February 18th | Benjamin Franklin (JuStyle Entertainment - T-Top The King, Mr. Him Hot, Yung Louie)

Raleigh STAND UP

This time I chose a rap song because I want to give a shout out to the return of Raleigh native T-Top the King, aka another one of Raleigh’s finest!

Evening. Today I’m going for a very casual approach. I wouldn’t even be writing anything if it weren’t for the fact that I have some stuff I need to get off my chest. Expect it to be more passionate and irrational than usual, not to mention grammatically incorrect beyond belief. I’ll be back next week, God Willing, with satire so deep it burns right through some sucker’s soul (yeah right, lol).

I was thinking about doing a piece about Obama, Boehner, and Cantor being forced to retake highschool math. And then I had the idea of doing a piece about the 2011 Budget Bowl. And then I had the idea of doing a piece about my dog winning the ‘biggest belly-rub slut’ Guinness World Record.

But I just don’t have a clear-enough head to write something deep and satirical and all that shit right now. I’m burned out, man.

Anyway.

Everybody Sucks

I’m unhappy with both the republicans and democrats right now, including President Obama. Everybody is acting like a stupid ass, and it’s time somebody laid the smack down!

Republicans

Republicans keep reiterating that we’re in a financial crisis and that we need to make cuts to Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid. I agree with this to an extent. However, their actions don’t match their words.

Instead we have loony-tune republican lawmakers all across the country who’re trying to destroy Unions by doing away with collective bargaining; who’re trying to push through legislation that could potentially allow extremists to kill abortion doctors and then claim they did so to protect an unborn child; who’re trying to defund Planned Parenthood and Obamacare; and who’re trying to allow guns in church in case, you know, a pastor needs to bust a cap in a heathen.

And don’t even get me started on their desire to cut/destroy NPR, PBS, Big Bird, and of course the EPA. Plus they think it’s important that we keep providing subsidies to oil companies, which by the way make ridiculously high profits.

Meanwhile, we have the whole republican community going bonkers over potential presidential candidate Chris Christie, whom I myself admittedly somewhat like. I worry though that I like him only because of his bubbly personality. He’s charming and very funny. And for some odd reason, he reminds me of Doug Heffernan from the King of Queens. Plus he has a wobbly double-chin like Jay Leno. What’s not to like?

Here’s the problem with Christie. If I’m not mistaken, he’s against unions. In addition, he recently signed a $4 billion dollar tax increase that will manifest "in the form of higher electric rates." However, if I’m not mistaken again (I may be), he’s against an increase in corporate taxes.

In fact, no republican wants to raise corporate taxes because companies will leave their state. I have a huge problem with this mentality. Maybe I’m viewing it the wrong way, but this is how I see it:

Dude is making a 4-million dollar profit per month, $750,000 of which goes into his pockets. An increase in tax comes about and now he’s making only a 3.5-million dollar profit per month and therefore only bringing home $656,000.

Oh, the humanity! How am I going to take care of my family?

Again, maybe I’m viewing the situation wrong. But it just seems like these business owners are greedy beyond belief. And it really irritates me.

Let me tell you something. The American dream is to be successful enough to work hard at something you love, take care of your family, and have a little leftover time to self actualize. It's not to make so much money you can live a luxurious life. Getting the latter is nice if you're lucky enough to do it, but it cannot be got on the backs of everybody else!

You know, I work hard as hell at my writing and satire (except this week and maybe next week as well), despite the fact that I get no pay for it. Hell, I actually LOSE MONEY by wasting Thursdays on it instead of focusing on my ACTUAL WORK. The truth is that I would love to get paid for all my efforts, but you don't see me complaining because ultimately, I'm doing it because I love it!

Morale of the Story: Meaning > Money!

I guess I just feel like these business owners are spoiled children who’re getting their way by threatening to leave states. Again, maybe I’m missing something here. But in case I’m not missing anything, then these whack governors need to stop sucking corporate knob and start treating these whiny-ass business owners the way they treat everybody else!

Anyway.

One thing that really impressed me was when the Tea Party teamed up with some republicans and some democrats to get rid of that pesky backup engine for the F-35 Fighter. I don’t know whether Boehner and Cantor supported it because they want to help their community or because they want to get re-elected, and I don’t care. The program was useless and needed to be terminated!

Other than that, I haven’t trusted republicans in the past, I don’t trust republicans at the moment, and at this rate I’ll never trust republicans.

