Talk To Her (India Arie)

Evening. This has been a roller-coaster week fraught with thrills and chills. But it's over now and the time has come to pop open some beers and chug away the ill omens. #LEGO!

The Game Of Love

Youngbucks nowadays got the game f**ked up. They assume every woman is a hoe. Now look, I'll be the first to admit that the world runneth over with hoes, whores, skeezers, sluts, tramps, trollops, harlots, wantons, filles de joie, strumpets, streetwalkers, hookers, sluts and Miley Cyrus, but hidden among the crows are genuine, beautiful women with morals, ethics and a big heart. And when you find such a woman, it's important you talk to her correctly.

Admittedly, I don't always follow what I preach. I'm a very temperamental and almost-bipolar cat daddy with more mood swings than a pregnant woman craving pickles and peanut butter. Yet, I consider myself a progressive, in that I always seek to progress forward in life by acquiring more knowledge and, more importantly, fixing my inequities. That said, I apologize to those females who I, in haste, falsely judged and then disparaged with piggish remarks.

Thus, I want to present the lyrics to "Talk To Her," a song I learned about from my ex-girlfriend, Erica Williams.

Peep REAL GAME, kids:

[When you talk to her talk to her
Like you'd want somebody a
Talk to your mama
Don't get smart with her
Have a heart to heart
With her just like you
Would with your daughter
Cause everything you do or say
You got to live with every day
She's somebody's baby
She's somebody's sister
She's somebody's mama

Now when you go to her
Speak truthfully
Honest as you can be, from your heart
You're in a situation
But you're losing patience
Take your time and look her in the eyes
When you just can't find the words you want
And it's hard to reach a point
Where you both can understand
Don't just tell the truth
But tell the whole truth
It'll make a better man out of you

When you talk to her talk to her
Like you want somebody a
Talk to your mama (Don't get smart)
Don't get smart
With her, Have a heart to heart
With her, just like you would
Would with you daughter
Cause everything you do or say
You got to live with everyday
She's somebody's baby
She's somebody's sister
She's somebody's mama

It doesn't matter if
She's wearing mini a skirt or business suit
Whether she's twenty-five or ninety-nine
Treat her the way your mama taught you too
She could be the queen of Sheba, she could be a school teacher
A homemaker or lawyer
I think it's good for your karma
If when you talk to her

When you talk to her talk to her
Like you want somebody a
Talk to your mama
Don't get smart with her
Have a heart to heart with her
Just like you would
Would with you daughter
Cause everything you do or say
You got to live with everyday
She's somebody's baby
She's somebody's sister
She's somebody's mama

Now let's keep it real
Nothing in the world will ever exist without the opposite
There has to be a sun and a moon
A man and a woman
And that's just the way it is
Humanity excited
And everybody's fighting
How do we restore the peace
Mama Earth is hurting
And everybody's searching for that feminine energy
You gotta talk to her

When you talk to her talk to her
Like you want somebody a
Talk to your mama (Watch your mouth, yeah yeah)
Don't get smart with her have a heart to heart with her
Just like you would
Would with you daughter
Cause everything you do or say
You got to live with everyday
She's somebody's baby
She's somebody's sister
She's somebody's mama

When you talk to her talk to her
Like you want somebody a
Talk to your mama
Just like you'd fight for your sister
If you knew that someone dissed her
How you gonna care for your daughter
Turn around and talk bad about her mama
Same way you listen to your auntie
Never interrupt while she speaks
Make your words sweet like candy
As if you were talking to your granny yeah
If you really love her then (say so)
And If you really need her then (say so)
You Love the way she thinks (say so)
You love the way she speaks (say so)
When you need some good conversation (say so)
Say so (say so)
If you want her in your life (say so)
You want her to be your wife (say so)
Tell her she's your best friend (say so) (alright)
You'll be there to the end (alright)(say so)
If you're thinking about leaving (say so)
If you wonder where she going (say so)
If you need to be with her (say so)
You just want to be with her (say so)
If you love her hair (say so)
If you want her there (say so)
Tell me if you really want her (say so)
You wanna slap her down (say so)
Say so...
Laughing...
If you like her loving
You wanna feel her hugging
To fade...]

