Anyway. Thank God it’s Friday. Hope you all had a great week and are ready for an even greater weekend!
The Plight of the Geek
G4 host Olivia Munn was recently hired as a correspondent for the Daily Show. Ever since her arrival on set, however, there’s been a storm of controversy brewing. In particular, many people claim that the self-professed geek is in fact a charlatan. That however is merely one of the 100s or so claims that have been filed against her. Today, I will attempt to refute the most common ones.
“Olivia Munn is just a poser! She’s not a real geek,” wrote one hater.
First of all, nobody pretends to be a geek! That’s like a guy pretending to have a small penis. “Hey Ladies…. I have a small dick! That’s just fricken retarded, man! Excuse my language, but the sad truth is that niggaz is born like this, son! We don’t just choose to wake up one morning, put on a trekkie outfit and cook some gagh. It’s in our genes, mayne! Suffice it to say, Olivia was born a geek and will always be one—just like me.
“She’s so awkward! She’s an embarrassment to all geeks,” wrote another hater.
I admit that Olivia’s comedic style is more awkward than a cafeteria lady in a Microsoft commercial trying to explain how Windows 7 was her idea because she’s a PC. (FYI, you’re not a personal computer, but your food does taste like a piece of crap) However, all true geeks, dorks and nerds are awkward. In fact, that’s one of our most defining personality traits!
“She doesn’t know anything about gadgets,” complained a third hater.
Being a geek doesn’t mean one must be preoccupied with gadgets or the inner workings of a computer. In general, geeks and their brethren—like the Japanese Otaku, for instance—are preoccupied or obsessed with a variety of different subjects, including but not limited to computers, Star Trek, pornography or even Hello fricken Kitty (I hate that whore!). So long as the object of their affection has nothing whatsoever to do with MTV, the mall or Lindsey Lohan, they’re a geek!
“I just don’t like her,” murmured yet another hater.
Look, Jon Stewart aka the God of man, woman, dog, cat, dung, nipple and vaginal hair—every God screws up now and again—approves of her. Therefore, I approve of her as well, and so should you!
Finally, some Femi-Nazi wrote, “It's embarrassing and disturbing to have our gender represented by vapid twits whose only appeal is sexual. It sets back womankind in general."
Look you vapid & unshaven twat, it's better that a genuine, sincere and true-to-heart woman represent your kind, versus a stuck-up hag like you who obviously (excuse my ghetto-ness) needs to GET HER SUM DICK. Uh Huh, I said it, sister—FINGA SNAP, HEAD BOB, and GANG SIGN. You know what, Hello fricken Kitty has just been replaced by YOU on my Most Hated List! Congratulations.... whore!
The bottom line is that Olivia is a beautiful, intelligent and awkward geek with a big heart and a great sense of humor. If you don’t like it, then kiss the ass of the 1,000,000 or so proud geeks who got her back! And oh yeah, don’t let the dork *cough I mean door* hit you on the way out, haha (inside joke).
They’re missing the I Think I'm Black Geek…. HURUMPH!
Inyans
Dr. Rahul K. Parikh got all offended and wrote a rather lengthy rant & rave this week in regard to a Joel Stein article. I used to read Time—now I prefer the Economist—so I’m well aware of Joel and his writing style. With that in mind, I took no offense whatsoever to his article. Therefore, it’s time for an official rebuttal.
Personally I find Joel Stein to be ridiculously intelligent, witty and funny. Moreover, he meant no harm with his piece. Added to that, he picks on EVERYBODY! If you want to be a true American, you must be willing to take the heat. That's what is so beautiful about this country—we'll all targets, man! There are no dictator-type rules forbidding writers and comedians from making you, Allah, Jesus or even myself their next victim.
You know, I tend to distance myself from most other Indian Americans because they come off as way too uptight. The irony is that I was teased endlessly during my last visit to India because I dress and choose to live my life differently than the conventional Indian. Did I whine about it, though? Not at all. I laughed it off because it's all love, man. I don't even let the Indian cashier at the local Walmart bug me when he mean-mugs me for not staying true to what he deems are 'correct' Indian values ;-).
The bottom line is that America is a free nation where everyone is an equal target ;-). Speaking of which, your farts stink @ Mr. Parikh! So stop eating so much curry chicken, you dot-head!
Seriously though, I totally understand Mr. Parikh’s response, but I sincerely hope that he realizes that Joel truly meant no harm. It was all in fun and humor. We need not get all riled up over things that weren’t even meant to offend. There’s a big difference between a white guy on “Russell Simmons Presents Stand-Up at the El Rey “ talking about black people’s love for chicken, versus Rush Limbaugh labeling George Steinbrenner a 'cracker' because he's hired a lot of African Americans. Get it?
