None Of Y'all Betta (Jadakiss)

Evening. I got a lot on my mind, but I’m going to start with a genuine rant. I’ll then follow it with a much more comprehensive analysis. FYI – This rant is geared at a group of musically inclined and spoiled-ass rich idiots on TinyChat who thought it wise to demean me for my lack of style and then lecture me on world affairs. Bad choice, Joyce.

RANT: Dear TinyChat Musicians

You got a lot of game, you make a lot of money and you're talented. We all know it. But do not dare feign intellectualism by arguing the purported 'common sense' of a non-existent world order operated by the 'man,' you stupid mother****ers. Too many big words for you?

Let me ****ing tell you something. I'm the college-educated son of a professor who has been on 5 continents, including North America, South America, Africa, Europe AND Asia, bitch. Yes, I'm lame, I have no game, I get no pussy and my bankroll is weak, but I'm ****ing smart.

Yes, you got game, you get pussy and your Dad hangs out with Lil Wayne, but you're ****ing stupid. What's the derivative of 5x^3? What's the capital of Syria? What was the Bay of Pigs? Why is Europe's economy crumbling? Don't know? EXACTLY. You're a ****ing ignoramus with a brain the size of a ****ing ant, bitch.

DUHHHHHHH.

DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

There is no ****ing world order or Illuminati, so stop preaching to the choir with your nonsensical bullshit, and start paying attention to reality, bitch. Watch the ****ing news, memorize the names of all the countries in Asia, read some ****ing books and take a mental bath, you dumb*** morons.

Excuse me if I sound bitter and annoyed, but I take umbrage to having to listen to a bunch of uneducated, inarticulate and foolish morons acting like they're more intelligent than me. You got more money and pussy, but mentally, you are no ****ing match for me, because I will crush you with my brain!

This has been a public broadcast brought to you by the I'm Smarter Than You Foundation of America.

Analysis: Cultural Differences

There is an obsession among certain cultures to attire oneself flashingly at all times. Such people splurge more money on clothing and jewelry than the rest of us typically spend on rent, bills and just getting by in our current economy.

Do I harbor resentment at their gaudy sense of style? Certainly not. As a progressive liberal, I appreciate the differences between cultures. What I find disturbing, however, is such people’s penchant for disparaging those of us who approach life differently.

If you feel forking over $500.00 or more in one day for the latest outfits and bling is in your best interest, then do it. I won’t look down at you. But don’t look down at me because I prefer to spend said money on books, gadgets and future investments.

Different cultures prioritize different things. It’s no big deal; it’s just the way it is. The truth is, actually, that different people have different priorities, but for the sake of argument, let’s approach this from a cultural standpoint.

Indian people lack style. I don’t think I’ve ever met an Indian who actually knows how to dress sexily. We’re hardwired from birth to focus more on intellectual pursuits than superficialities—not to say there is anything wrong with pursuing the latter.

Like I said previously, such differences are normal and should be encouraged. Does this mean we can’t poke fun at one another from time to time with a good, old-fashioned roast? Absolutely not. But there is a significant difference between poking fun and outright insulting one another.

That said, I ask that people remember to respect the differences among one another. This planet houses a multitude of unique people with distinct preferences. Some favor the Christian religion, while others prefer Islam. Likewise, some prefer toying with dorky gadgets, while others prefer flaunting their fly Jordans.

The Hearts Of REAL Men

Why do the same slimeballs who spend all day telling these “bitches” to get “nuked” feel it appropriate to call me a pervert for wanting to have a real conversation with a female? Yes, I’m a 29-year-old heterosexual male who enjoys conversing with 18+ females, but that does not make me a perv.

You idiots are misogynist perverts who objectify women all day, everyday because sex is all you’re capable of comprehending. You know what attracts me most to a woman... besides a beautiful smile, lovely eyes, nice hair and a nice body (I'm still a man, lol)? Intelligence, a sense of humor, a kind temperament and a big heart.

SMDH. To you morons, I’m gay if I don’t treat women like trash, and I’m a pervert if I try to have a real conversation with one. Look up the phrase “worthless men” sometime, because you idiots are the very definition of it.



NERDSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

The word ‘nerd’ is a pejorative used to belittle geeky, got-no-game men who expend more energy “orgasmifying” their mind than they do trying to get laid—either because they don’t care about sex or they’ve given up trying to have sex altogether.

In my case, I’m an anxious guy who grew up in an intellectual household. The focus wasn’t on dressing nice; it was on getting good grades, preparing for college and staying out of trouble. Suffice it to say, I was taught to admire substance over style, though the lesson clearly hasn’t always stuck with me :-).

Anyway. The term ‘nerd’ is used frequently by those people who respect style over substance. Again, I don’t find this particular cultural anomaly at all discomfiting. What’s annoying and offensive, however, is when such people try to challenge me intellectually, thinking that their swag triumphs my mind.

Though many of these people possess a superior sense of aesthetics, they are abysmally unaware of the world’s greater affairs—international and domestic politics, significant scientific pursuits and the declining state of America’s educational system, to name a few.

Thus, they easily fall privy to the comically incredulous bullshit put forth by the likes of David Icke, Alex Jones and Glenn Beck, to name a few. It worries me that so many from this particular culture find wisdom in ignorance, but again, I say let them be content in that which brings them comfort.

When one of them tries to take me on, however, it’s on like Donkey Kong. I pay close attention to the REAL news. I learned a long time ago not to fall for conspiracy theories. There is only 1 world in real life, but there are plenty of additional worlds in the mind of a nut. And though I’m goofy like the Fresh Prince, I ain’t a nut, partna’.

So before you come at me with conspiracy theories you got from listening to the radio, go get your GED, take a few college courses and read the newspaper. Until then, STFU, because your views hold no credibility in the real world—though I’m sure they are “all that and a bag ah’ chips” in your fantasy world, biatch.

///////

I know… you’re thinking, “What a hater.” I try to show love, but I’m getting fed up with all the shit talking that comes my way. If you’re going to act like you’re better than me because you have more swag and can sing, then **** you; I’m going to act the same because I’m smarter than you’ll ever be.

The next time you want to go on about that “bitch nerd” or “lame fag,” think twice, because just because we’re “lame” doesn’t mean we’re dummies, or that we’ll sit there and take it, because we won’t. And you want to know why? Because none of ya’ll — not a single damn one of you — are betta! And if you think you are betta, then meet me in the IQ test room Monday morning, 7am sharp, cuz it’s ONNNN!

PS #1 – There is no such thing as karma. If there were, a million or more starving African women would be given the chance to trade places with the Kardashians. Karma is simply meant to make us feel bad when we do something wrong, though given the current state of our society, it clearly doesn’t work anymore. Instead it provides incentive to feel smug when we see our enemies fail. “Karma got you!” we exclaim to ourselves… til our turn comes, that is.

PS #2 – Excuse me for articulating myself. I don’t care if you don’t speak proper English. I’ve always been open-minded. Back in 2008, I got owned on here on and on for speaking improper English. But since then I’ve seen learned how to speak properly, as per my career choice. And now ya’ll mock me because of it. Can a brotha ever get peace? I speak improperly, I’m tryna’ act hard. I speak properly, and I’m a lame. Do you have any idea just how much society frustrates the hell out of me? SMDH!

PS #3 – I’M NOT OLD, ASSHOLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS #4 – Good night and HAPPY early NEW YEAR! Mayhap I’ll be back tomorrow. IDK yet whether I’ll watch a movie or not. If not, I’ll be tuned into K97.5 for sure!

PS #5 – 1

Tonight Is The Night (Outasight)

Good Evening! I don’t know about you folks, but I had a terrific week, due in no small part to my roomie being on Christmas vacation. It just further cements the fact that I function much better when I’m alone, save for the case of a live-in girlfriend or a wife. Unfortunately, only a few days remain until Dear Leader returns and this place turns back into Camp AwwwShit! Yo, I deserve a cookie for my wit :-)!

The Best Of Both Worlds

Ladies and gentlemen, I believe I have discerned an optimal resolution for our current financial crisis.

