#1.
The artist I brought up is a local artist. Now, typically I can't stand anything to do with excrement, doo-doo, boo-boo, poo or pooh, but I'm willing to make an exception for Mr. Pooh Bear. This cat about to blow up on the scene just like them boys Troop 41, so check out his pre-pre-pre video (the official shit hasn't even been recorded yet) on YouTube.
Mark my words--Raleigh will soon be the next city to make a permanent mark on the hiphop map. Petey Pablo started the movement almost a decade ago, but it's just now about to go all the way live! It's been a long time coming. I'm not in the hiphop game, but I love hiphop, so right on! So don't be surprised when Lacs on dubs and Caprices on 28s become commonplace sights in tha Capital City (SWAG).
#2.
The only real news story worth my attention this week has been the whole Weiner controversy. Unfortunately, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert have already squeezed everything they can out of Weiner's weiner. Damn them. I'm a bit jealous because they're just so damn smart. Stewart can pick apart any political issue, while Colbert can quickly respond to anything with a funny joke. He's like a white Wayne Brady!
There's one thing they haven't quite considered, though. I think Weiner is purposefully dodging questions and acting suspicious because he wants people to think that his penis really is that big. He knows that the picture isn't of his weiner because his weiner is like a f**king thimble. But by not explicitly denying it, there exists a chance -- however abysmally slim -- that maybe he does in fact have a big dick.
That, ladies and gentleman, is called the male ego! Yeah. . .
#3.
If Weiner really did send a pic of his member to a grown-ass woman, then who the hell cares? People are acting so self-righteous. Oh, he's a CREEP? Do you have any idea how many desperate-ass, broke hoes land in my e-mail box everyday with sexy pictures, talking about "chat me up at my website, boo!"
This country acts so self-righteous at times. Our society is full of sexual perverts and heathens -- if you've ever played naked Twister, then you, Sir or Madam, are a PERV -- yet they try to hide behind some façade, pretending as if they're non-sexual beings. Man, this is 2011. If Marie Barone ain't afraid to admit that she likes to get it on, then why should anyone else?
Here's a shocker for ya'll. . .. not only do politicians get it on, but they take showers and . . . O.M.G. . . . they take shits! They're human.
Now, there is speculation that Weiner likes young girls, but that's str8-up bullshit from the mouth of the real-life Bart Simpson: Anthony BreitBART. F**k that overused, living and breathing condom. I can't stand people who get off on using deceit to destroy the lives of others. Effin' Dick Solomon wannabe.
Bottom line is that Breitbart is a dick. And I don't know about ya'll, but I'd much rather be a Weiner than a dick!
#4.
Word through the grapevine is that Texas Governor Rick Perry wants to become president. This is the same douche who suggested that Texas should succeed from the United States. So what's his presidential plan, aye? -- to succeed the United States from the United States? Good luck with that!
#5.
It's truly sad how much other republicans seemingly hate Romney. If 'Game Changer' is correct, McCain, Huckabee and even Giuliani all despise him. Huckabee even went so far as to say Romney has no soul. The irony is that among them, Romney is the sanest one! He's the only one I could actually imagine as president, not that I want him to beat Obama.
It's a sad world when "PLAIN" and "BORING" are viewed so badly. Isn't it supposed to be friggen better to work hard and live a simple but righteous life versus chasing after fame and fortune by acting a fool (I don't necessarily follow what I preach)? So shouldn't the same principle apply to politics? Why the hell do conservatives want these crazy bastards over an intelligent guy like Romney!?
That said, I'm hoping to do a satire next week that makes fun of the fact that republicans want a 'rock star' candidate instead of somebody with substance and value. Excuse me for being blunt, but do you see us liberal, pot-smoking and gang-banging democrats trying to elect a 'hip hop' star to the presidency? Hell to tha naw!
#6.
I don't suppose the folks at the Onion would consider setting up an advice line. Part of the reason I didn't write anything this week is because I've had doubts. I've felt like my ideas SUCK. I'd really love to be able to talk to someone now and again (15 mins TOPS per week) about my ideas. . . whether they're good, whether they could be better, etc.
I don't need a got-damn job. I work for a company that is publicly traded on the Stock Market for $14 a pop, sucka. Hell, b4 Panda hit, they were up to $25 a pop. By the way, Panda did nothing except destroy a bunch of websites, including my e-cigarette store. The Google search engine is still just as pathetic as it has always been. Unless you know how to conduct online research, you'd best hire somebody!
Anyway. I just need some direction--just a little guidance. And it'd be nice to get it from satire's Obi-Wan Kenobi. Unfortunately, Jon Stewart is way too f**king rich and successful to waste his time on a mere mortal like me. However, I'm willing to settle with 4th or 5th best. Yeah, I'm humble like that.
#7.
CNN should change its name to the ‘Weiner News Network’:
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That's it. Enjoy yourselves!
PS #1. -- I'm looking for a cougar, not a Crougar, as in Freddy Crougar! LOL. J/K. I just got that from the Russ Parr show! Just a joke.
PS #2. -- Female Onion writers on their period shouldn't be allowed to submit a column until they've stopped ragging. I'm just saying . . .
PS #3. -- I am thinking of writing a satire that makes fun of the fact that K97.5 plays the same songs over and over again. All radio stations do this, but it'd be fun to poke fun at K97.5.
The truth is I actually get much more pleasure from teasing local folks than I do politicians or whatnot. When I make fun of Joe Biden, there's almost no pleasure from it (besides when I'm drunk) because I know Joe Biden will never f**king read it or give a shit about it. But when I write about local entities, there's a much higher chance they'll stumble on it and get a good laugh. And I love to make people laugh WITH me, yah know? I emphasized WITH cuz I'll str8-up molly whop a sucka who laugh AT me!
PS #4. -- Sorry to be so dickish tonight. I usually write the majority of my posts while sober, but today I didn't start writing til I popped open my first beer. Yeah. . . it's one of those days.
PS #5. -- Why the f**k did I use a #, a period (.) AND a dash!???
Night all.
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