Double Standards

Double standards litter the game of love like cigarette butts. Men must possess a perfect face and maintain 6-pack abs and hard pectorals, not to mention a rock-hard ass and a tough, emotionless exterior. Yet, women are permitted to let their bodies fall to total disrepair. Meanwhile, they lace the world with endless emotional rants and scowl at the few men who genuinely care about them. SMH.

Everyday I see the ugliest, out-of-shape women excel at love, as men stumble over themselves to lavish these ladies with love galore. At the same time, emotional men, as well as those whose bodies look like refrigerators, get flung aside day in and out, as these same women, whom themselves suffer from countless inequities, deem these men to be unworthy. Is this not a double standard?

///

PS

2Pac knew much about the Heartz of Men, but he clearly didn't know jack shit about the heartz of women, and yeah, tHa AlMiGhTy SaNdNiGa -- aka Ghandi's Discipline -- done said it:

"Finger tips on the hips as I dip, gotta get a tight grip, don't slip
Loose lips sink ships, it's a trip
I love the way she licks her lips, see me jocking
Put a little twist in her hips cause I'm watching
Conversations on the phone til the break of dawn
Now we all alone, why the lights on?
Turn 'em off, time to set it off, get you wet and soft
Something's on your mind, let it off
You don't know me, you just met me, you won't let me
Well if I couldn't have it (silly rabbit) why you sweating me?
It's a lot of real G's doing time
Cause a groupy bit the truth and told a lie
You picked the wrong guy baby if you're too fly
You need to hit the door, search for a new guy
Cause I only got one night in town
Break out or be clown, baby doll are you down?
I get around"

SMH.

///

I'm up out this. 1.

Blackout (Breathe Carolina) (Can't Disappoint The Fans)

PSYCHHH GOT U!

So I'm just c/pin' what I wrote this week. Enjoy.

//

There ain't enough good women in the world. And many of those who remain frankly aren't up to my standards. Besides this week, I typically work hard as hell toward my future. I may be a smoker, but I intend to live 100 years minimum as an educated, fairly healthy, well-traveled and highly respected star. Society may view me as being at the bottom of the barrel, but to me, I am the world, because it's me I have to deal with first and foremost.

But these women... SMH. Either they #chilling, they #taken or I don't meet their standards. So be it. But I'm not stopping, and I'm not changing, lest I feel the need. And at the moment, I don't feel the need to change a damn thing about myself.

\\

I get clowned on a lot for being ugly, having no swagg and being a beta male. That's fine; I'm used to it. But by the same token, I have no problem calling people out for being pathetically stupid or disgustingly fat. And if that makes me a jerk, then suck my big, juicy curry-spiced dick, because I’d rather be a jerk than a punk who just sits there and takes it. Point blank.

//

Straight up, some people won't show you love, no matter what you do, so fuck them. Save the love for those who are real. I'm not mean or heartless, but neither am I a punk who'll sit around and listen to noise. I got the headphones of my life on, and I'm not taking it off for anyone. Either vibe with me, or leave me be.

\\

14-year-old online who smokes weed and cigarettes. I didn't start til I was 16. Prior to that, I was getting straight As. It's the reason I'm smart as hell now. I was fortunate enough to get through the majority of puberty and adolescence without fucking up my brain. Congratulations, rappers. SMH! Another child whose only potential includes that of a stripper or prostitute.

You know, the problem is only going to multiply. Millions of these kids are giving birth to kids and raising them up improperly. In turn, their kids will get pregnant even younger and raise their kids even worse. The good news for those who do what they're supposed to is that the majority of these people, though not all (there are always exceptions), will eventually end up poor, unemployed and on government assistance. Though they'll eat up the government (until the government wises up), they'll pose absolutely no competitive threat in the marketplace, which is great for capitalists. Kind of ironic, if you think about it.

//

Last night, some fool said what the police do is a sin. No, what the police do is protect and serve. While I dislike those officers who take advantage of their duties, and while I abhor cops getting acquitted for the "accidental" killing of innocents, a nation devoid of quality law enforcement would look a lot like Haiti -- a country known for kidnappings, molestations, rapes and murder galore.

