Friday, May 28th | Walking in the Rain (Oran Juice Jones)

There’s only one song on my playlist—and it should also be on your playlist as well! I’m speaking of “John Wall” by Raleigh natives Troop 41. They’re a young trio of r&b and rap singers with the talent and potential to perhaps finally put Raleigh on the hiphop map. I wish you young gentlemen much luck and hope to see ya’ll soon on 106 n Park! Daps also to Fam’ Clik, Tap / Tre Pound and the many other local artists struggling to make a name for themselves. One day this city will be a hiphop capital… I guarantee it!



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Evening! It’s Feel Good Friday, but it feels like crappy-ass Monday. I’m lonely without a dog, Wife Swap was a repeat, Kitchen Nightmares is over for this season and tonight was Kevin Eubanks last performance on the Tonight Show. Sighs. Anyway, this will likely be an awfully short and rather moody post.

By the way, Happy Memorial Day!

** SALUTE **



KKK Gown Incident in Georgia

Catherine Ariemma, a teacher in Georgia, was put on blast this week for allowing her students to dress like Klu Klux Klan members. The Telegraph reports that five students at Lumpkin County High School in Georgia donned KKK-like attire in preparation for a film that included a scene depicting a “notorious white supremacist group which [sic] had large chapters nearby in Georgia and Alabama.”

The Atlanta Journal-Constituted added, “The project also looked at the treatment of Native Americans by the colonists; the treatment of the Irish, Italians, Chinese, Japanese and Germans living in the United States during the first and second world wars; and the Hispanic population more recently.”

The question remains: does this constitute racism?

My initial reaction is absolutely no! A wise man or woman is unafraid to fully explore his or her past. If that entails putting on tacky threads and stumbling about like a racist fool in a controlled environment, then so be it. To me it’s no different than dressing up like Nazis to produce a film about the Holocaust. If you’re going to rush to proclaim this as clear evidence of Southern racism, then your argument had better be more substantial than, “There’s no point in reenacting it!” In that case, I expect you to raise hell about every single play and film ever conceived that pertains to discrimination, racism or xenophobia. It’s only fair.

Note also taking part in such a reenactment might provide children with a much-needed, in-the-face glimpse into the cruel and malicious nature of the Klan. During sixth grade, for instance, my teacher forced the entire class to huddle closely together on the floor with our arms and legs tied to one another. The exercise was meant to emulate what it must have felt like being shipped off to America in a slave ship. It was a horrifying ordeal—and one that still lies fresh in my mind. The lesson I learned that day will stay with me for life! And unless the children of Lumpkin County High School are racists, I imagine that their reaction to portraying clan members wouldn’t have been too pleasant either. If anything, it’d likely have served as a great lesson that they’d have never forgotten.

Keep in mind, however, that several students were offended when the robe-clad students trotted through the cafeteria on their way to another location to perform the filming. Ariemma’s decision to allow her students to wander the hallways dressed like KKK members was outright foolish. Can you imagine Martin Wuttke (‘Inglorious Bastards’) sauntering around town looking for lunch while still dressed as Hitler? I THINK NOT. Pshh….just try walking by me in a robe and pointy hat while I’m trying to eat my lunch…I dare you! I’ll be on you like black beans on white race, and YOU KNOW THAT’S RIGHT! ;-)

Seriously though, we as a people must stop crying racism every time that something like this occurs. I say let the film be produced, but if it’s that big a deal, we can just scrap it. However, there’s no need to fire the teacher or label her as a racist. After having met many racists in my life—especially while incarcerated during my youth—I can guarantee with near-full certainty that Miss Catherine Ariemma is anything but one. She just a dumbass cracker who done lost her fragernackle mind, LOL; I’m sorry! J/K J/K J/K!

Random Stupid Comment meant to just take up space and make it look like I wrote more than I actually did…

Just because I’m weird doesn’t mean I want to date a weirdo. I hate when people try to hook me up with a total freakazoid. Freaks and freaks make a freaking circus—and I’m afraid of clowns! By the same token, when ugly people are mixed with other ugly people, it creates a porridge of pure nastiness.

So if you want to hook me up with someone, just remember that I have standards… Damnit!



