But on the real, I cannot adequately express how much I miss having love in my life: holding the one I love tight in my arms as I fall asleep, waking up to find her drooling in her sleep, wiping away the crust on her eyes as she awakens and being slapped away for trying to kiss her without brushing my teeth. HAH. It’s been 10 long years.
The youngbucks chastise me for believing in love. To them, it’s all about “bagging” a chick. How I pity them for not appreciating the beauty of love—for not knowing what it means to care about somebody more than you do yourself—for not knowing the joy that comes from giving your entire body, mind and soul to another for safekeeping.
Earlier today, a guy in a chatroom told me that his dream is to become rich. My dream, however corny as it may sound, is to get married. Believe it or not, but I’ve been dreaming of it since I entered puberty. Fame and fortune sound highly appealing, but I can live without them. I cannot, however, keep living without an “anchor” (Toolman!) to hold me steady and be my partner through good times and bad.
Unfortunately, the days of courting a woman proper linger far in the past. Nowadays, it’s all about “hooking up” and “f*cking.” Well, those things don’t matter as much to me as getting to really know a woman, and for that I’m called “lame” and gay.” Charming. Though I’m liberal, I envy the older generations… as they were fortunate enough to come up in a time when people genuinely appreciated the meaning of real love.
I truly envy my parents. My Mom is 50 something and my Dad is 60 something, but they found one another amidst so much strife in mid to late 20th-century India, and they set out to build a life together. My Dad is lucky. My Mom still gets hit on, lol. And my Dad… Lord he’s a miniature version of my ugly ass (I inherited my mother’s father’s height and hair genes). Sigh. Is it so much for a man to ask to find happiness?
So many people say, “Well, think about the people in Africa who are hungry and just trying to feed their kids.” Yes, their kids. I’d rather live in the poorest slum in the world with a wife and kids, eating mud for dinner and working 100 hours a week to just make ends meet, than be this God damn alone. God damn you, God. “When Love cast me out, it was Cruelty who took pity upon me.” (Jacqueline Carey, "Kushiel's Dart")
SMH… Sighs
Romantical Love | Precursor
CNN did a piece this week in which it claimed that 43% of all Americans over the age of 18 are single. That’s a staggering number of lonely sods hurling through life without a ‘romantical backbone’ to give them support. I don’t know why so many people are single, or why so many marriages end in divorce, but I have some theories and suggestions. So for one day, and one day only, I’m going to pretend I’m a therapist!
Romantical Love | Commitment
Early in June 2010, I visited the animal shelter and laid eyes upon a beautiful dog whom I then adopted. Since then it’s been a roller coaster like no other.
My dog and I are quite different. I’m an anti-social introvert who prefers the company of me, myself, and me nuts. She on the other hand is a social whore who loves to meet new people and dogs. Added to that, she’s really hairy and sheds all the time. This is a problem because she loves to cuddle. But whenever we cuddle, I end up covered from pant to shirt in hairs galore.
The funny thing is that it really isn’t cuddling, as she expects me to pet her. If I stop petting her, she’ll keep licking and biting my hand. If I don’t respond, she’ll eventually lay her head on my stomach, stare up at me, and let out a pleading sigh for love and attention. “Love me, Daddy,” she says with her dour eyes. I stare back and wonder why she can’t just be content with lying next to me.
It’d be so much easier for me if I just gave her away, and then waited patiently to find a dog that better fits my personality. But I choose not to because I love her—and believe me when I say I absolutely abhor using the pesky L word. Regardless, I have chosen to make a commitment, and I wholeheartedly intend to honor it until the day either she or I pass. She’s an annoying little bitch, but that’s my hoe rite thar! Speaking of which, “Get back to work and make me some money, biatch!”
The point of my story is that love requires commitment. And when I say commitment, I don’t mean sticking it out until things get too hard to handle. I mean a lifetime pledge whereby two people agree to love and care for one another until death do or does them part.
