You know what else I miss? WINTER! When it’s cold outside, you can wrap yourself in a coat. But when it’s hot outside, there’s naught you can do but let it burn, baby! And believe me when I say that I’m on fire! The only good thing about this is that I look quite sexy with a tan.
Anyway…
The Minority Report
I’m a minority, and I’ve always been a minority. It’s not because I’m not white or because I’m Asian; it’s because I’m an odd egg. I’m the Ugly Duckling’s cousin: Donald “WTF” Duck. I say “WTF” because many people who encounter me later ask, “What the f**k?” :-)
On a more serious note, being a minority is a bitch, but it’s a bitch with whom I’ve become quite intimate. I’ve been through a lot, you know—kindergarten (I repeated it!), high school, college and even DOC. Yet, regardless of my experiences, the fact that I’m a minority still haunts me.
When I first moved into a townhouse 2.5 years ago, I wasn’t too thrilled. I hated the home, I hated my neighbors and I hated the community. I was in a strange world, and I felt like my minority status was as conspicuous as a sore thumb. Through the years, however, I came to love it all:
multiracial groups of kids hanging out together;
obnoxious highschool boys meandering the sidewalks with their pants down low;
dealers dispensing bootlegged CDs at the gas station (it became more rare in the recent years, but still);
lacs n caprices rolling through the neighborhood with their speakers pumping bass like whoa;
and chocolate beauties swaying their butts left and right while walking to the store.
I’m very attracted to white women, but I find the almost-choreographed sway of a black woman’s ass to be quite fascinating. It’s an enigma!
I’m in a new community now, and I’m experiencing the same feelings all over again, but I feel like it’s even worse this time around. I just got called a dork earlier today because, unlike everybody else in the entire area, I like to match my hip-hop-styled clothes. EVERY SINGLE OTHER PERSON in a 25 mile radius prefers to wear brown shorts or pants, a dingy t-shirt and flip-flops (even the women!). I don’t care how they dress, but a few of them care about how I dress.
It’s frustrating. It’s really a different world out here—and I feel very alone. Going to the grocery store or just visiting the gas station feels so awkward. It’s certainly not a racial matter, because this community houses some black people as well. It’s more so that I’m a minority because I’m extremely different; I feel very out of place and out of whack. I miss my previous home. I miss the part of town (NE Raleigh) that was my home for over 5 years—since I came to Raleigh, in fact.
Sighs. I apologize for my whining, ranting and raving, but moving is difficult. The first few weeks passed fairly easily because I was just glad to feel stabilized. I had my weights, my computer, my cable and my weekend pizza. But now that those feelings have evaporated, I have to really confront the move—and I’m not happy with it at the moment. Mind you, it has nothing to do with my new home and roomie, both of which are awesome. Suffice it to say, it’s not you; it’s me! (LOL)
Anyway. I just needed to get that off my chest. I wonder if any of my former neighbors miss me in the slightest bit. *Scoffs* The one chick I liked probably dances around naked every day in glee. Just remember—I’LL BE BACK! I don’t know how long it’ll take and when it’ll happen, but I’m coming back to NE Raleigh one day! That’s where my heart’s at, lady, so sorry!
Dirty, Stinking Weiner (Just Pull The Skin Back And Wash It Already, You Nasty F**k)
Weiner, Weiner, Weiner—how he disappoints me! Not only did his disgusting actions cause me to accidentally stumble on a picture of his rancid co*k on Google, which in turn led to me puke all over my own co*k (I was naked at the time because I had just got done watching the Daily Show), but it also hurt his absolutely stunning wife:
Dude, I understand cheating on an ugly wife—that’s just friggen common sense—but how the hell are you going to cyber-cheat on a babe like THAT (points to the picture above)!?
On a more serious note, I take umbrage to all the conservative Internet trolls painting liberals as a bunch of hypocrites. Frankly, I don’t care about sex scandals and I never have. The only reason I tuned in for this scandal, for that matter, is because the dude involved has the last name Weiner. To skip out on this would have been a pure sin.
The only people practicing hypocrisy are republican politicians. Folks like Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus and House Majority leader Eric Cantor are trying to exploit this scandal for political gain. They’re making Weiner out to be a monster, though they saw no reason for Senator David Vitter to resign after he admitted to hiring a hooker and repeatedly lying about it.