First, I propose we privatize entitlements and hand them over to Wall Street in the hope that they can double or triple what is currently in the coffers. This will prevent Social Security and Medicare from eventually crashing, which they will if we do nothing.

Second, I recommend that we federalize healthcare and set up a public option. It would curb the excessive growth in healthcare costs, while also offering poorer Americans a chance to secure protection from future illnesses that may beset them.

This solution allows for the best of both worlds—conservatives get a taste of smaller government, while liberals get a taste of bigger government. Privatizing entitlements makes me very nervous as a liberal, but I would gladly approve this plan nonetheless if I were president and I had a sane Congress with whom to work, because the key to good politics, in my opinion, lies in being willing to compromise.



PS – my Fiscal IQ is 85. What’s yours?

PS #2 – Despite my high fiscal IQ, I still can’t correctly articulate the friggen difference between the debt and deficit, lol.

Pulling Up The Blinders

Excuse the excessive use of the passive voice, but I’m blogging tipsy, not writing the next great American novel.

I’ve been on Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor drugs like Zoloft and Paxil since I was 15. Prior to being prescribed medication, I was so shy that I would either stare at the teacher or look down at my desk in class. I never spoke with my peers or participated in group activities. Mine was a very lonely existence devoid of human contact, save for my mom, dad and brother.

Within a month of being prescribed Paxil, I was starting to look up at the world. A year later and I was talking and developing some connections. Then after a horribly painful rejection from a female, I began seeking out respect from the cool guys. I started by passing out printed jokes and porno pictures. That got me some laughs, but earned me only looks of total disgust from the ladies. This angered me.

By 10th grade, I didn’t give a fuck anymore. Fuck bitches. Money, power, weed and respect, hoe. I took great pride in listening to gritty rap lyrics and getting high:

“That's why we sing for these kids, who don't have a thing
Except for a dream, and a fuckin' rap magazine
Who post pin-up pictures on their walls all day long
Idolize they favorite rappers and know all they songs
Or for anyone who's ever been through shit in their lives
Till they sit and they cry at night wishin' they'd die
Till they throw on a rap record and they sit, and they vibe
We're nothin' to you but we're the fuckin' shit in they eyes
That's why we seize the moment try to freeze it and own it, squeeze it and
hold it”

Mind you, my preference at the time was 2Pac.

Many years have passed since, and now I’m a functioning adult male with a job, a home and a dog. I think it’s time for me to take off the blinders.

Many claim that Paxil dulls one’s emotional senses. That’s the point, in fact—to dull the emotional anxiety and make one’s emotions manageable.

Two problems present themselves, however.

Problem Number 1: Frankly, Paxil makes my wiener limp. Without Levitra or the generic equivalent, I’m about as useless in the sack as John Boehner is as House leader. The other day I attempted to make a self-porno. I lay back on my bed and used my telekinetic powers to make my winky combat the forces of gravity and RISE UP.



But as soon as I stood up to show Godzilla off to my webcam, it started to go limp faster than the republicans caved in to Obama earlier today. Ergo, the problem. Prior to getting on Paxil, I was a horndog. I would get stiffies to some of the ugliest-ass teachers ever, real talk. But now I’m a man without proper blood circulation in his genitals… and it sucks!

Problem Number 2: I feel like I’m missing out on something… that my lack of “empathy” or wtf ever is preventing me from really feeling and experiencing what I should. It’s like blinders are somehow blocking my vision. Am I really without empathy, or is it just the medication? What would happen to me if I were to break free from this state?

The problem is that Paxil withdrawal is very painful and difficult (you have no idea). The one time I went without it for a short time (insurance issues from when I turned 26; THANK YOU @ NC for paying my way since then), I wanted to kill myself. Electric zaps in my head. Suicidal thoughts. Anxiety like no other. Depression. It was hell on Earth.

For now, I’m just going to downgrade from 20mg a day to 10mg a day. I will wait til I see my NC psych in March b4 proceeding further. I regret not bringing this up with her earlier this week, but it didn’t occur to me until like 2 days ago. I was tripping over my lack of sexual desire two days ago (I hate getting called a loser or lame just because I’m not a pervert; Paxil has killed my sex drive, but I’m still a man), and that’s what led me to this revelation.