Discussing Race

I enjoy talking about race. Actually, what I prefer is to write about it. Nevertheless, many people have a problem with any form of race-related discussion. For example, on CNN this week there was a piece about a scientific study concerning the way in which our skin color or race affects our ability to emphasize with pain. The following comments especially caught my attention:

AntiLibtard:
“Oh here comes CNN with their weekly race baiting crap. Get a clue, CNN, no one cares but race baiters like you. At least a week. They try to carry the white guilt banner around, waving it for all to see. No one is buying it anymore except a few black racists.”

Jimbojonezin:
“ah good i was wondering when CNN was going to publish their fourth race-based article of the day... i love how they always involve only whites/blacks since as we all know none of the other races matter...“

frogs:
“this article is pure bullsh!t. people who empathize mostly with those of their own race, as opposed to all living beings and the environment that supports our lives, then i seriously question the depth of their humanity. certainly they haven't enough to begin with to even say it's lacking.”

First of all, these geniuses are incapable of articulating themselves well. Second, the article wasn’t an editorial column; it was a news piece that presented the details associated with a recently conducted, scientific study performed by researchers in Italy. Third, the only racists I see are the fools who feel compelled to make unfounded claims of racism just because CNN used the big, scary R word.

People like this are in a total state of denial. The irony is that they themselves come off as more racist than the ones capable of and willing to calmly talk about race and how it truly does divide us. Look, I’m a very proud American, but I am also an Indian, an Aspie, a Weirdo and a Legs guy (I prefer nice thighs over big boobs!). In regards to race, however, no matter how many blacks friends I acquire, no matter how much black music I add to my playlist and no matter how big my penis is, I will never be black. Suffice it to say, I will ALWAYS prefer curry chicken to soul food, and that’s real.

Mind you, I’m not speaking for every Indian, but I imagine that most share my food preference. The reason is because we were all raised similarly. I imagine that most black children don’t grow up watching Hindu movies; by the same token most Indians don’t grow up dancing to Soul Train. Look, as interracial couples become more popular, racial differences will begin to deteriorate and we may eventually end up with one and only one race. For now, however, most black kids are being raised by black parents, most white kids are being raised by white parents and most asian kids are being raised by asian parents—and I guarantee that’s a fact!

Maybe islandmommy’s analysis of the situation will make my point more clear:

“I don't think this is so much about ‘racism’ as it is about identifying and connecting with one's community-- so a white person who is used to living around mostly white people will likely feel more empathy for white people. Same for black people. For the past ten years I lived in a mostly black neighborhood (I am white). I can tell you that now, when I see a news story about a crime committed against a black person, I feel much more empathy that I would have before I lived in a black community. In fact I find myself reacting with more empathy to blacks than to whites. I think humans are designed to connect to their social clan, whatever that social group might be-- it probably dates back millennia, how we are hardwired in our brains.”

And well, it just happens that the largest social clans currently in existence are based chiefly on race or religion. That for CERTAIN is a fact! I unfortunately don’t have any sources immediately available to back me up on that… but I’ll get back to ya’ll!

By the way, I take offense to Jimbojonezin. I’ve met many very cool and intelligent Jimbos, so I don’t appreciate Jimbojonezin making Jimbos look bad!

Another Self-Centered, Pointless Comment

I recently stopped watching the Mo’Nique Show, not to mention Sanford and Son, Good Times and even Martin. My TV playlist has been replaced with the Daily Show, Everybody Loves Raymond and Just Shoot Me.

Have I lost touch with ‘black television’? NOT AT ALL. I just got burned out from watching the same shows over and over again, so I’m taking a break. This typically occurs once every 3 to 6 months. I’ll eventually cycle right back to the originals, though.

The only shows that have remained on my playlist for the long run are the Michael Baisden Show (I’ll only stop listening if Michael ever fires George), Seinfeld and the Tonight Show. Those are my all-time favorites.

Overly Litigious Society?

A woman who fell asleep on a United Airlines flight and later woke up to find herself stranded and locked up in an empty plane filed a lawsuit against the airline this past Tuesday. It took four hours for the janitorial staff to finally discover her and let her loose. Before letting her go, however, they ruthlessly interrogated her and essentially treated her like a potential suspect/terrorist. That’s quite disturbing in my opinion—and certainly more than enough reason to file suit. Not everyone agrees, however.

CNN commentator Montecore said, “This is a prime example of why litigation is killing the US. Greedy lawyers, greedy people. In every other country on the planet this story would have been the same just without the lawsuit mention. This is one of the reasons the US has seen it's greatest days come and go. Pathetic.”