Meanwhile, most democrats have turned their back on Weiner, including Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi and even super-duper liberal mouthpiece Ed Schultz. Personally, I think they should stand up for him, but I don’t mind that they’re not because at least they’re remaining consistent and principled—which is more than I can say about other politicians.
I personally don’t give a rat’s ass that Vitter likes hoes (I do too!) or that Weiner thinks it GQ to get it on doggy style while watching the Daily Show (I’ve never done it, but I plan too). What I do mind is being called a lying hypocrite by people who trek in so much bullshit that they’re incapable of even acknowledging their own party’s hypocritical ways. I also don’t appreciate them referring to Weiner as a “filthy liar” and a “dirtbag.”
This is the same Weiner who stood up for the 9/11 Zadroga Act, aka the First Responders Bill. Let’s take a look at the great souls who voted AGAINST it:
Senate—
Lamar Alexander, REPUBLICAN, Tennessee.
John Barrasso, REPUBLICAN, Wyoming.
Robert Foster Bennett, REPUBLICAN, Utah.
Kit Bond, REPUBLICAN, Missouri.
Scott Brown, REPUBLICAN, Massachusetts.
Sam Brownback, REPUBLICAN, Kansas.
Jim Bunning, REPUBLICAN, Kentucky.
Richard Burr, REPUBLICAN, North Carolina.
Saxby Chambliss, REPUBLICAN, Georgia.
Tom Coburn, REPUBLICAN, Oklahoma.
Thad Cochran, REPUBLICAN, Mississippi.
Susan Collins, REPUBLICAN, Maine.
Bob Corker, REPUBLICAN, Tennessee.
John Cornyn, REPUBLICAN, Texas.
Mike Crapo, REPUBLICAN, Idaho.
Jim DeMint, REPUBLICAN, South Carolina.
John Ensign, REPUBLICAN, Nevada.
Mike Enzi, REPUBLICAN, Wyoming.
Lindsey Graham, REPUBLICAN, South Carolina.
Chuck Grassley, REPUBLICAN, Iowa.
Judd Gregg, REPUBLICAN, New Hampshire.
Orrin Hatch, REPUBLICAN, Utah.
Kay Bailey Hutchison, REPUBLICAN, Texas.
Jim Inhofe, REPUBLICAN, Oklahoma.
Johnny Isakson, REPUBLICAN, Georgia.
Mike Johanns, REPUBLICAN, Nebraska.
Mark Kirk, REPUBLICAN, Illinois.
Jon Kyl, REPUBLICAN, Arizona.
George LeMieux, REPUBLICAN, Florida.
Richard Lugar, REPUBLICAN, Indiana.
John McCain, REPUBLICAN, Arizona.
Mitch McConnell, REPUBLICAN, Kentucky.
Lisa Murkowski, REPUBLICAN, Alaska.
Jim Risch, REPUBLICAN, Idaho.
Pat Roberts, REPUBLICAN, Kansas.
Jeff Sessions, REPUBLICAN, Alabama.
Richard Shelby, REPUBLICAN, Alabama.
Olympia Snowe, REPUBLICAN, Maine.
John Thune, REPUBLICAN, South Dakota.
DAVID VITTER, REPUBLICAN, Louisiana.
George Voinovich, REPUBLICAN, Ohio.
Roger Wicker, REPUBLICAN, Mississippi.
House—
Robert Aderholt, REPUBLICAN, Alabama’s 4th District.
Rodney Alexander, REPUBLICAN, Louisiana’s 5th District.
Steve Austria, REPUBLICAN, Ohio’s 7th District.
Michele Bachmann, REPUBLICAN, Minnesota’s 6th District.
Spencer Bachus, REPUBLICAN, Alabama’s 6th District.
J. Gresham Barrett, REPUBLICAN, South Carolina’s 3rd District.
Joe Barton, REPUBLICAN, Texas’ 6th District.
Melissa Bean, Democrat, Illinois’ 8th District.
Robert Marion Berry, Democrat, Arkansas’ 1st District.
Judy Biggert, REPUBLICAN, Illinois’ 13th District.
Brian P. Bilbray, REPUBLICAN, California’s 50th District.
Gus M. Bilirakis, REPUBLICAN, Florida’s 9th District.
Rob Bishop, REPUBLICAN, Utah’s 1st District.
Marsha Blackburn, REPUBLICAN, Tennessee’s 7th District.
Roy Blunt, REPUBLICAN, Missouri’s 7th District.
John Boehner, REPUBLICAN, Ohio’s 8th District.