Anyway.

The Scary World Of Networking

My chief website got hit hard two weeks ago by a switch in Google’s search algorithm. It’s gone from 200+ views per day down to 90-110 per day. I’m tired of performing endless search engine optimization, so I’m getting ready to do something I’ve been avoiding since day one: network with other professionals.

One key aspect of e-marketing entails building what are called “reciprocal links” with business owners who own similarly themed websites. I’ve avoided it from the beginning because I hate networking. If I could, I would operate a business on my own merits. Unfortunately, one cannot survive on the Web like this.

Wish me luck! Thus far, I have failed, as everybody I’ve emailed has either ignored me or told me to fuck off—with kinder words, mind you. Sighs. I’ll keep trying, though! Below is my email. Sorry if it’s not all fancy, but I keep it real and from the heart (and people say I lack empathy?????):

//

Hi,

I built my first-ever website, SmokeWithoutFear.com, a year ago, and after spending months on SEO work, I think I’m finally ready to start networking. I’m a really shy guy, so I’ve been avoiding this step. What with the recent change in Google’s algorithm, however, I think it’s time for me to take the leap and build relationships with other professionals. That said, do you accept reciprocal links?

Thank you kindly for your time.

Sincerely
***** ******

Final Thoughts

#1. I’m so glad I watched Thirteen Days last weekend. It reawakened my love for politics in a way that was greatly needed. I’m back to paying close attention. Mind you, it did help that this past week was so dramatic. I quite love political showdowns that threaten to destroy the nation. They give me goose bumps!

#2. Why the f**k am I always the target when a TinyChat Roast starts up? Everybody acts like I’m some 45-year-old pedo. Look, I want a 21 or older wife. And yeah, I’m balding, but that’s just Paxil-induced hairloss, BITCH! And yeah I’m ugly, but I WAS BORN THIS WAY (how you think my Mama felt having to raise my ugly ass for 18+ years, you insensitive prick?)!

#3. I’M NOT GAY, YOU ASS! I’m just a sensitive romantic with a dysfunctional dick. 1 hit of Levitra and a night with yo bitches, and you’d best believe they’d be my bitches!

#4. I’m out of jokes n thoughts, and I really need a cigarette.

#5. Ya’ll have a great Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and, most importantly, a great NO-ROOMIE weekend!!!

A Song You Like (An Artist You Like)

not writing much

i got a hd webcam this week that I PAID FOR and i have fell in love with it

love to spend my free time on tinychat chilling with college-aged folks

yah, i'm almost 30, but i don't care

nothing says i have to grow up fast, or at all

i look like a fool, aye? idc. but that u somehow think that looking like a fool is wrong (the way u said it?) irritates me

for once in a long time, i'm having fun. i feel good. im socializing by voice n video

tinychat is like socializing in real life, except a lot easier

i mainly type, but i like to be on cam so people can see me

i like hearing others talk

every once in awhile, i turn on my mic n say something

im enjoying it

meanwhile, im working hard during the week

and yah, i don't pay as close attention to politics anymore -- but so what?

i still know wtf is going on

one need not be obsessed with the news to be aware of it, yah know?

--

sorry for flipping out earlier

im just under mad stress at times and don't know how to handle it

i'm not a mean person; i just live and do

but it seems like every little thing i do pisses someone off

well, cry a river because i'm here on this earth for me

when i am well off enough, i will give back

right now, i have countless of my own demons to overcome

so unless you got love to show

just leave me alone please

//

why everyone else think they know what's best for me?

or ask me why i'm trying to be something I'm not?

I may be a kid at heart but I still have the mind of a grown man.

I know who I am, where I am hopefully headed and what I want out of life.

So in the words of 2pac Shakur, "Let me live, baby. Let me live!"

\\

so why is it about you and not me?

well, take a look at me and then look at yourself

what about you do you see in me?

what about me can you relate with?

what about me do you envy?

what about me do you pity?