Litigation exists for many reasons, one of which is to uphold consumer rights. If I’m on a plane, it’s my right to take a nap or fall asleep. And in case I do fall asleep, I expect the flight crew to rouse me from slumber upon the plane’s landing. It’s their job to serve my needs (get me a banana Cognac, biotch), which is why and ONLY WHY I’m willing to pay so much for a bloody flight to begin with.

Another purpose of litigation is to force changes on businesses known for engaging in wrongful practices. This particular case concerns an airline that acted irresponsibly via its lack of action, in that the attendants on staff should have performed a thorough check before shutting down the plane. If this Lady isn’t allowed to pursue litigation, then that’s basically like saying, “It’s okay you screwed up.”

Writer Jürgen O. Skoppek of the Mackinac Center for Public Policy explains: "Behavior modification is the most critical and important aspect of litigation. Civil law and access to the courtroom are tools of behavioral manipulation just as much and just as effectively as any criminal or other regulatory edict of government. With one stroke of the pen, a judge can change the common law or reinterpret a statutory cause of action so as to fundamentally reshape the day-to-day behavior of millions of employers and their employees.”

Granted many litigation cases currently on the docket are trivial, not to mention a disgraceful waste of taxpayer money. I however sincerely believe that this lady’s case does not fall that into that category. I mean just look at her picture. Does that look like the face of a cold-hearted, ruthless and conniving bitch? I THINK NOT! Just imagine if this happened to your Mother; how would you react!?

Kendra Wilkinson Sex Tape

Why is everyone being so hard on Kendra? She made a sex tape while she was young and now she regrets it. We all make mistakes. From what I’ve heard about her and from what I’ve seen of her on her show, I find her to be very sweet and kind. She doesn’t deserve this treatment and she’s not a bimbo or a slut, so lay off her. Plus she’s really hot and she has a great sense of humor. Added to that, even CAPTAIN KIRK made a sex tape. I mean come on now…



Forex

I did NOT give up on the forex market; I was just depressed. I’m still trading and making slow headway. I’ll make an official update once I’ve managed to secure a $100.00 net profit. Until then, there’s no point in talking about it.

Doggy Replacement

Finding a suitable replacement for El Gringo (That wasn’t her real name.) has been very difficult. I’m quite choosy and want a particular type of dog. Unfortunately my freelance work, lack of an automobile and quirky nature are steadfastly preventing me from acquiring the kind of dog I desire. Thankfully, I may have a chance to prove myself this weekend. A Lady is supposed to stop by and drop off her dog for me to test-run for a few days. If all goes well, wittle Abigail Adams (not real name) will be me new doggy!

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Well, I’m about to get back to playing this cheesy and rather ol’-school RGB game called Castaway. Peace and GOD BLESS all the soldiers who are currently at war, who in the past were at war or are in heaven patiently waiting for their loved ones to arrive.

** SALUTE **

Friday, May 21st | Forget me Nots (Patrice Rushen)

Good Evening, everyone! It’s Feel Good Friday. This has been a tough week. The dog is leaving Saturday morning, I lost money on the Forex market and I discovered that I’ll soon be moving to a smaller albeit more private room in the house where I reside. Anyway. Let’s get to some interesting topics. Unfortunately my humor bone is somewhat dented right now so this won’t be as appealing as my previous blog post.

Ghetto Proms

This week Michael Baisden spoke about kids dressing up like pimps, thugs and hoochie-mamas in celebration of their prom. Many parents find this hobby despicable, but I’m not certain whether I approve or disapprove.

On one hand, the prom is a traditional and timeless school event that deserves to be treated with class, dignity and respect. Added to that, children shouldn’t be allowed to dress in any which/way they desire. And Lord knows that if I ever catch my future daughter dressed like a street mistress, I’ll lock her ass in a got-dang dog kennel and throw away the key!

Yet these young adolescents are verging on adulthood. So shouldn’t they be afforded the right to celebrate THEIR prom as they wish, even if it entails dressing up like a fool? In a way I almost appreciate their willingness to be creative, stand out from the crowd and just laugh at themselves. Plus uniformity bores me and, truthfully, some traditions are meant to die.

Anyway. This issue is a tough one, which is why I’m just glad that I’m not a parent yet! And since black people are currently exempt from being targeted (this is your LAST WEEK off), I’ve opted to show a picture of a white-trash prom instead.