Jo Bonner, REPUBLICAN, Alabama’s 1st District.
Mary Bono Mack, REPUBLICAN, California’s 45th District.
John Boozman, REPUBLICAN, Arkansas’ 3rd District.
Charles W. Boustany Jr, REPUBLICAN, Louisiana’s 7th District.
Kevin Brady, REPUBLICAN, Texas’ 8th District.
Bobby Bright, Democrat, Alabama’s 2nd District.
Paul C. Brown, REPUBLICAN, Georgia’s 10th District.
Henry Brown, REPUBLICAN, South Carolina’s 1st District.
Virginia “Ginny” Brown-Wiate, REPUBLICAN, Florida’s 5th District.
Vern Buchanan, REPUBLICAN, Florida’s 13th District.
Michael Burgess, REPUBLICAN, Texas’ 26th District.
Dan Burton, REPUBLICAN, Indiana’s 5th District.
Steve Buyer, REPUBLICAN, Indiana’s 4th District.
Ken Calvert, REPUBLICAN, California’s 44th District.
Daye Camp, REPUBLICAN, Michigan’s 4th District.
John Campbell, REPUBLICAN, California’s 48th District.
Eric Cantor, REPUBLICAN, Virginia’s 7th District.
Shelly Moore Capito, REPUBLICAN, West Virginia’s 2nd District.
John Carter, REPUBLICAN, Texas’ 31st District.
Bill Cassidy, REPUBLICAN, Louisiana’s 6th District.
Michael N. Castle, REPUBLICAN, Delaware At Large.
Jason Chaffetz, REPUBLICAN, Utah’s 3rd District.
Howard Coble, Repubican, North Carolina’s 6th District.
Mike Coffman, REPUBLICAN, Colorado’s 6th District.
Tom Cole, REPUBLICAN, Oklahoma’s 4th District.
Michael K. Conaway, REPUBLICAN, Texas’ 11th District.
Jim Cooper, Democrat, Tennessee’s 5th District.
Ander Crenshaw, REPUBLICAN, Florida’s 4th District.
John Culberson, REPUBLICAN, Texas’ 28th District.
Geoff Davis, REPUBLICAN, Kentucy’s 4th District.
Lincoln Diaz-Balart, REPUBLICAN, Florida’s 21st District.
Mario Diaz-Balart, REPUBLICAN, Florida’s 25th District.
Charles Djou, REPUBLICAN, Hawaii’s 1st District.
David Dreier, REPUBLICAN, California’s 26th District.
John J. Duncan Jr., REPUBLICAN, Tennessee’s 2nd District.
Vernon J. Elhers, REPUBLICAN, Michigan’s 3rd District.
Jo Ann Emerson, REPUBLICAN, Missouri’s 8th District.
Mary Fallin, REPUBLICAN, Oklahoma’s 5th District.
Jeff Flake, REPUBLICAN, Arizona’s 6th District.
John Fleming, REPUBLICAN, Louisiana’s 4th District.
Randy Forbes, REPUBLICAN, Virginia’s 4th District.
Jeff Fortenberry, REPUBLICAN, Nebraska’s 1st District.
Virginia Foxx, REPUBLICAN, North Carolina’s 5th District.
Trent Franks, REPUBLICAN, Arizona’s 2nd District.
Elton Gallegly, REPUBLICAN, California’s 24th District.
Scott Garrett, REPUBLICAN, New Jersey’s 5th District.
Jim Gerlach, REPUBLICAN, Pennsylvania’s 6th District.
Phil Gingrey, REPUBLICAN, Georgia’s 11th District.
Louie Gohmert, REPUBLICAN, Texas’ 1st District.
Bob Goodlatte, REPUBLICAN, Virginia’s 6th District.
Kay Granger, REPUBLICAN, Texas’ 12th District.
Tom Graves, REPUBLICAN, Georgia’s 9th District.
Sam Graves, REPUBLICAN, Missouri’s 6th District.
Ralph M. Hall, REPUBLICAN, Texas’ 4th District.
Gregg Harper, REPUBLICAN, Mississippi’s 3rd District.
Doc Hastings, REPUBLICAN, Washington’s 4th District.
Dean Heller, REPUBLICAN, Nevada’s 2nd District.
Jeb Hensarling, REPUBLICAN, Texas’ 5th District.
Wally Herger, REPUBLICAN, California’s 2nd District.
Duncan D. Hunter, REPUBLICAN, California’s 52nd District.