\\--//

i guess i was wrong

IT IS ABOUT ME! :-)

aHAH

GOTCHA' BITCH!

Night.

PS --

Sorry to someone. last weekend i made fun of people who like the hangover. i have a lot of enemies who like it, but i have never liked it. this week someone i like has been sour to me, so i finally was like wtf n looked at her profile to see if i could find a clue. i found the hangover 2 in her likes n it hit me... shit

baby... i wasn't referring to you. i don't do sly ninja shit like that. the whole post was directed @ people in raleigh. my city pisses me off a lot. or it has been lately. i have no beefs with u. if u watch it, then that's cool. i just... i act Peter'ish when I get angry, dig?

but it wasn't u i was targeting, point blank

u too adorable 4 that

1

Umma Be A Video Star

Check it out:



I may do a full video rant 2nite. Idk. All depends. Holla.

Heart Stereo (Gym Class Heroes)

Evening, folks.

This post may be short because my left hand is still jacked up. I can now lift my wrist, but I can’t hold it up to type. Just lifting it requires a tremendous deal of effort. It sucks, but Id rather have a bout of short-lasting radial nerve palsy than a fractured wrist!

I Am A Marketer

I’ve finally figured out my path in life. I’m destined to be an online marketer. I enjoy reading books about it, I enjoy talking about it and I even enjoy doing it. More importantly, I am becoming better at it. Just a year at the marketing game has netted me almost half a grand per month in residual income. God knows how far I could go if I keep working hard at it.

It’s hard to work a regular job AND do marketing, but stress kind of helps. I’ve been really stressed for the past few months because I kind of hate my living situation. For a while, I tried escaping by looking for a shared room, but I’ve given up on that as well. Got love for the city, but I ain’t trying to live with any of you uptight motherfuckers.

NO PETS
NO SMOKING
CHRISTIANS ONLY
FEMALES ONLY

You know what? I would rather work hard as fucking hell to build enough income to afford renting a townhouse to myself than live with any of you—point blank. I’m sick of the bull and the hypocrisy. I put Raleigh to the test this week by posting an ad that was just as discriminating but from a different angle, and of course it was flagged:

“I am looking for a sane renter to live in my 3-bedroom, 2-1/2 bath town home. You will get your own private room with your own bathroom on the 2nd floor. I reside on the 1st floor with my dog, cat, rabbit, mouse, monkey and singing parakeet. No pets please.

I believe deeply in Allah, and I would prefer a like-minded individual, as I do not allow any Christmas decorations or ring tones in my home. In fact, I expect you to never ever wear green and red clothes at the same time around me. Please no Santa hats.

Please do not reply if you are a woman or fat or homosexual, as I prefer the presence of only skinny heterosexual Allah-fearing men, save for my three morbidly obese daughters who visit on the weekends. No kids please.

Urine, sweat, blood, hair and venereal disease tests required beforehand. Must pay for background check, criminal history report, address verification and credit report from Experian. Also, must get nude, bend over and cough on the weekends, as I cannot risk my daughters' safety.

Tobacco smoking is highly encouraged here. If you cannot handle much daily hookah smoke, look elsewhere please. Must also be able to handle strong 24/7 smell of halal chicken.

$500 deposit and last-month rent requirement. Must provide employment references and list of past partners.

Thank you.

Allahu Akbar”

I guess only “normal” Christians are allowed to be discriminating asses in this city. And that’s why I’m going to work my ass off year after year until I can afford to move out West… to the land of the Golden Bridge.



SOD: Stacks On Deck

I gotta give a shout-out – more so for my blog than this room – to Soulja Boy. I started following him on Facebook because I was crushing badly on Kreayshawn, and I know she and him are friends. A few weeks ago, around when my crush was really starting to get to me, Soulja announced his website, and I decided to join.

Since then, I’ve become an avid tinychat user. I had used tinychat before, but I had never been able to find a home. I would just bounce from room to room, always lying in the background — silent and without life. At Soulja’s site, however, I kind of have a home. And I rather like it.

