Ray Barone: "Writing is what I do for a living."
Ray Barone: "I don't want to spend my free time writing."
Deb Barone: "But you love writing."
Ray Barone: "No."
Ray Barone: "It's--it's torture."
Ray Barone: "It's excruciating."
Anyway. What is up, Bible Belt residents? Sorry about the rant last week, but Raleigh got me trippin'. The weather is too damn cold, there ain't no palm trees and all the women are outdoorsy-like potential lesbians who like to fish (WTF?), hunt (Hell naw) or wade around naked in mud (kind of sexy, but not really).
I prefer the feminine type, but they usually hang out exclusively with jocks, jackasses and other assorted pretty-boy villains.
As for the sexy/mature crowd. . . well, the few who are single usually have a kid or two, and I'm sorry, but I literally refuse to raise a bastard.
The remaining ladies have the audacity to demand intimacy before sex:
Erin: "A woman wants to feel close to you before she sleeps with you."
My reply courtesy of Andy from Everybody Loves Raymond:
Andy: "And I say you will feel close to me once you sleep with me."
Daps!
SMDH @ women!
I'm tempted to hire this one $40 hooker from Craigslist, but she just so ugly! I can't stand sleeping with ugly women for free, let alone for a price, ya'mean!? Plus, IDK how much extra she would charge to do it without a condom. I'm sorry, but my uncircumcised wiener can't feel shit with plastic wrapped around it. Damn, I wish I had been born to a Jewish family!
TV Show Recommendation: Last Man Standing
I thought Last Man Standing would be lame, but I've been thoroughly enjoying it. It's fresh, fun and hip, and yet it still possesses that "Tim the Toolman Taylor" vibe we've all come to love. It's really a terrific, first-class show, and I'm genuinely impressed at Tim Allen's ability to wage a comeback. Tim succeeded where most actors fail. Plus, the show deals with a lot of modern issues, i.e., daughters getting poked all the time, lesbian neighbors (I WISH!) and kids that won't grow the hell up (why the hell you lookin' at me!?).
Plus, the two older daughters are so friggen fine. Where are the women like THAT in Raleigh!? 4 real, though!
4 real though... I can't figure out whom I love more. Kristin is more mature, but she has a friggen kid................. Meanwhile, Mandy is immature, but she's soooo sexy and soooo cuteeee! I just soooo badly want to feel up *COUGH* I mean sample her pie rack!
Grocery Store Recommendation: Harris Teeter
I was very wary of Harris Teeter when I moved to the North Side, but I've fallen in love with this grocery store. People act like it's so expensive, but it's really not. In fact, I spend less on skinless chicken breasts at Harris Teeter than I do at Food Lion or even Walmart. Plus, the chicken is of the highest quality.
Another aspect I like about Harris Teeter is that it attracts classy people. I don't particularly like Walmart, because almost every time I have ever visited Walmart, I've left it feeling like shit because somebody talked shit about me. At Harris Teeter, everybody is so busy with their own lives (these are hard-working people) that they don't have time to notice me. And I like that!
The last aspect to consider is that they offer free samples of SUSHI. Sushi, son! PHEW! And it's always so delicious. Note -- If you don't like sushi, you ain't no real balla! (non-raw sushi, mind you)
Plus, they got a section just for kids!
And oh, Chris Hansen sometimes works there. IDK why. But I've seen him on more than one occasion.
Original Bag Stuffer
I could have done sworn some cat earlier this week said something along the lines of, "You would make a great bag stuffer." WTF? Who the hell you think you talking too, boy!? Ain't no WOULD; I done WAS the best bagger in my ol' hood. Everybody came to me to get their bags stuffed, hoe. Word up.
Actually, no. I've never been a bag stuffer, but I have worked at a grocery store. I worked at an ol' school joint in the fruit department (SHUT UP!). I had to weigh all the fruits/veggies for all the very-much-near death old people. It was painstakingly boring and ANNOYING. Could never get any other work done (stocking, stealing beer, etc.) because a Granny was always coming up to the desk for a weigh-in.