True Equality

After Lebanese-American Rima Fakih was crowned Miss USA earlier this week, a CNN user commented: “I always find it interesting how everyone wants equality and a color-blind society, yet they make a big deal whenever someone is the first whatever-American to do something. The classic was Obama as the first African-American president. If you truly believe in equality and want to abolish racism, then Barack is simply the 44th president.”

I don’t want a color-blind society. To demand that we as people consign the color of our skin and our ancestral background to oblivion is akin to forcing us to cut off a vital organ. The United States is a magnificent country, but I, for instance, am an Indian (not a Hindu) with a rich heritage that includes relatives who took part in securing India’s independence from British colonial rule. If you expect me to just indifferently brush away my heritage, then you, Sir, are in for a rude awakening!

What I would prefer is a society wherein anyone—regardless of creed, race, or sexuality—can achieve anything he or she desires. Although we’ve come far in securing such a utopia, we still have many more milestones to overcome. Until race discrimination, gender discrimination, homosexual discrimination, mental illness discrimination, economic-status discrimination, marital-status discrimination, obesity discrimination and even left-handedness discrimination completely disappear, genuine equality will not exist.

Also keep in mind that less than 50 years ago, our great country was still segregated by the Jim Crow laws of 1876. There are in fact still countless elderly men and women alive who lived through these horrific times. Asking them to forget their past, as if it never occurred, would not only be backwards, but it would be just plain wrong. Truly, can you imagine the ecstasy a 70-year-old black woman who once had to sit in the back of the bus must have felt when Barack Obama was elected into office?

Let me try to put this into perspective. (This is where I try to be funny.) They say that black women have big butts and black men have big penises. Let’s suppose a white couple gave birth to a hermaphrodite that grew up to have the biggest ass and biggest penis ever seen on Earth. One day CNN decides to write about him/her and titles their article, “White Hermaphrodite Has World’s Largest Penis and Biggest Butt.” Then some black hermaphrodite comments, “I’ve always had a big horse penis and an ass like a big onion in need of peeling. So why is this chump getting credit just because he’s white!?” How would that make you feel as a white person?

So now you’re saying, “White people never get credit for anything!” That’s because white people have already done everything. White FBI agents were the first swingers, J Edgar Hoover was the first cross-dresser, Madonna was the first born-again virgin, and Jack Baur was the first person to ever single-handedly thwart world terrorism! I mean COME ON NOW…. can a colored person (my brown skin qualifies me as colored too, Mr./Mrs. Black Person!) get a chance to do something?

These are ludicrous examples (I’m sleepy, OKAY!), but the first one raises a valid point. When someone of a particular category of people accomplishes something never done before by that people—like the first Hindu celebrity to have a sex tape leaked to the media—what’s wrong with bringing attention to it? It’s as if the naysayers want us to live in a world where there are no labels and everyone is exactly the same.

“Hello, multi-colored and nameless entity! How are you today?”

“Oh I’m fine! Thank you for asking, fellow multi-colored and nameless entity.”

They’re trying to turn us all into oompa loompas!



I can just imagine the general response when aliens first land on Earth. I wouldn’t be surprised if someone retorts, “Well, my father was an astronaut and he’s landed on Earth many times. Why didn’t he get his own article? If you truly believe in equality, then you will not make a big deal out a stinking alien landing, especially considering that the landing was WAY-OFF, dude!”

I guess my point is that true equality requires that we first learn to RECOGNIZE and ACCEPT all the differences that divide us. By attempting to deny these differences and pretend as if they don’t exist, we're only setting ourselves further and further away from our goal.

Wife Swap

Wife Swap was AMAZING 2nite. To me, it felt like America was finally given an insider’s glimpse into the average hiphop enthusiast’s life. We’re not gangsters or gangster wannabes. We’re normal citizens who work hard and raise families, but also happen to have a penchant for gangster rap or gangster cars, to name a few examples. We love the culture, but still care deeply about family values and responsibility.

I do feel though that the hiphop family was far too carefree with their children, not to mention somewhat arrogant and narrow-minded when it came to embracing other lifestyles. Added to that, their “keep it real” attitude irked me the wrong way at times. They’ve apparently never seen Dave Chappelle’s “When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong”!