What’s so cool about this place is that it’s for everybody. Sometimes 16 year olds stop by, while at other times 30 year olds stop by. For the most part, however, it’s primarily cats who 17, 18 or in their early to mid 20s. And I vibe hella well with them (wadup Angelina!).

That said, I want to thank Soulja, and I figure the best way to do this is by giving back to someone else who needs help. I have the perfect person in mind. This cat is only a few years behind me, but he has absolutely nothing going for him save for some greasy butt-cheeks (please don’t ask). I was doing nothing with my life at his age, but at least I had an education — one which I eventually fell back on.

How to help is the question, though. It’s hard to reach people, and I don’t have the patience to teach a motherfucker shit. Regardless, I will at least try.



Eat It

Some father ordered a hooker and encountered his daughter. A lot of fools were talking about how he’s a symptom of liberalism. Word? Then what the fuck is he?



That’s what I thought. Glass houses, bitches.

Hard Work

I’ve discovered the only way 2 be happy in life is through hard work. But I done been known this. What’s so hard is finding something you enjoy working hard at. By the time most people figure it out, it’s too late. The key is to try to figure it out early, because the earlier you start, the easier it’ll be.

Here’s the thing. Success isn’t overnight. It takes years. In the meantime, you have to do the worst shit ever: work a regular job (*cringes*). So the earlier you find what you enjoy doing and star WORKING HARD at it, the less regular work you have to do.

Look… I’m not lazy. I’ve worked a lot more menial jobs than people realized. And I really have been through hell. In fact, I deserve having my life story published one day… but not now, because I still have too many more miles to tread.

Life is a bitch. It’s fucking hard. And it doesn’t get easier unless you work for it. I don’t enjoy struggling every week at a dying company just barely to survive, but I have hope in my heart because I never stop grinding toward my dream of being successful.

Sighs… I guess what I’m trying to say is that if you want something (e.g., your own space, a loving girlfriend/wife and a trained dog that actually fucking listens), you have to work for it. I didn’t get here overnight. I’ve scrubbed toilets, washed dishes, bussed tables, wrapped burgers, stuffed taco shells, solved Calculus problems, analyzed the very confusing words of great philosophers and even sold my body (I was poor, suicidal and addicted to drugs, and I just didn’t care how I suffered, so long as my day ended with me doped up).

I’ve been through hell. And well… if you haven’t been to hell yet, then I suggest you at least dip a toe, because until you dive in and start swimming, you’ll never get to the other side: sweet, sweet heaven.

/////////

That’s it.

I love the Christmas decorations in my neighborhood. Ya’ll should host a contest and let me judge. I genuinely enjoy decorations. They show creativity, a fun spirit and humanity. Keep it up.

I know this well get flagged, so I’m going to go out as a dick.

Happy Karthikai Deepam!!!



We at Dicks R Us do not necessarily endorse the Hindu religion, but we thought it would be most fitting to bring up this most totally fly holiday.

PS//

My official Morning Joe tribute. Sorry to make it so simple, but my hand is jacked and it’s a total pain to type. I’m literally typing off the top of my head, because editing is too much work. And well, ya’ll deserve better than top the head stuff.

I’ll say this, tho. Prior, I knew some news from CNN and the Daily Show, but I didn’t know who the House Majority or Minority were, let alone Ghadaffi or Mubarak. Ya’ll introduced me to a whole new world of politics and news. I don’t know how else to repay you other than to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for exposing me to a new world.

The irony? If I hadn’t fractured my hand and ended up in Wake Med hospital for surgery almost exactly a year ago, I would not have stumbled on your show—and Ted Turner talking about a 1-baby rule (LOL). Cheers. (Thank you also to my surgeon. I will pay you one day… I promise.)

Love ya’ll (not really but you know what I mean) @ Mika, Joe, Mike/Willie, Donnie, Halperin, umm… and, well, everybody else!

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

A Good Feeling (Flo Rida)

GOOD EVENING! First of all, I write for a living, so I don't feel like writin' all proper n shit for my rants. Hence forth, my writing may or may not sound proper:

Ray Barone: "Writing is what I do for a living."
Ray Barone: "I don't want to spend my free time writing."
Deb Barone: "But you love writing."
Ray Barone: "No."
Ray Barone: "It's--it's torture."
Ray Barone: "It's excruciating."