\\

Have a headache the size of fucking New Jersey. The youth of the world disgusts me, but so do the adults. Everybody's the fucking same. Really do hope something happens in 2012 to jar everybody awake, because everybody fucking sucks.

And oh, I laugh @ conservatives (I've been listening to conservative radio while jogging, because r&b SUCKS). You people want capitalism... you're going to get it in about 20 years when the dumbest generation ever in American history (though the problem is in fact worldwide) starts to take over. The #SouljaBoy gen that cares only about money, bitches, shoes and bling -- the generation that considers itself successful parents if the kids wear the best clothes. Education? What's that got to do with anything? Let's all sing, dance, strip and fuck each other's brains out and then brag about our wealth while others suffer. And let's have even more fun with it by acting that we're so smart and know all about #realtalk because we grew up on the streets <--- that's where REAL KNOWLEDGE exists; didn't you know?

Conservatives have no idea the type of system they are allowing to perpetuate itself. It's actually quite ironic, if you ask me. The sad thing is I may not be alive long enough, as a smoker, to see them reap the fruit they're sowing. And LOL @ Santorum thinking stopping the sale of contraceptives would solve these problems. Really? Are you that daft, boy? Has blindness so pervaded your vision that you can't see the underlying problem -- a society wherein freedom has outrun morality, thus creating a discontinuity unlike anything even the Greatest Generation had ever seen? Research the facts; I've been paying close attention to the news for like 3 years now, and I guarantee you the situation is getting far worse, and not better. And nothing any politician has the power to actually do can stop it. This shit is getting real, and I think it's bloody hilarious.

Being stupid is fly! Obesity is cool! Sexual perversion is awesome! Hatred is raw! Greed is tha bomb diggidy! My penis is the nuclear bomb diggidy! WHAT WHAT!? HOODI HOO!

//

You have to be careful about the type of woman you choose. If the woman you're with is willing to engage in sexual relations with someone else because of fame or money (or if a woman you encounter tries to deal with you as per fame or money), she's not a #GoodWoman... she's a #Hoe. And that's perfectly fine, but just as a horse is a horse is a horse and an ugly guy is an ugly guy is an ugly guy, a hoe is a hoe is a got damn motherfu*king hoe, point blank.

\\

I want to explain the difference between a pervert and myself. Perverts only think about sex. Cats like me also think about emotion. But that doesn't mean I'm some bonerless punk. I lost my virginity to my ex Erica on our first date! I had no clue what I was doing, but I imagine my willingness to learn and put in serious work on the 'Vaginal Block' played a heavy role is us staying together for so long. Shit.... one thing I am not is lazy.

It eventually went bad when she started stripping, but I don't think it was necessarily the stripping itself that caused the breakup. The previous summer (2001), I had quit smoking and drinking. When I got with her, I took up smoking and drinking again, and 6 months later, via her friend, I started popping pills ("Popping Skittles" Google). The latter played a big role in our breakup, because that shit made me crazy. Plus, she wasn't as attentive as I like. A brotha need attention -- time spent not just doing it, but also actually bonding, i.e., watching films/shows, cuddling, talking, etc.

I pursue women online because I really am not feeling the chicks in Raleigh. They too country for me. Stuff like eHarmony works because two people find each other, develop an emotional bond and then make the effort to turn it physical. And I think it's worth it, because "making love" trumps just f**king. Mind you, "making love" doesn't mean it got to be soft and boring. All it means is that it's f**king + love, which I think (from experience) is the shit.

Anyway. Yeah. Real love can develop online, but it does take two mutually interested parties and a willingness to invest in an emotional connection first. Hard to find chicks like that nowadays, though.

//

1

Make It Last Forever (Keith Sweat) -- ENCORE

Good Evening. Today, I’m bringing to you my first-ever encore. I originally wrote it on August 21, 2010. Wow @ all the time that has passed, and a Super Duper Wow @ how much I have changed. Over the years, I’ve become an old, embittered and cynical middle-aged man—even as my heart has grown emptier and emptier (excuse the melodrama).

