This post may be short because my left hand is still jacked up. I can now lift my wrist, but I can’t hold it up to type. Just lifting it requires a tremendous deal of effort. It sucks, but Id rather have a bout of short-lasting radial nerve palsy than a fractured wrist!
I Am A Marketer
I’ve finally figured out my path in life. I’m destined to be an online marketer. I enjoy reading books about it, I enjoy talking about it and I even enjoy doing it. More importantly, I am becoming better at it. Just a year at the marketing game has netted me almost half a grand per month in residual income. God knows how far I could go if I keep working hard at it.
It’s hard to work a regular job AND do marketing, but stress kind of helps. I’ve been really stressed for the past few months because I kind of hate my living situation. For a while, I tried escaping by looking for a shared room, but I’ve given up on that as well. Got love for the city, but I ain’t trying to live with any of you uptight motherfuckers.
NO PETS
NO SMOKING
CHRISTIANS ONLY
FEMALES ONLY
You know what? I would rather work hard as fucking hell to build enough income to afford renting a townhouse to myself than live with any of you—point blank. I’m sick of the bull and the hypocrisy. I put Raleigh to the test this week by posting an ad that was just as discriminating but from a different angle, and of course it was flagged:
“I am looking for a sane renter to live in my 3-bedroom, 2-1/2 bath town home. You will get your own private room with your own bathroom on the 2nd floor. I reside on the 1st floor with my dog, cat, rabbit, mouse, monkey and singing parakeet. No pets please.
I believe deeply in Allah, and I would prefer a like-minded individual, as I do not allow any Christmas decorations or ring tones in my home. In fact, I expect you to never ever wear green and red clothes at the same time around me. Please no Santa hats.
Please do not reply if you are a woman or fat or homosexual, as I prefer the presence of only skinny heterosexual Allah-fearing men, save for my three morbidly obese daughters who visit on the weekends. No kids please.
Urine, sweat, blood, hair and venereal disease tests required beforehand. Must pay for background check, criminal history report, address verification and credit report from Experian. Also, must get nude, bend over and cough on the weekends, as I cannot risk my daughters' safety.
Tobacco smoking is highly encouraged here. If you cannot handle much daily hookah smoke, look elsewhere please. Must also be able to handle strong 24/7 smell of halal chicken.
$500 deposit and last-month rent requirement. Must provide employment references and list of past partners.
Thank you.
Allahu Akbar”
I guess only “normal” Christians are allowed to be discriminating asses in this city. And that’s why I’m going to work my ass off year after year until I can afford to move out West… to the land of the Golden Bridge.
SOD: Stacks On Deck
I gotta give a shout-out – more so for my blog than this room – to Soulja Boy. I started following him on Facebook because I was crushing badly on Kreayshawn, and I know she and him are friends. A few weeks ago, around when my crush was really starting to get to me, Soulja announced his website, and I decided to join.
Since then, I’ve become an avid tinychat user. I had used tinychat before, but I had never been able to find a home. I would just bounce from room to room, always lying in the background — silent and without life. At Soulja’s site, however, I kind of have a home. And I rather like it.
What’s so cool about this place is that it’s for everybody. Sometimes 16 year olds stop by, while at other times 30 year olds stop by. For the most part, however, it’s primarily cats who 17, 18 or in their early to mid 20s. And I vibe hella well with them (wadup Angelina!).
That said, I want to thank Soulja, and I figure the best way to do this is by giving back to someone else who needs help. I have the perfect person in mind. This cat is only a few years behind me, but he has absolutely nothing going for him save for some greasy butt-cheeks (please don’t ask). I was doing nothing with my life at his age, but at least I had an education — one which I eventually fell back on.
How to help is the question, though. It’s hard to reach people, and I don’t have the patience to teach a motherfucker shit. Regardless, I will at least try.
Eat It
Some father ordered a hooker and encountered his daughter. A lot of fools were talking about how he’s a symptom of liberalism. Word? Then what the fuck is he?
That’s what I thought. Glass houses, bitches.
Hard Work
I’ve discovered the only way 2 be happy in life is through hard work. But I done been known this. What’s so hard is finding something you enjoy working hard at. By the time most people figure it out, it’s too late. The key is to try to figure it out early, because the earlier you start, the easier it’ll be.
Here’s the thing. Success isn’t overnight. It takes years. In the meantime, you have to do the worst shit ever: work a regular job (*cringes*). So the earlier you find what you enjoy doing and star WORKING HARD at it, the less regular work you have to do.
Look… I’m not lazy. I’ve worked a lot more menial jobs than people realized. And I really have been through hell. In fact, I deserve having my life story published one day… but not now, because I still have too many more miles to tread.
Life is a bitch. It’s fucking hard. And it doesn’t get easier unless you work for it. I don’t enjoy struggling every week at a dying company just barely to survive, but I have hope in my heart because I never stop grinding toward my dream of being successful.
Sighs… I guess what I’m trying to say is that if you want something (e.g., your own space, a loving girlfriend/wife and a trained dog that actually fucking listens), you have to work for it. I didn’t get here overnight. I’ve scrubbed toilets, washed dishes, bussed tables, wrapped burgers, stuffed taco shells, solved Calculus problems, analyzed the very confusing words of great philosophers and even sold my body (I was poor, suicidal and addicted to drugs, and I just didn’t care how I suffered, so long as my day ended with me doped up).
I’ve been through hell. And well… if you haven’t been to hell yet, then I suggest you at least dip a toe, because until you dive in and start swimming, you’ll never get to the other side: sweet, sweet heaven.
/////////
That’s it.
I love the Christmas decorations in my neighborhood. Ya’ll should host a contest and let me judge. I genuinely enjoy decorations. They show creativity, a fun spirit and humanity. Keep it up.
I know this well get flagged, so I’m going to go out as a dick.
Happy Karthikai Deepam!!!
We at Dicks R Us do not necessarily endorse the Hindu religion, but we thought it would be most fitting to bring up this most totally fly holiday.
PS//
My official Morning Joe tribute. Sorry to make it so simple, but my hand is jacked and it’s a total pain to type. I’m literally typing off the top of my head, because editing is too much work. And well, ya’ll deserve better than top the head stuff.
I’ll say this, tho. Prior, I knew some news from CNN and the Daily Show, but I didn’t know who the House Majority or Minority were, let alone Ghadaffi or Mubarak. Ya’ll introduced me to a whole new world of politics and news. I don’t know how else to repay you other than to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for exposing me to a new world.
The irony? If I hadn’t fractured my hand and ended up in Wake Med hospital for surgery almost exactly a year ago, I would not have stumbled on your show—and Ted Turner talking about a 1-baby rule (LOL). Cheers. (Thank you also to my surgeon. I will pay you one day… I promise.)
Love ya’ll (not really but you know what I mean) @ Mika, Joe, Mike/Willie, Donnie, Halperin, umm… and, well, everybody else!
Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy
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