Anyway. What is up, Bible Belt residents? Sorry about the rant last week, but Raleigh got me trippin'. The weather is too damn cold, there ain't no palm trees and all the women are outdoorsy-like potential lesbians who like to fish (WTF?), hunt (Hell naw) or wade around naked in mud (kind of sexy, but not really).

I prefer the feminine type, but they usually hang out exclusively with jocks, jackasses and other assorted pretty-boy villains.

As for the sexy/mature crowd. . . well, the few who are single usually have a kid or two, and I'm sorry, but I literally refuse to raise a bastard.

The remaining ladies have the audacity to demand intimacy before sex:

Erin: "A woman wants to feel close to you before she sleeps with you."

My reply courtesy of Andy from Everybody Loves Raymond:

Andy: "And I say you will feel close to me once you sleep with me."

Daps!

SMDH @ women!

I'm tempted to hire this one $40 hooker from Craigslist, but she just so ugly! I can't stand sleeping with ugly women for free, let alone for a price, ya'mean!? Plus, IDK how much extra she would charge to do it without a condom. I'm sorry, but my uncircumcised wiener can't feel shit with plastic wrapped around it. Damn, I wish I had been born to a Jewish family!

TV Show Recommendation: Last Man Standing

I thought Last Man Standing would be lame, but I've been thoroughly enjoying it. It's fresh, fun and hip, and yet it still possesses that "Tim the Toolman Taylor" vibe we've all come to love. It's really a terrific, first-class show, and I'm genuinely impressed at Tim Allen's ability to wage a comeback. Tim succeeded where most actors fail. Plus, the show deals with a lot of modern issues, i.e., daughters getting poked all the time, lesbian neighbors (I WISH!) and kids that won't grow the hell up (why the hell you lookin' at me!?).

Plus, the two older daughters are so friggen fine. Where are the women like THAT in Raleigh!? 4 real, though!



4 real though... I can't figure out whom I love more. Kristin is more mature, but she has a friggen kid................. Meanwhile, Mandy is immature, but she's soooo sexy and soooo cuteeee! I just soooo badly want to feel up *COUGH* I mean sample her pie rack!

Grocery Store Recommendation: Harris Teeter

I was very wary of Harris Teeter when I moved to the North Side, but I've fallen in love with this grocery store. People act like it's so expensive, but it's really not. In fact, I spend less on skinless chicken breasts at Harris Teeter than I do at Food Lion or even Walmart. Plus, the chicken is of the highest quality.

Another aspect I like about Harris Teeter is that it attracts classy people. I don't particularly like Walmart, because almost every time I have ever visited Walmart, I've left it feeling like shit because somebody talked shit about me. At Harris Teeter, everybody is so busy with their own lives (these are hard-working people) that they don't have time to notice me. And I like that!

The last aspect to consider is that they offer free samples of SUSHI. Sushi, son! PHEW! And it's always so delicious. Note -- If you don't like sushi, you ain't no real balla! (non-raw sushi, mind you)

Plus, they got a section just for kids!



And oh, Chris Hansen sometimes works there. IDK why. But I've seen him on more than one occasion.

Original Bag Stuffer

I could have done sworn some cat earlier this week said something along the lines of, "You would make a great bag stuffer." WTF? Who the hell you think you talking too, boy!? Ain't no WOULD; I done WAS the best bagger in my ol' hood. Everybody came to me to get their bags stuffed, hoe. Word up.

Actually, no. I've never been a bag stuffer, but I have worked at a grocery store. I worked at an ol' school joint in the fruit department (SHUT UP!). I had to weigh all the fruits/veggies for all the very-much-near death old people. It was painstakingly boring and ANNOYING. Could never get any other work done (stocking, stealing beer, etc.) because a Granny was always coming up to the desk for a weigh-in.