But on the real, I cannot adequately express how much I miss having love in my life: holding the one I love tight in my arms as I fall asleep, waking up to find her drooling in her sleep, wiping away the crust on her eyes as she awakens and being slapped away for trying to kiss her without brushing my teeth. HAH. It’s been 10 long years.

The youngbucks chastise me for believing in love. To them, it’s all about “bagging” a chick. How I pity them for not appreciating the beauty of love—for not knowing what it means to care about somebody more than you do yourself—for not knowing the joy that comes from giving your entire body, mind and soul to another for safekeeping.

Earlier today, a guy in a chatroom told me that his dream is to become rich. My dream, however corny as it may sound, is to get married. Believe it or not, but I’ve been dreaming of it since I entered puberty. Fame and fortune sound highly appealing, but I can live without them. I cannot, however, keep living without an “anchor” (Toolman!) to hold me steady and be my partner through good times and bad.

Unfortunately, the days of courting a woman proper linger far in the past. Nowadays, it’s all about “hooking up” and “f*cking.” Well, those things don’t matter as much to me as getting to really know a woman, and for that I’m called “lame” and gay.” Charming. Though I’m liberal, I envy the older generations… as they were fortunate enough to come up in a time when people genuinely appreciated the meaning of real love.

I truly envy my parents. My Mom is 50 something and my Dad is 60 something, but they found one another amidst so much strife in mid to late 20th-century India, and they set out to build a life together. My Dad is lucky. My Mom still gets hit on, lol. And my Dad… Lord he’s a miniature version of my ugly ass (I inherited my mother’s father’s height and hair genes). Sigh. Is it so much for a man to ask to find happiness?

So many people say, “Well, think about the people in Africa who are hungry and just trying to feed their kids.” Yes, their kids. I’d rather live in the poorest slum in the world with a wife and kids, eating mud for dinner and working 100 hours a week to just make ends meet, than be this God damn alone. God damn you, God. “When Love cast me out, it was Cruelty who took pity upon me.” (Jacqueline Carey, "Kushiel's Dart")

SMH… Sighs

Romantical Love | Precursor

CNN did a piece this week in which it claimed that 43% of all Americans over the age of 18 are single. That’s a staggering number of lonely sods hurling through life without a ‘romantical backbone’ to give them support. I don’t know why so many people are single, or why so many marriages end in divorce, but I have some theories and suggestions. So for one day, and one day only, I’m going to pretend I’m a therapist!

Romantical Love | Commitment

Early in June 2010, I visited the animal shelter and laid eyes upon a beautiful dog whom I then adopted. Since then it’s been a roller coaster like no other.

My dog and I are quite different. I’m an anti-social introvert who prefers the company of me, myself, and me nuts. She on the other hand is a social whore who loves to meet new people and dogs. Added to that, she’s really hairy and sheds all the time. This is a problem because she loves to cuddle. But whenever we cuddle, I end up covered from pant to shirt in hairs galore.

The funny thing is that it really isn’t cuddling, as she expects me to pet her. If I stop petting her, she’ll keep licking and biting my hand. If I don’t respond, she’ll eventually lay her head on my stomach, stare up at me, and let out a pleading sigh for love and attention. “Love me, Daddy,” she says with her dour eyes. I stare back and wonder why she can’t just be content with lying next to me.

It’d be so much easier for me if I just gave her away, and then waited patiently to find a dog that better fits my personality. But I choose not to because I love her—and believe me when I say I absolutely abhor using the pesky L word. Regardless, I have chosen to make a commitment, and I wholeheartedly intend to honor it until the day either she or I pass. She’s an annoying little bitch, but that’s my hoe rite thar! Speaking of which, “Get back to work and make me some money, biatch!”



The point of my story is that love requires commitment. And when I say commitment, I don’t mean sticking it out until things get too hard to handle. I mean a lifetime pledge whereby two people agree to love and care for one another until death do or does them part.