Bob Inglis, REPUBLICAN, South Carolina’s 4th District.
Darrell Issa, REPUBLICAN, California’s 49th District.
Lynn Jenkins, REPUBLICAN, Kansas’ 2nd District.
Timothy V. Johnson, REPUBLICAN, Illinois’ 15th District.
Sam Johnson, REPUBLICAN, Texas’ 3rd District.
Jim Jordan, REPUBLICAN, Ohio’s 4th District.
Steve King, REPUBLICAN, Iowa’s 5th District.
Jack Kingston, REPUBLICAN, Georgia’s 1st District.
John Kline, REPUBLICAN, Minnesota’s 2nd District.
Doug Lamborn, REPUBLICAN, Colorado’s 5th District.
Tom Latham, REPUBLICAN, Iowa’s 4th District.
Steven C. LaTourette, REPUBLICAN, Ohio’s 14th District.
Robert E. Latta, REPUBLICAN, Ohio’s 14th District.
Christopher J. Lee, REPUBLICAN, New York’s 26th District.
Jerry Lewis, REPUBLICAN, California’s 41st District
John Linder, REPUBLICAN, Georgia’s 7th District.
Frank Lucas, REPUBLICAN, Oklahoma’s 3rd District.
Blaine Luetkemeyer, REPUBLICAN, Missouri’s 9th District.
Cynthia M. Lummis, REPUBLICAN, Wyoming At Large.
Daniel E. Lungren, REPUBLICAN, California’s 3rd District.
Connie Mack, REPUBLICAN, Florida’s 14th District.
Donald Manzullo, REPUBLICAN, Illinois’ 16th District.
Kenny Marchant, REPUBLICAN, Texas’ 24th District.
Michael T. McCaul, REPUBLICAN, Texas’ 10th District.
Tom McClintock, REPUBLICAN, California’s 4th District.
Thaddeus McCotter, REPUBLICAN, Michigan’s 11th District.
Patrick T. McHenry, REPUBLICAN, North Carolina’s 10th District.
Buck McKeon, REPUBLICAN, California’s 25th District.
Cathy McMorris-Rodgers, REPUBLICAN, Washington’s 5th District.
John Mica, REPUBLICAN, Florida’s 17th District.
Jeff Miller, REPUBLICAN, Florida’s 1st District.
Gary Miller, REPUBLICAN, California’s 42nd District.
Sue Myrick, REPUBLICAN, North Carolina’s 9th District.
Randy Neugebauer, REPUBLICAN, Texas’ 19th District.
Devin Nunes, REPUBLICAN, California’s 21st District.
Pete Olson, REPUBLICAN, Texas’ 22nd District.
Ron Paul, REPUBLICAN, Texas’ 14th District.
Erik Paulsen, REPUBLICAN, Minnesota’s 3rd District.
Mike Pence, REPUBLICAN, Indiana’s 6th District.
Thomas Petri, REPUBLICAN, Wisconsin’s 6th District.
Joseph R. Pitts, REPUBLICAN, Pennsylvania’s 16th District.
Todd Platts, REPUBLICAN, Pennsylvania’s 19th District.
Ted Poe, REPUBLICAN, Texas’ 2nd District.
Bill Posey, REPUBLICAN, Florida’s 15th District.
Tom Price, REPUBLICAN, Georgia’s 6th District.
Adam Putnam, REPUBLICAN, Florida’s 12th District.
Dennis Rehberg, REPUBLICAN, Montana At Large
David G. Reichert, REPUBLICAN, Washington’s 8th District.
Phil Roe, REPUBLICAN, Tennessee’s 1st District.
Harold Rogers, REPUBLICAN, Kentucky’s 5th District.
Mike Rogers, REPUBLICAN, Alabama’s 3rd District.
Mike Rogers, REPUBLICAN, Michigan’s 8th District.
Dana Rohrabacher, REPUBLICAN, California’s 46th District.
Tom Rooney, REPUBLICAN, Florida’s 16th District.
Ileana Ros-Lehtinen, REPUBLICAN, Florida’s 18th District.
Peter J. Roskam, REPUBLICAN, Illinois’ 6th District.
Ed Royce, REPUBLICAN, California’s 40th District.
Paul Ryan, REPUBLICAN, Wisconsin’s 1st District.
Steve Scalise, REPUBLICAN, Louisiana’s 1st District.
Jean Schmidt, REPUBLICAN, Ohio’s 2nd District.