Part of the problem today is that too many people are rushing into marriage without first really thinking about their decision. They’re being led entirely by lust and passion (see the Love and Passion section) instead of real love. It’s unfortunate because many of these relationships will falter within the first two years, leading to a bitter divorce and a lifetime of hostility. If people spent more time together prior to marriage—perhaps two or more years?—I imagine the divorce rate might go down a tad, though I could be wrong.
Another problem is an unwillingness to persevere through difficult times. A guy loses his job, the woman grows frustrated, and then she leaves. A woman gets depressed, the guy gets bored with sex, and then he cheats. Like I said earlier, it’s a lot easier to give up and look elsewhere. But it takes a whole lot more strength to endure and work hard to maintain one’s relationship. This may entail seeking counseling, taking time apart, or just rekindling the romance. Either way, most people don’t seem up to the challenge.
You know, the same day I got my dog, I put up an ad on craigslist in an attempt to pawn her off to somebody else. A young lady replied (rather harshly too, I might add) and convinced me to give my dog a shot. I’m so glad that she intervened, because now I can’t imagine my life without my little baby poo-poo butt!
Anyway. I understand when a couple that’s been together 20 years decides to break apart. They’ve at least given it a running chance. But what irritates me is all these young-bucks who get married, get divorced 2 years later, get married again, get divorced 1 year later, get married AGAIN, and then get divorced 6 months later. I mean… COME ON NOW!
By the way, I used my dog merely as an example. Don’t you for one single minute start to think there’s any freaky business going on over here!
Romantical Love | Lust and Passion
Though lust and passion help define the foundation of a relationship, they don’t hold it together. My parents have been married for decades, but they too, like Frank and Marie Barone, sometimes argue like carpet dealers in Istanbul looking for the best deals. But that’s marriage. It’s not going to be a perfect ride. If anything, it’s a roller coaster fraught with highs, lows and a shit-load of down time.
However, these young whippersnappers today don’t realize this. They expect the initial romance to stay lit forever. Well I’m sorry to bust ya’lls bubbles, but that’s just not possible. Can you imagine being with the same person for 20+ years? Do you really expect the fire to be just as strong as it was 20 years ago? I don’t think so. That’s why it’s important that older couples set a date now and again to go away (perhaps to a hotel) and rekindle the romance. It’s not going to be as hot and sweaty as it was during the first year, but at least it’ll keep the romance alive.
Anyway. Rushing into a relationship based strictly on lust and passion isn’t going to work. It might, but more than likely it’ll eventually fall apart. Real love requires more than just passionate nights out on the beach. It means learning to love your partner inside and out—including his or her faults. Then of course there’s the naïve hopeless romantic who rushes into a bad relationship because she supposedly loves the guy (lust and passion), yet believes in her heart that she can change him.
Granted we all change and mature as time passes, but some things always stay the same. So if you enter a relationship with preconceived notions of molding your beau into the ‘perfect spouse,’ then you are in for a rude awakening!
By the way, before you start engaging in any passionate behavior, please make sure you’re thoroughly educated about sex!
Romantical Love | Intimacy
The last and most important part of a successful relationship is intimacy. And my belief is that intimacy is best achieved through a strong friendship. The interesting thing is that a friendship can in fact be the perfect precursor to a strong relationship. Most people, especially women, chose to avoid dating friends because “it might ruin the friendship.” Sighs.
Introducing Roz Doyle. She’s Frasier Crane’s best friend. They have a bond and connection that could easily sustain a romantic relationship for the ages. But instead of coming together, they spend each and every year searching elsewhere—only to be repeatedly rebuked. The answer lies right in front of them, but they refuse to embrace it.
Regardless, a relationship with intimacy stands a much better chance of surviving than one without it. But how do we define intimacy? Ray and Deborah Barone love each other to death, yet they can’t handle spending one single moment together alone—unless they’re doing the Wild Thang.
I guess that I have no answers for this part of love. I hope to find the answer one day, but I have a horrible feeling that I’m destined to spend the rest of my life alone. If that’s the case, then I truly wish God would just X me off Earth so I can fall back into his loving embrace, because ain’t nothing worth going through life alone.
That’s All Folks
Peace Out
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