“I'm a miracle baby,
I refuse to lose,
This what the ghetto done made me,
I put that on my father,
Tryna hope for tomorrow,
When I think that I can't,
I envision Obama,
I envision the diamonds,
I envision Ferraris,
If the world was perfect,
All my niggas behind me,
Ain't you happy I made it?
That I'm making a statement?
Take a look and you can tell
That I'm destined for greatness!"
Black History Month
I would like to extend love to all my local Black friends. I earnestly look forward to celebrating Black History Month by your side. I’ve begun my adventure into Black History Month at History.com and TvOneOnline. In fact, this month TvOne is hosting reruns of the Flip Wilson Show and the Richard Pryor Show. And as you can probably tell, I am especially enjoying this portion of my journey. By the way, if you aren’t down with Richard Pryor, then you can’t be down with me! He is by far the funniest comedian that I have ever encountered. No other man has ever left me laughing out loud quite as much as him.
I also want to note how SHOCKED I was to see Tim Reid, Paul Mooney, John Witherspoon, Sandra Bernhard (She’s on Roseanne), and ROBIN WILLIAMS on the Richard Pryor Show. What was even more astonishing was how young they looked!
Anyway. I want to end by thanking Mo’Nique and Wanda Sykes—two of the most brilliant black comedians in the game right now—for continuing to spread black culture to households all across the world. I cannot even begin to thank you both for the inspiration you offer me. Ya’ll are heroes in my book!
White Supremacy
While viewing a Who Dat anthem video on YouTube, I glimpsed over some extremely racist comments being spouted by a young man known as MicrosoftDude (CAUTION: FILTHY LANGUAGE):
“Listen you dumb APE. go get your check and sheets, I think the mail man just came by...and as for a fuk? man your momma is a jizzz hole. LOL stupid retarded ape like wanna be human fuked up monkey mother fuker. your a waste of a human you know your a animal and you are ashamed of your filthy animal race. race war is coming ni**er and you think hitler was bad? BRUUU HAAAAA dumb as idiot ni**er"
I decided to view his YouTube profile and noted that underneath ‘About Me,’ he asks, ‘Why can’t I be proud too?’
Here is my reply:
It’s okay to be proud of who you are, young man—whether it’s White, Black, Asian, Irish, Baptist, or even a pitiful NBC Staff-Member. Go ahead and celebrate your culture, but don’t demean others in the process. What deters people from accepting the White-Pride movement is the Holier Than Thou attitude that you all tend to perpetuate. When Black Americans celebrate Black History Month, they don’t target White Americans; instead, they celebrate their history and culture, which is what cultural celebration is all about to begin with. You need to get over yourself, grow up, and learn to show some respect for all cultures and peoples. Only then will you be given respect in turn.
Racial Discrimination
Last week I inquired into why race-based discrimination is wrong, especially considering that age, gender, and income discrimination still remain so prevalent and widely-accepted. Obviously, racial discrimination is wrong for many reasons; a brief look into the Civil Rights era makes this abundantly clear: Rosa Parks, the North Carolina sit-ins at Woolworth's, and, if you still don't get it, fire-hoses! But does prohibiting certain races from enlisting in an organization make that organization racist? I’m still baffled by this question and hope that I one day discover the answer. I would say YES, but then how would I explain the Black Caucus? Miss Wanda Sykes… if you’re reading this, could you help a brother solve this riddle!? Hollatcha’ boyyyyyyyyyyy!
Transforming Our Dreams Into Reality
We all have dreams, but rarely do we achieve them. Many people give up altogether, in fact, and instead opt to hover in limbo between genuine happiness and utter distraught. The problem lies in their refusal to compromise their dreams. You see, as we mature, it’s necessary that we continually update our dreams by trimming unrealistic expectations and adding along more reasonable parameters—so that they one day fit into what’s actually possible. The goal is to eventually transform our dreams from mere fantasy into actual reality.
For instance, my ultimate dream is to become a famous rapper/writer who brings forth world peace, eliminates poverty, and greets aliens upon their arrival. Obviously, that’s never going to happen—except in my dreams, where I, in fact, already have two babies on the way from my pregnant extra-terrestrial wife (She's hot, bro!). Seriously though, I’ve come to accept that certain things just aren’t possible.
What is possible, however, is that I may become a successful writer with one or two books under my belt. Even that is still quite out of my current reach, but at least it’s feasible. What I’ve done is narrowed my dream by replacing famous with successful; eliminating the desire to become a rapper; and removing illusions of grandeur by accepting that I cannot achieve world peace, end poverty, or play Nintendo Wii with ET.
As my career blooms and success looms closer, I can further annotate my dream by incorporating additional elements, such as the prospect of a New York Time’s bestseller, or even the chance to speak on a national television talk show. Truthfully, I will probably rehash my dreams 10 times or more before I even get remotely close to reaching it. The goal is to always keep your dream slightly out of reach—enough so that it’s possible, but only via a lot of hard work.
So what modifications can you make to your dreams today so that they pose a better chance at coming to fruition?
The Rise of Fox Network (Not Fox Network News)
I am in love with Fox; their lineup of shows has me addicted! For drama and adventure, they have House, Lie To Me (currently out of season OoS), 24, and Human Target. For reality, they have Kitchen Nightmares, Hell’s Kitchen (OoS) and Cops. And for comedy, they have Wanda Sykes, Sarah Palin, and if all goes well, they’ll soon have Conan O’Brien. Phew… they got NBC by the balls, man!