Aaron Schock, REPUBLICAN, Illinois’ 18th District.
James F. Sensenbrenner, REPUBLICAN, Wisconsin’s 5th District.
Pete Sessions, REPUBLICAN, Texas’ 32nd District.
John Shimkus, REPUBLICAN, Illinois’ 19th District.
Bill Shuster, REPUBLICAN, Pennsylvania’s 9th District.
Mike Simpson, REPUBLICAN, Idaho’s 2nd District.
Adrian Smith, REPUBLICAN, Nebraska’s 3rd District.
Lamar Smith, REPUBLICAN, Texas’ 21st District.
Cliff Stearns, REPUBLICAN, Florida’s 6th District.
John Sullivan, REPUBLICAN, Oklahoma’s 1st District.
Lee Terry, REPUBLICAN, Nebraska’s 2nd District.
Glenn W. Thompson, REPUBLICAN, Pennsylvania’s 5th District.
Mac Thornberry, REPUBLICAN, Texas’ 13th District.
Pat Tiberi, REPUBLICAN, Ohio’s 12th District.
Michael Turner, REPUBLICAN, Ohio’s 3rd District.
Fred Upton, REPUBLICAN, Michigan’s 6th District.
Greg Walden, REPUBLICAN, Oregon’s 2nd District.
Lynn A. Westmoreland, REPUBLICAN, Georgia’s 3rd District.
Ed Whitfield, REPUBLICAN, Kentucky’s 1st District.
Joe Wilson, REPUBLICAN, South Carolina’s 2nd District.
Robert J. Wittman, REPUBLICAN, Virginia’s 1st District.
Frank Wolf, REPUBLICAN, Virginia’s 10th District.
Wow… how charming.
I don’t mean to be so dickish (“shitted on 'em; man, I just shitted on 'em”), but I get quite defensive when I read incessant trash-talk about how we liberals are such unpatriotic hypocrites and liars. I know tensions are high and that they’re going to get worse as the 2012 elections approach, but let’s stay grounded here, folks!
Your Moment of Zen
“99.9% of all statistics are made up.” – Rush Limbaugh
Moral of the story #1: In the voice of MAD TV's Vancome Lady: Tcha, Ya Know What? NUH UH!
Moral of the story #2: Yeah, I stole the Moment of Zen from you, Jon Stewart! What the hell are YOU gonna’ do ‘bout it … you Yiddish schmuck? (What’s a Yidd!? All I know about Jewish culture I know from watching Seinfeld and the episode of Fresh Prince in which Milton Berle co-starred. That reminds me; I really want to try kreplach!)
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PS #1. – My roomie was watching Fox News earlier, which is totally cool, and I was amazed at how friggen hot their female correspondents are. Yo, if Mika Brzezinski, Andrea Mitchell and Rachel Maddow don’t spice it up soon, I may just have to switch to Fox. 4 real though! Come on ladies; use what you Mama done gave you :-).
PS #2. – Rachel Maddow especially needs to spice it up! (I’m really bored and out of ideas… OKAY!?) You know what she needs? A bonnet:
My PRINCESS!
That was lame, but what the hell…. I’M LAME! (HELLO!)
PS #3. – Does anybody know what a Cenk Uygur (prononounced SINK YOU-GRRRRR) is? Is it a mammal? Is it a fish? Does it have genitals or is it asexual? (LOL; that’s bloody funny as hell to me)
And GO TO HELL at any liberals who think I’m a total immature ass for laughing at Limbaugh. When it comes to politics, I’m hella liberal. But when it comes to comedy, I don’t take sides! Suffice it to say, though I think Rush is a scumbug, I also think he’s bloody funny as hell AT TIMES. Very rare times, but sometimes he does make me laugh. Sawwy…
PS #4. – That my roomie is conservative has nothing whatsoever to do with my current depression spell. I watch/read a lot of liberal stuff and I write a lot of shit, but I don’t discuss politics or involve it in my daily living. Politics to me is like this hazy cloud on the horizon. I like viewing it from afar, but that's the closest I'll ever get to it.
PS #5. – I really need a sound card. The integrated audio chip on my Dell is a piece of garbage. I’m wearing $100 headphones and getting $5 bass. Doesn’t anybody in this bloody town have a quality PCI or USB sound card they’d be willing to deliver to me if I pay a higher price!???
Aight. I’m up out this bitch. I don't know how long it'll be til I get back to my usual self, but just be patient with me.
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