On the bright side, I now mistrust the Tea Party slightly less than I mistrust republicans. It’d be nice, though, if they’d stand up for the teachers, garbage collectors, and other humble government servants who are protesting in Wisconsin. Instead we have this to deal with:

“This is an important stance for the Tea Party,” Breitbart said. “The Tea Party is perpetuating safe, clean, wholesome rhetoric and activity versus the violent, racial, hateful and revolutionary rhetoric coming from the organized left.”

Is he 4 real? That’s like Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad claiming Saane Zhaleh was one of his men. Mr. Breitbart, if you want to protest the protesters, then be my guest, but stop with the bullshit. Just because some of the protesters are secretly playing Whack-a-Republican-Mole on their iPhone doesn’t mean they’re acting in any way even remotely violent.

Democrats

This week President Obama released a budget that cuts Pell Grants and energy assistance to the poor but barely tackles the debt. I know why he did it. He wants to show Americans, especially republicans, that he’s willing to make sacrifices.

The problem is that he’s in complete denial about the financial state of the union. Instead of cutting tiny programs that barely cost money but make a great impact, he needs to take a metaphorical electric chainsaw to entitlements, in my opinion. Slice through that sucker like you’d slice through a jive turkey, my brotha! *fist pump*

Democrats are also interested in raising corporate taxes, but they seem too afraid to stand up to big business. Again, I realize that Obama is trying to appease republican interests, but I wish he and other politicians would focus more on gettin’ er’ dun’ versus ensuring they win the next election. I’d rather have a 4-year president who tears the roof off the sucker versus an eight-year president who doesn’t do jack shit—not to dare insinuate in any way, shape, or form that President Obama hasn’t accomplished a great deal.

I just think that democrats need to accept our financial situation, agree to cut entitlements, end the war (I support it ideologically, but it’s fiscally irresponsible) and then force the republicans to give up all the taxes, subsidies, and whatever other loopholes their big business buddies use to line their greasy pockets. As someone sitting at the bottom, I’m more than willing to give up my benefits so long as the GOP & big business are willing to give up theirs.

If republicans and big business refuse to make any sacrifices, then I expect democrats to snub their asses. The last thing I want is for the dems to just bend over and take it in the rumper. (I really don’t mean to sound like Sarah Palin tonight!)

Look, this country is full of very frustrated people—people who toil away endlessly at meaningless jobs to earn petty wages that barely get them by. They’re not in the mood to play, as should be clearly evident by what’s happening in Wisconsin. They and I and we are all tired of the endless bullshit. Politicians say one thing but do something else altogether almost every single time. Quit the bullshit, get your heads on right, shut the fuck up, and do your jobs. Please.

Sorry. I’m usually a sane and rational guy, but sometimes I get really frustrated with what’s happening, that’s all. I’m just frankly fed up with the political bullshit. Democracy is great and all, but it’s so annoying. It’s literally a never-ending battle. Not a got damn thing ever changes. And just when it gets ready to change, some asshole comes up out of nowhere to try and defund the change.

By the way, I'm being very generous by supporting cutting entitlements, what with the fact that I'm a liberal. Just remember that . . .

The Huffington Blog Post

I’m very disillusioned folks. I discovered this week that all the content on The Huffington Post is written by dumbasses just like me! The horror! I thought that they featured articles written by, you know, REAL JOURNALISTS!

I’m a bit annoyed because I hate to see bloggers putting in work for nothing while others get rich. Mind you, I kind of do the same thing. There is one fundamental difference, though. Whereas the work of Huffington Post bloggers puts money in the pockets of Arianna Huffington, a woman, the work I post on Craigslist puts money in the pockets of Craig Newmark, a guy.

Yo, it’s bros over hos, dude!

Just kidding, lol.

At least I make something off my work. I post my best material on AssociatedContent, where it subsequently nets me 1 penny per every 10 views.

Hey…. I’d rather be worth a penny than be worth nothing!

But on a serious note, I’m very disappointed to know I’m reading blogs. I’m all for blogging, but when it comes to real news, I kind of prefer professionals. :-/

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That’s it for this week, folks! I’m just not in the mood for serious thinking tonight. However, here are some great links to keep you busy. And oh, keep an eye out for some HOT FYA’ next week, lol.

If you’re interested in some laughs, then check out The Onion.

If you’re interested in some Southern adventure, check out Lizard Lick Towing.

If you’re interested in hardcore southern white boy gangsta rap, then check out Eminem’s protégé, Yelawolf, courtesy of Carson Daly.

If you’re interested in some local music, check out JuStyle Entertainment (The Return of T-Top the King!).

And if you’re interested in some sex, then go fuck yourself!

PS – Again, sorry for the passion, but this is just one of those weeks. Don’t take it personally though because right now I’d gladly smack both republicans AND democrats!