On the flip side, however, the other family was too uptight and rigid; plus they lacked the emotional cohesion apparent in the low-rider family. In addition, the children’s naivety threatened to impair their ability to forge successful adult lives of their own!

What I did appreciate was the low-rider family’s passion and free spirit, as well as the performance family’s open-mindedness and innocence. If only a medium between the two could be found!

Forex Trading

This week I hit $47.00, but then dropped to $32.00. It’s not bad, but I’m still quite frustrated nonetheless. The problem is that I’m relying on too much margin. I oftentimes must close bad trades before the market has an opportunity to retrace its steps. The EUR/USD trend is very bearish right now, but the reversals are killing me. I need to stop being greedy and start trading with a whole lot less margin. It’s just that I’m so sick and tired of being broke and having a car! It’s so annoying having to rely on other people to go somewhere or do something. I want to be MY OWN MAN! Sighs. Oh well!

Tic-Tac-Toe

I got bit by a tic this week but didn’t realize it as first. When I initially discovered the strange black shape stuck to my collar bone, I figured it was either a scar coming loose or a mole that suddenly popped up out of nowhere [I have no common sense whatso fricken' ever]. Several days later, I tried pulling on it and it came loose. I then discovered that it had MOVING LEGS, which led me to scream outloud like a girl and toss it into the sink. I am still freaked out over this! I just hope I don’t develop Lyme disease! God I hate bugs and insects! Fuck off already, you little bastards!

Instead of fucking me over, why don’t you just go and fuck yourselves!??



Social Networking

CNN reported this week that a new social network called Togetherville has been announced as a “new online community for kids and their caretakers.” Many parents are condemning the network on the basis that children should spend their time developing meaningful “real-life” relationships instead. I agree that “real-life” relationships are important, but I also feel that social-networking relationships have their benefits as well.

An online social network can allow little Bobby or Bernadette to chat with children from all across the globe. What better way to expand their mind and culture than to expose them to kids from Australia, Canada, the Philippines or even Zimbabwe?! You know, there is nothing innately wrong with using computers or gadgets to make friends, so long as you do it in moderation and don’t allow it to interfere with your real life.

Note also that some children may lack the social skills needed to express themselves effectively in the real world. By interacting with children online, they can gradually acquire the basic communication blocks needed to establish a real-life friendship. In 5th grade, for instance, my teacher Mr. Ascher spent every Wednesday afternoon chatting with me on the computer, although we were literally sitting right next to one another. It may seem ridiculous, but it really helped me become much more self-confident and expressive. Mind I have yet to overcome my social anxiety, but my case is a very unique and unusual one.

Look, by opening the gates to social networking, we are merely paving another method by which humans can communicate. God forbid we ever encounter a life-form that communicates differently than us....

Leaving out the Dog House

The dog is leaving tomorrow :’(, but I’m searching frantically for a replacement. I’ve found a few potential good matches, but people never reply to my emails. EXCUSEH MWA for writing in a very enthusiastic and open way…. hurumph!

I wish you luck on your travels, El Gringo. May it be as fun and rock-tastic awesome as this young pup’s trip.



I luv yah and will miss you, you fricken BITCH! The dictionary says a female dog is a bitch so don’t ya’ll DARE call me sexist! If ya’ll got a problem with the term, ya’ll betta holler at Merriam n Gary Coleman, aka Websta! (That’s a joke!)

Anyway. That's it. Night and God Bless!

pEaCe OuT

PS – I just read this on MSNBC: “The Texas State Board of Education adopted a social studies and history curriculum Friday that amends or waters down the teaching of the civil rights movement, religious freedoms, America's relationship with the U.N. and hundreds of other items.” I have to look into it, but my initial reaction is SMDH – SHAKING MY DAYUM HEAD!

Friday, May 14th | Be Optimistic (Sounds of Blackness)

Songs that I WANT on my playlist: “Money on my Mind” by unknown and “I’m in Love with Myself” by unknown. Yo DVS… respond to my email, son!

Several radio personalities have referred to this Friday as Jerk Friday. Are they trying to surreptitiously call me a jerk? I’m going to assume not since the world doesn’t revolve around me (surprisingly enough!). Plus I don’t want to make the same mistake twice. Once while speaking to a lady at McDonalds about chicken, she asked, “Are you cooking jerk chicken tonight?” I paused for a second and thought to myself, “Did this heffer just indirectly call me a jerk?” Never before had I heard of jerk chicken. Suffice it to say, I don’t feel like getting busted upside the head with a purse again!