I stole about $500 worth of beer before quitting by cussing out the boss. He knew I was stealing, but he couldn't figure out how. So he just kept pissing me off til I lost it. I've always been afraid of people, especially my peers, but I used to have the tendency to go ape-shit at authority figures. I've cussed out judges, talked shit to the police and more. I was very rebellious as a youth, and whenever somebody infringed on my purported teeny-bopper "rights," I snapped.
I do not condone stealing anymore, but you best believe I was one helluva thief back then. You'd be amazed at, lol, the thefts I got away with. Once, I was asked to write a statement. Everybody thought I was dumb as bricks. When they read what I wrote, they were like, "BULLSHIT!" They thought I had hired a lawyer to prepare a statement for me. Shittttt. . .. never underestimate quiet people.
Have no fears, because like I said, I don't condone stealing anymore. FYI -- Piracy is not stealing, lol. It's borrowing with the intent to repay the debt upon getting rich.
By the way, the above story was not embellished in the slightest form. Just because I'm quiet and weird doesn't mean I haven't done some crazy-ass shit. You'd be amazed. . .. you all really would be.
#SWAGG!
Unanswered Questions
Why is Gayle King's nickname Hoda?
Does Gayle King realize that her name spelled in reverse is Da Ho?
Why does that one locals news anchor always look like she surprised?
The Real Dog Whisperer
What do ya'll think when you see this?
"AWWWWW"?
You dumbasses.
Yeah, the dog is pouting. But what you fools don't get is that a pout is in fact nothin' but a passive-aggressive whine. Yo dog tricking yo subconscious into feeling sorry for its bitch-ass. It knows what it's doin' -- you had best believe.
Ya'll think dogs just these stupid, innocent pups, but that's not true. They're manipulative little devils waiting patiently for a chance to get away with something. Believe me you.
Final Note: Affiliate Marketing
I've brought this up numerous times, and I'm going to keep bringing it up. Do ya'll want to work piece-of-shit jobs for the rest of your lives or be able to quit your jobs and become full-time entrepreneurs in say 5 years?
If you chose the latter, then START TODAY. Approximately a year ago, I built my first ever website as an affiliate marketer. One year has passed and I am now making an average of $450 per month. . . from doing practically nothing, save for writing maybe 2 articles max per month. For the most part, the money just pours in on its own accord.
Look, if you want to succeed, you have to start grinding now, because the thing you gotta realize is that success takes time. Depending on how quickly you can learn new things and on your ability to work hard, you could quit your job anywhere potentially from within like 2 to 5 years. Personally, I'm looking to go full-time by 2015.
Remember that it takes a lot of hard work. The other day a friend of mine tried to get me to sign up for a program where you pay $125 for access to a website that sells travel packages. All the program is really offering is travel deals at wholesale prices. Granted, that has major money potential, but it takes more than just buying shit.
To actually be successful with a program like that, you would #1 have to build your own website. The "turnkey" websites people offer are bullshit. Real websites take a SHITLOAD of work. You have to write search engine optimized articles, market yourself on social networks (I'm weak on that one) and build quality backlinks. It's a very time-consuming bitch, but I know for a fact that the process works.
It's all choice. I spend quite a bit of my free time grinding on a new, upcoming website I'm preparing to launch. I get nothing for it. I'm targeting an even more competitive market, so it may be 6 months to a year b4 I see my first sale. But I keep doing it and grinding hard because I KNOW FOR A FACT that affiliate marketing works!
If affiliate marketing ain't for you, cool! Find something else and get to work. This doesn't mean you have to give up your dreams. But you do need to have a backup plan in case your dreams don't peg out. And yeah, I know it's a LOT of work. . . working a regular job, setting up a backup plan AND pursuing your dreams as the first actually fly Indian rapper (ain't no other Indian on the planet who as hood as me, best believe). Oh wait. . . that's my dream. Regardless, stay on the grind.
#WORKHARD
n
#GETMONEY
1
Signed,
Socialist When Emo
Capitalist When Confident
PS -- Daps @ Nikki Nikole. But why isn't your named spelled Nicky Nicole? I literally have to look your name up every single time I want to mention you. Change your name, damnit, lol ;-).
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