Does That Make Him Gay?
During a session of the ‘Let’s Talk’ facebook talk show this week, the crew asked whether a self-defined straight man who engages in gay porn just for money is gay. My answer to this question is absolutely NO! I’ve known one or two men who worked in the gay-4-pay industry just to pay their bills and avoid homelessness. It’s unfortunate, but sometimes life leaves one with limited options. And as I’ve stated countless times before, sexuality is about much more than just sex; it’s about emotions. If you harbor romantic inclinations only for women, you are a straight man—no matter what additional activities you may have engaged in during the past.
Sadly, society fails to recognize this. Many people view these issues in only 2 dimensions, which, I’m sorry to say, is ignorant, narrow-minded, and just plain stupid. And once you’ve been stigmatized by society as gay, your chance of ever finding true love with a woman ceases to exist. As soon as any woman discovers your past, they immediately say, “You’re gay!” Idiocracy seriously knows no bounds these days!
Haiti Child Sex-Trafficking
Sighs. In the words of Forrest Gump, “Stupid is as stupid does.” Just looking at a picture of the supposed Haiti sex-traffickers, I’m wholly convinced that they are just a batch of dumbasses who didn’t think things through. I appreciate their missionary efforts, but they went about the whole ordeal completely wrong. They’re obviously going to have to pay the price in regards to the law, but please don’t be so harsh on them otherwise. They’re just stupid—it’s as simple as that. DEE TAH DEE!
Death
The termination of existence is one of those concepts that I’m still unable to fully grasp. It troubles me immensely when people die on a TV Show. For instance, earlier this week on 24, a former convict was gunned down by a ruthless mobster. His unnecessary death still haunts me—what if it was me? Ideally, I would like to live at least 120 years, if not forever. Dying is so tragic; you lose everything that you’ve worked so hard to acquire: material wealth, personal achievements, physical prowess, and worst of all, contact with your loved ones.
Dogs
Instead of complaining about having to help take care of my roomie’s dog, I’m trying to transform it into a meaningful experience. In certain ways, taking care of a dog is like taking care of a young child. You must constantly douse them with love and affection, and even more importantly, discipline them in a way that is fair, but not unkind. At first, I would bitch-slap her. I now realize the error of using such a methodology. She’s not an idiot; she replies to my slaps by catching a serious attitude. How would I feel if somebody bitch-slapped me? Well, if a woman did it, I’d be turned on—but that’s beside the point. A much better approach to discipline involves rewarding correct behavior instead of punishing bad behavior. When we play fetch, for instance, I now say ‘Good Girl’ and pet her on the head when she opts to bring the ball all the way back to me. And guess what—it works like a charm!
Jokes
These are all jokes that did exceptionally well on my Facebook page. Mind you, all my friends are just as crazy as I am.
I'm pissed. Michael Baisden, on behalf of women, just asked men, "Where all the heterosexual men that aren't crazy?" First of all, how do you define crazy? Second, crazy men need love too! Third, I may be crazy, but I'm packing some Grade-A, USDA-Certified meat, so come get it while it's young, fresh, and hot off the grill! (I said it, yes I did!)
Today Michael Baisden is talking about why it's important to groom your pubic area "For real doe!" This reminds me that I need to trim the hedges soon. Thank God I have an electric John Deere dickmower with variable speed and detachable ball scrubbers!
So today Michael Baisden is talking about gay men in the military. A man named Charles called in and complained that gay men in his unit stare at his butt in the showers. Look... if you're staring at my butt, that just means I'm doing my got dayum squats right! So gon' head stare (BUT DON'T TOUCH) at this fine bubbly ass! Betcha' if you drop a quarter on it it'll bounce! (Yes, I said it!)
Politics
You've probably noticed that I've completely quit discussing politics. What's the point; those who disagree will ALWAYS disagree! Plus, I know more about Jay Leno's socks than I do politics. So why even bother!? I'll let brilliant minds like Bill Maher handle that stuff!
Stephen King
Every superstar needs an arch-enemy. My default arch-nemesis is none other than Stephen King. There are four reasons that I've chosen him:
#1. He's a Libra.
#2. My brother likes him, and anything that my brother likes, I must dislike.
#3. He blatantly stole Michael Jackson's facial features, especially his big ass nose.
#4. He once made a very mean comment about somebody whom I can relate well with.
Other than that, I have the utmost respect for the man and his incredible writing talent, although I refuse to read his books; they’re too crazy even for my crazy ass. You must realize that there are different temperaments of craziness. And more often than not, crazy people don’t get along with each other.
Self Confidence
It all starts within. Once you truly accept and love yourself unconditionally, you will exude with confidence and draw others toward your light. Some will love you and some will hate you, but so long as you love yourself, nobody will be able to extinguish your flame—no matter how hard they try otherwise. Real talk from Pastor V of the First Episcopal Lutheran Buddhist Church of the Latter Day Hindus.
Who Dat Nation
The Saints are going to whip the Colts into DUST. Why have I sided with the Saints? Because they sound spiritual; plus they’re from New Orleans. Seriously, WTF do I know about football!?
PS – What does Colts stand for?
C - Count
O - on
L - Losing
T - the
S - Superbowl!
aHAH (:-D)
Alright. I’m out of here. Have a GREAT SUPERBOWL WEEKEND!
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