Part of the problem today is that too many people are rushing into marriage without first really thinking about their decision. They’re being led entirely by lust and passion (see the Love and Passion section) instead of real love. It’s unfortunate because many of these relationships will falter within the first two years, leading to a bitter divorce and a lifetime of hostility. If people spent more time together prior to marriage—perhaps two or more years?—I imagine the divorce rate might go down a tad, though I could be wrong.

Another problem is an unwillingness to persevere through difficult times. A guy loses his job, the woman grows frustrated, and then she leaves. A woman gets depressed, the guy gets bored with sex, and then he cheats. Like I said earlier, it’s a lot easier to give up and look elsewhere. But it takes a whole lot more strength to endure and work hard to maintain one’s relationship. This may entail seeking counseling, taking time apart, or just rekindling the romance. Either way, most people don’t seem up to the challenge.

You know, the same day I got my dog, I put up an ad on craigslist in an attempt to pawn her off to somebody else. A young lady replied (rather harshly too, I might add) and convinced me to give my dog a shot. I’m so glad that she intervened, because now I can’t imagine my life without my little baby poo-poo butt!

Anyway. I understand when a couple that’s been together 20 years decides to break apart. They’ve at least given it a running chance. But what irritates me is all these young-bucks who get married, get divorced 2 years later, get married again, get divorced 1 year later, get married AGAIN, and then get divorced 6 months later. I mean… COME ON NOW!

By the way, I used my dog merely as an example. Don’t you for one single minute start to think there’s any freaky business going on over here!

Romantical Love | Lust and Passion

Though lust and passion help define the foundation of a relationship, they don’t hold it together. My parents have been married for decades, but they too, like Frank and Marie Barone, sometimes argue like carpet dealers in Istanbul looking for the best deals. But that’s marriage. It’s not going to be a perfect ride. If anything, it’s a roller coaster fraught with highs, lows and a shit-load of down time.

However, these young whippersnappers today don’t realize this. They expect the initial romance to stay lit forever. Well I’m sorry to bust ya’lls bubbles, but that’s just not possible. Can you imagine being with the same person for 20+ years? Do you really expect the fire to be just as strong as it was 20 years ago? I don’t think so. That’s why it’s important that older couples set a date now and again to go away (perhaps to a hotel) and rekindle the romance. It’s not going to be as hot and sweaty as it was during the first year, but at least it’ll keep the romance alive.

Anyway. Rushing into a relationship based strictly on lust and passion isn’t going to work. It might, but more than likely it’ll eventually fall apart. Real love requires more than just passionate nights out on the beach. It means learning to love your partner inside and out—including his or her faults. Then of course there’s the naïve hopeless romantic who rushes into a bad relationship because she supposedly loves the guy (lust and passion), yet believes in her heart that she can change him.

Granted we all change and mature as time passes, but some things always stay the same. So if you enter a relationship with preconceived notions of molding your beau into the ‘perfect spouse,’ then you are in for a rude awakening!

By the way, before you start engaging in any passionate behavior, please make sure you’re thoroughly educated about sex!



Romantical Love | Intimacy

The last and most important part of a successful relationship is intimacy. And my belief is that intimacy is best achieved through a strong friendship. The interesting thing is that a friendship can in fact be the perfect precursor to a strong relationship. Most people, especially women, chose to avoid dating friends because “it might ruin the friendship.” Sighs.

Introducing Roz Doyle. She’s Frasier Crane’s best friend. They have a bond and connection that could easily sustain a romantic relationship for the ages. But instead of coming together, they spend each and every year searching elsewhere—only to be repeatedly rebuked. The answer lies right in front of them, but they refuse to embrace it.

Regardless, a relationship with intimacy stands a much better chance of surviving than one without it. But how do we define intimacy? Ray and Deborah Barone love each other to death, yet they can’t handle spending one single moment together alone—unless they’re doing the Wild Thang.

I guess that I have no answers for this part of love. I hope to find the answer one day, but I have a horrible feeling that I’m destined to spend the rest of my life alone. If that’s the case, then I truly wish God would just X me off Earth so I can fall back into his loving embrace, because ain’t nothing worth going through life alone.

That’s All Folks

Peace Out