretly jealous. “Fuck you skinny bitches,” said Mo’Nique. (j/k on that one) So rule number two is that haters lack humility or suffer from envy—or perhaps even both.

Third and most importantly, a hater is someone with so much hatred and dislike in their heart that they don’t mind going out of their way to demean someone else for no other reason than spite. Because they’ve deemed this individual to be worth being hated, they therefore feel the God-given right to attack this person’s character—even if they haven’t ever met him or her. So the final rule is that a hater is prone to unproven accusations and conclusions that bear no ties to actual reality. This basically means that a hater’s opinion means absolutely nothing.

Anyway. Look, if you want to be a hater, that’s your prerogative. Just remember that what starts as simple hate can so quickly turn into much more, like what happened with the following church:



Sad. ;-)

Wife Swap | Ol’-School vs New-School (**)

I liked both families. I love how the ol’-school family appreciates nature, the past and all the simple things that life has to offer. And I can totally relate with how the new-school family is obsessed with obtaining the latest cool gadgets.

However, I’m concerned that the ol’-school family is so preoccupied with the past that they’re missing out on all the fruits of mankind’s labor. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a video chat with a faraway relative?

By the same token, I worry that the new-school family’s fixation on technology is preventing them from smelling the daisies. Wouldn’t a quaint walk through the park or fast-paced basketball game at the courtyard be nice now and again?

I love what the ol’-school father said: “There’s nothing wrong with learning of the past. And there’s nothing wrong with learning of the future.” Now that’s a man I wouldn’t mind sharing some beers with. As for the other father, I hate to say it, but he’s just a piece of dog poop. I said it, I sure as hell did! And I reckon you ain’t supposed to treat a women the way he does! I do however appreciate his sincere attempt to look like Howie Mandel!

By the way, I would sure love a Sugar-Mama of my own (wink wink wink wink).

BET (SA *)

BET used to be hated by many parents because it supposedly promoted many negative black stereotypes. But after Debra L. Lee took over BET in 2005, things started to change. Nearly all of the negative content was replaced with more appropriate content. I commend BET for pursuing positive imagery, but I must admit that I’m disappointed.

I used to love BET because it was like the badboy of hiphop television. Only on BET could you find the likes of Rap City, College Hill and my all-time favorite, BET Uncut. Sighs. How the times surely have changed. I wish they’d create a separate network for hardcore hiphop enthusiasts, but they’d probably never consider it because it might make the black community look bad. Pity. I hear that even some ol' white conservatives miss the old BET....



Bless his heart! (J/K)

Condoms for Tots (**)

CNN reports that a Massachusetts elementary school right outside of Boston has adopted a policy that permits students “to get condoms if they are believed to be sexually active”—regardless of their age. Excuse my language, but WHAT THE FUCK? I understand supplying condoms to highschool students, but what dumbass thought it would be appropriate to hand them out to kids that haven’t even hit puberty yet?

Phew….let one of my future children come home with a condom and see what happens. I will wrap it around their heads n choke they ass! Make them think twice about ever doing something that stupid again!

The Youth of America (***)

Speaking of haters, I sometimes feel as if some members of the older generations have no respect for today’s youth. It’s as if they find fault in anything and everything we do or like.

They say Jaden Smith is a spoiled brat because he spoke to David Letterman with an air of arrogance—although I would argue he was merely being witty in his own way. They claim Lady Gaga’s music is uncreative and unoriginal, and that she’s merely a Madonna copycat—although I believe she’s just trying to reinvent Madonna’s brand in her with unique way. They even assert that hiphop is a worthless art form that exposes children to negative concepts and ideas—although I stress that hiphop is merely a form of expression, like a movie or book.

I find it very exasperating because they say they want us to stand out from the crowd, fight for justice and do something with ourselves, yet they are so quick to demonize us youngbucks for doing these very things. It’s as if they want us to follow the exact same path they took; either that or they want us on a leash and in a begging position. The problem with this though is that things change as time ticks. We’re not the same as they were when they were young.

For instance, the older generations hate modern music. They complain that the songs we listen to lack the power to last through the ages. Well, these songs aren’t meant to last that long! Young people like myself have minds that move at 90mph+, which means that we tend to get bored real quickly. I personally cannot stand listening to the same music day-in, day-out. This is why I might fall in love with a song today, yet find myself bored to death of it only three weeks later. It may not work for you, but it works for millions of young adults in my age group, including myself.

The irony is that I will likely one day harbor the same ‘hateration’ toward my kids’ interests, including their choice of music. I guess it’s just the cycle of life, aye? Just remember, though, ya’ll ain’t perfect either! Mmmm hmmmm….



Have you no SHAME!? J/K!

Funny Ending (**)

On facebook Tosh.O asked, “What do you hate?” I wrote up this quirky reply to his facebook question and figured I’d share it with ya’ll. It sounds really gay, but I’m not gay. Like Tosh, however, I don’ t mind sometimes acting gay or making totally gay jokes—so long as it earns me a big ol’ guffaw!

“I hate my tiny brown penis, but I don't hate it as much as I hate your tiny white penis, you pasty-faced bastard. When I said don't cum in my mouth, WTF did you think I meant, Capt’ Skeet!???”

Funny or not? It sure was funny to me when I wrote it!

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PS – I realize my inconsistency when it comes to apostrophes. Sometimes I use a contraction; other times I don’t. It’s a bad habit that I’m working to break.

PS #2 – I may be taking the next week off. To be honest, writing these blogs can be awfully stressful. But as I’ve said before, it pays off by allowing me to have a really good drunken experience. The tragic part is that as soon as I wake up entirely sober on Sunday morning, it quickly dawns on me that I’m just a loudmouth nobody who writes too much, lol.

PS #3 – Ya’ll make sure to mark your calendars for Glenn Beck's rally at the Lincoln Memorial on August 28, which is the same day and on the same spot that MLK gave his “I have a Dream” speech in 1963. Like Stephen Colbert said, "Finally, someone is bringing Martin Luther King's movement back to its conservative white roots." (wipes a tear from eyes)

PS #4 – To Glenn Beck fans... that was just a joke. But seriously, don’t you see the fallacy in what he’s doing? Regardless, remember that he HIMSELF has admitted to only being an entertainer who’s not even the slightest bit concerned with the political process. I don't mind him one single bit as an entertainer...I just wish ya'll didn't take him so seriously...

PS #5 – I don’t actually listen to Kenny Chesney; I just embellished in my last post to get my point across. In the words of Frank Barone, “And the Oscar goes to….” (and yah... I'm totally aware that Frank is a conservative who hates pot smokers, lol)