The Best Of Both Worlds
Ladies and gentlemen, I believe I have discerned an optimal resolution for our current financial crisis.
First, I propose we privatize entitlements and hand them over to Wall Street in the hope that they can double or triple what is currently in the coffers. This will prevent Social Security and Medicare from eventually crashing, which they will if we do nothing.
Second, I recommend that we federalize healthcare and set up a public option. It would curb the excessive growth in healthcare costs, while also offering poorer Americans a chance to secure protection from future illnesses that may beset them.
This solution allows for the best of both worlds—conservatives get a taste of smaller government, while liberals get a taste of bigger government. Privatizing entitlements makes me very nervous as a liberal, but I would gladly approve this plan nonetheless if I were president and I had a sane Congress with whom to work, because the key to good politics, in my opinion, lies in being willing to compromise.
PS – my Fiscal IQ is 85. What’s yours?
PS #2 – Despite my high fiscal IQ, I still can’t correctly articulate the friggen difference between the debt and deficit, lol.
Pulling Up The Blinders
Excuse the excessive use of the passive voice, but I’m blogging tipsy, not writing the next great American novel.
I’ve been on Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitor drugs like Zoloft and Paxil since I was 15. Prior to being prescribed medication, I was so shy that I would either stare at the teacher or look down at my desk in class. I never spoke with my peers or participated in group activities. Mine was a very lonely existence devoid of human contact, save for my mom, dad and brother.
Within a month of being prescribed Paxil, I was starting to look up at the world. A year later and I was talking and developing some connections. Then after a horribly painful rejection from a female, I began seeking out respect from the cool guys. I started by passing out printed jokes and porno pictures. That got me some laughs, but earned me only looks of total disgust from the ladies. This angered me.
By 10th grade, I didn’t give a fuck anymore. Fuck bitches. Money, power, weed and respect, hoe. I took great pride in listening to gritty rap lyrics and getting high:
“That's why we sing for these kids, who don't have a thing
Except for a dream, and a fuckin' rap magazine
Who post pin-up pictures on their walls all day long
Idolize they favorite rappers and know all they songs
Or for anyone who's ever been through shit in their lives
Till they sit and they cry at night wishin' they'd die
Till they throw on a rap record and they sit, and they vibe
We're nothin' to you but we're the fuckin' shit in they eyes
That's why we seize the moment try to freeze it and own it, squeeze it and
hold it”
Mind you, my preference at the time was 2Pac.
Many years have passed since, and now I’m a functioning adult male with a job, a home and a dog. I think it’s time for me to take off the blinders.
Many claim that Paxil dulls one’s emotional senses. That’s the point, in fact—to dull the emotional anxiety and make one’s emotions manageable.
Two problems present themselves, however.
Problem Number 1: Frankly, Paxil makes my wiener limp. Without Levitra or the generic equivalent, I’m about as useless in the sack as John Boehner is as House leader. The other day I attempted to make a self-porno. I lay back on my bed and used my telekinetic powers to make my winky combat the forces of gravity and RISE UP.
But as soon as I stood up to show Godzilla off to my webcam, it started to go limp faster than the republicans caved in to Obama earlier today. Ergo, the problem. Prior to getting on Paxil, I was a horndog. I would get stiffies to some of the ugliest-ass teachers ever, real talk. But now I’m a man without proper blood circulation in his genitals… and it sucks!
Problem Number 2: I feel like I’m missing out on something… that my lack of “empathy” or wtf ever is preventing me from really feeling and experiencing what I should. It’s like blinders are somehow blocking my vision. Am I really without empathy, or is it just the medication? What would happen to me if I were to break free from this state?
The problem is that Paxil withdrawal is very painful and difficult (you have no idea). The one time I went without it for a short time (insurance issues from when I turned 26; THANK YOU @ NC for paying my way since then), I wanted to kill myself. Electric zaps in my head. Suicidal thoughts. Anxiety like no other. Depression. It was hell on Earth.
For now, I’m just going to downgrade from 20mg a day to 10mg a day. I will wait til I see my NC psych in March b4 proceeding further. I regret not bringing this up with her earlier this week, but it didn’t occur to me until like 2 days ago. I was tripping over my lack of sexual desire two days ago (I hate getting called a loser or lame just because I’m not a pervert; Paxil has killed my sex drive, but I’m still a man), and that’s what led me to this revelation.
Anyway.
The Scary World Of Networking
My chief website got hit hard two weeks ago by a switch in Google’s search algorithm. It’s gone from 200+ views per day down to 90-110 per day. I’m tired of performing endless search engine optimization, so I’m getting ready to do something I’ve been avoiding since day one: network with other professionals.
One key aspect of e-marketing entails building what are called “reciprocal links” with business owners who own similarly themed websites. I’ve avoided it from the beginning because I hate networking. If I could, I would operate a business on my own merits. Unfortunately, one cannot survive on the Web like this.
Wish me luck! Thus far, I have failed, as everybody I’ve emailed has either ignored me or told me to fuck off—with kinder words, mind you. Sighs. I’ll keep trying, though! Below is my email. Sorry if it’s not all fancy, but I keep it real and from the heart (and people say I lack empathy?????):
//
Hi,
I built my first-ever website, SmokeWithoutFear.com, a year ago, and after spending months on SEO work, I think I’m finally ready to start networking. I’m a really shy guy, so I’ve been avoiding this step. What with the recent change in Google’s algorithm, however, I think it’s time for me to take the leap and build relationships with other professionals. That said, do you accept reciprocal links?
Thank you kindly for your time.
Sincerely
***** ******
Final Thoughts
#1. I’m so glad I watched Thirteen Days last weekend. It reawakened my love for politics in a way that was greatly needed. I’m back to paying close attention. Mind you, it did help that this past week was so dramatic. I quite love political showdowns that threaten to destroy the nation. They give me goose bumps!
#2. Why the f**k am I always the target when a TinyChat Roast starts up? Everybody acts like I’m some 45-year-old pedo. Look, I want a 21 or older wife. And yeah, I’m balding, but that’s just Paxil-induced hairloss, BITCH! And yeah I’m ugly, but I WAS BORN THIS WAY (how you think my Mama felt having to raise my ugly ass for 18+ years, you insensitive prick?)!
#3. I’M NOT GAY, YOU ASS! I’m just a sensitive romantic with a dysfunctional dick. 1 hit of Levitra and a night with yo bitches, and you’d best believe they’d be my bitches!
#4. I’m out of jokes n thoughts, and I really need a cigarette.
#5. Ya’ll have a great Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and, most importantly, a great NO-ROOMIE weekend!!!
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