Fanatics
Something small but serious just cuz…
Fanatics can be found among the members of any ideological group or movement, including Tea Party members, Christians, atheists and even environmentalists. We got Christian nutballs throwing a hissy fit over mosques in America, while we got PETA pocket pussies whining every time we down a yummy KFC sammich (crunch crunch gulp swallow). By the way, I HATE to make fun of PETA because I do respect them, but that ‘peta pocket pussy’ joke was GOLD, baby, GOLD, and I just had to share it!
The reason I bring this up is because I truly feel that each group—even the dreaded Tea Party—has its share of BOTH intellectuals and nitwits. There was a post this week on CNN about fascinating new deepwater ocean life, for instance, and a debate between a Tea Party member and non-Party members ensued. And well, I found the well-crafted and well-researched arguments presented by the Tea Party member to be quite insightful. It proved to me that not everyone affiliated with the Tea Party movement is a total nutcase—though I will NEVER stop making jokes about them, lol.
Anyway. On the flip side, even supposedly “intellectually superior” atheists have their fair share of retards among them. It seems like every religious article that pops up on the net immediately draws out a huge crowd of fanatical atheists bent on proving the purported stupidity and uselessness of religion. Do you really think accusing people of being “ignoramuses that worship a fairy-tale character” is a positive and intellectual way of presenting your arguments? I mean come on now.
Sighs. Can’t we just agree to disagree for a change? No matter how much Christians and atheists bicker among themselves, they will NEVER manage to convert each other. Doing that would require that person A cares about what person B thinks, and person B cares about what person A thinks. And well, as person C, I don’t give a shit about what either one of them think!
Anyway. I thought I’d throw in something serious to fill in space and make this post look longer.
Avoiding Children
So I have a dog, right? And well, when I’m walking her, kids sometimes ask me if they can pet her. I don’t want to be rude to them, so I let her. The good thing is that she’s a docile little whore that’ll lick anyone’s hands. Hell, she even licked the pizza delivery guy’s hands tonight. Fricken slut.
Anyway. I’m scared about dealing with children. I don’t want to be that creepy guy, but I also don’t want to be rude. While they pet her, I usually just stay quiet, unless they ask a question, in which case I answer it. Once they’re done, I go on with my business as usual. Truth is that I don’t really know how to speak to children. My mind is just so adult-oriented that I don’t want to risk saying something inappropriate.
I sincerely hope that becoming a father one day endows me with the ability to better understand and communicate with kids. Mind you, I don’t plan on having kids until I’m at least 35, assuming I find a woman who’s willing to be impregnated by my seamen. Mind you, they ain’t strong enough to collect oil, but they sure as hell got enough in them to punch a hole through an egg—or so I hope! (DRILL, BABY, DRILL!)
Anywho….
** Pretend there’s a picture here of a little sperm guy wearing a yellow helmet as he operates a drill. And from the sky is a voice box saying, “YOU CAN DO IT, SKIPPY!” **
Primetime Television
Tonight was especially hardcore: an awesome Wifeswap followed by a terrific What Would You Do followed by a uh… ‘groovy’ Dateline. Phew. Talk about fun times, man! (I’m being sarcastic, but I really did quite enjoy myself.)
Wife Swap was off the chain tonight! Speaking of which, mud racing looks hella hella fun! By the same token, I could DEFINITELY use some etiquette training.
As for PrimeTime, it was truly a pleasure to watch white people stand up against racism! I just want to give a random white person a big ol’ hug right now!
And Dateline blew me away with its social experiments. This was by far my most favorite hour!
Thank you ABC and NBC for keeping me literally smiling in glee for three hours tonight! I had a fricken blast! And I sincerely mean that!
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Well that’s it. Maybe I’ll have more to say once I’m drunk out of my fragernackle mind.
PS – Stupid ass dog loves to spread out her craps. Instead of crapping once, she’ll crap three times during one walk. It’s like OOH A PIECE OF CANDY, LEMME TAKE A SHIT! OOH ANOTHER PIECE OF CANDY, LEMME TAKE ANOTHER SHIT. OOH YET ANOTHER PIECE OF CANDY, LEMME TAKE YET ANOTHER SHIT. Just take one dump you ass. By the time she hit her third crapper this afternoon, I was out of bags & toilet paper, and well… I had to fricken improvise.
PS #2 – July 20th the God returns…….. RICK ROSS….. B.M.F.! DEF JAM!
PS #3 – A look at America’s Education System:
I don’t know about ya’ll, but I’m getting a little turned on. JUST KIDDING, you fricken PETA pocket pussies! Haha… peta pocket pussies…. Haha, I’m fricken funny, DUDE!
pEaCe n 1
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