I stole about $500 worth of beer before quitting by cussing out the boss. He knew I was stealing, but he couldn't figure out how. So he just kept pissing me off til I lost it. I've always been afraid of people, especially my peers, but I used to have the tendency to go ape-shit at authority figures. I've cussed out judges, talked shit to the police and more. I was very rebellious as a youth, and whenever somebody infringed on my purported teeny-bopper "rights," I snapped.

I do not condone stealing anymore, but you best believe I was one helluva thief back then. You'd be amazed at, lol, the thefts I got away with. Once, I was asked to write a statement. Everybody thought I was dumb as bricks. When they read what I wrote, they were like, "BULLSHIT!" They thought I had hired a lawyer to prepare a statement for me. Shittttt. . .. never underestimate quiet people.

Have no fears, because like I said, I don't condone stealing anymore. FYI -- Piracy is not stealing, lol. It's borrowing with the intent to repay the debt upon getting rich.

By the way, the above story was not embellished in the slightest form. Just because I'm quiet and weird doesn't mean I haven't done some crazy-ass shit. You'd be amazed. . .. you all really would be.

#SWAGG!

Unanswered Questions

Why is Gayle King's nickname Hoda?

Does Gayle King realize that her name spelled in reverse is Da Ho?

Why does that one locals news anchor always look like she surprised?

The Real Dog Whisperer

What do ya'll think when you see this?



"AWWWWW"?

You dumbasses.

Yeah, the dog is pouting. But what you fools don't get is that a pout is in fact nothin' but a passive-aggressive whine. Yo dog tricking yo subconscious into feeling sorry for its bitch-ass. It knows what it's doin' -- you had best believe.

Ya'll think dogs just these stupid, innocent pups, but that's not true. They're manipulative little devils waiting patiently for a chance to get away with something. Believe me you.

Final Note: Affiliate Marketing

I've brought this up numerous times, and I'm going to keep bringing it up. Do ya'll want to work piece-of-shit jobs for the rest of your lives or be able to quit your jobs and become full-time entrepreneurs in say 5 years?

If you chose the latter, then START TODAY. Approximately a year ago, I built my first ever website as an affiliate marketer. One year has passed and I am now making an average of $450 per month. . . from doing practically nothing, save for writing maybe 2 articles max per month. For the most part, the money just pours in on its own accord.

Look, if you want to succeed, you have to start grinding now, because the thing you gotta realize is that success takes time. Depending on how quickly you can learn new things and on your ability to work hard, you could quit your job anywhere potentially from within like 2 to 5 years. Personally, I'm looking to go full-time by 2015.

Remember that it takes a lot of hard work. The other day a friend of mine tried to get me to sign up for a program where you pay $125 for access to a website that sells travel packages. All the program is really offering is travel deals at wholesale prices. Granted, that has major money potential, but it takes more than just buying shit.

To actually be successful with a program like that, you would #1 have to build your own website. The "turnkey" websites people offer are bullshit. Real websites take a SHITLOAD of work. You have to write search engine optimized articles, market yourself on social networks (I'm weak on that one) and build quality backlinks. It's a very time-consuming bitch, but I know for a fact that the process works.

It's all choice. I spend quite a bit of my free time grinding on a new, upcoming website I'm preparing to launch. I get nothing for it. I'm targeting an even more competitive market, so it may be 6 months to a year b4 I see my first sale. But I keep doing it and grinding hard because I KNOW FOR A FACT that affiliate marketing works!

If affiliate marketing ain't for you, cool! Find something else and get to work. This doesn't mean you have to give up your dreams. But you do need to have a backup plan in case your dreams don't peg out. And yeah, I know it's a LOT of work. . . working a regular job, setting up a backup plan AND pursuing your dreams as the first actually fly Indian rapper (ain't no other Indian on the planet who as hood as me, best believe). Oh wait. . . that's my dream. Regardless, stay on the grind.

#WORKHARD

n

#GETMONEY



1

Signed,
Socialist When Emo
Capitalist When Confident

PS -- Daps @ Nikki Nikole. But why isn't your named spelled Nicky Nicole? I literally have to look your name up every single time I want to mention you. Change your name, damnit, lol ;-).