Since we’re already discussing radio, I’d also like to mention a song by Young Money in which he says, “Flow tighter than a d*ck in the butt.” Three questions come to mind:

#1. Why does Young Money sound like Lil Mama?
#2. Why is Young Money talking about a wee-wee in a booty hole!?
#3. Why is his song getting so many dayum play requests from the ladies!??

This is a mystery wrapped in a riddle lying in a dingy closet next to the old, perverted guy from Family Guy…. 4 real though!

Anyway.

Thank you for finally arriving, Feel Good & WONDERFUL Friday! No more waking up throughout the morning to chain smoke and read the financial news, not to mention lifting weights, jogging, preparing reports, writing articles, eating healthy, and masturbating (my weekend allotment of greasy food and alcohol gives me limp dick).



Good News; Bad News

I got some good news and I got some bad news.

The good news is that the darker the berry, the sweeter the juice.

The bad news is that if you’re white, then this is just not your night!

Yep… it’s YOUR TURN, whitie!!

Why did the white man cross the road?

So he could interrupt traffic and slow down the black mayne!

What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?

The PGA tour. (TIGER!)

OKAY OKAY… I will stop before I get flagged! I promise that from now on, I’ll behave. But I do have just ONE more question.

Why does the white man like mayonnaise so much?

Because it reminds him of black semen! (BADA BOOM!)

I merely jest, of course!

Arizona Immigration Laws

I’m turning more and more against the Arizona anti-immigration movement each and every day. It’s gradually transforming from a ruling merely designed to curb illegal immigration into a fascist and dogmatic endeavor to stamp out ethnic people’s right to study and promote their own culture. And I also don’t approve of all the foulmouthed anti-immigration rhetoric littering the net. However, since so many people apparently support the initiative, this portion of my blog will be written with a comedic twist so as to avoid offending anyone.

According to Time, the new immigration mandate issued this week “carries provisions that prohibit classes that promote the overthrow of the United States government; promote resentment toward a race or class of people; are designed primarily for a particular ethnic group; or advocate ethnic solidarity as opposed to individualism.”

First, how do we define the promotion of resentment? Doesn’t every ethnic studies class inherently promote resentment to some degree? For instance, learning black history entails watching the classic film ‘Roots.’ Yet every time I watch ‘Roots,’ I get a sudden urge to invade a nursing home and beat up some old white people (mainly because I’m too weak to beat up some young white people). In fact, watching ‘Roots’ once inspired me to spit in a white Lady’s soda—kind of like when Kizzy spit in Missy Anne’s cup. I realize what I did was wrong, by the way, but it’s between Black Jesus and me now!

Second, when we say we’re going to prohibit classes “designed primarily for a particular ethnic group,” it sounds like we’re saying there cannot be Black Studies, Hispanic Studies, Asian Studies, White Studies, etc. anymore. We should all just accept our status as an American and pretend as if the color of our skin and background of our ancestors is wholly irrelevant. As much as I personally could careless about heritage—other than the fact that I’m ethnically related to Gandhi, which is too cool to ignore—I find it wrong and disturbing that we have become so obsessed with patriotism and sovereignty that we now feel the right to deny people the right to define themselves as they see fit. Isn’t our right to choose our own destiny and beliefs the very basis of what this country is all about?

Third, what is wrong with ethnic solidarity? If crazy white people in white gowns can band together and march all across the United States taunting blacks and demanding the abolition of civil rights, then why can’t Latinos and others congregate to calmly discuss issues relevant to their ethnicity? We have female-only / male-only clubs (Boy Scouts), old-people-only clubs (Country Clubs), fat-people-only clubs (Jenny Craig), couples-only clubs (I resent that I, as a single man, cannot participate in a swinger’s party!), and even a club for heartless women (Heartless Bitches International; look it up!) So why can’t people of a certain ethnicity gather together to promote themselves? Better yet, why is the issue of ethnicity so taboo?

Look, my point is that it seems as if the anti-immigration effort in Arizona is becoming a Big Brother scheme to control people’s right to gather together and share information. And quite frankly, that scares the bloody hell out of me!

Anyway. I apologize to my white brethren—you and I both know that it’s mainly ya’ll who support this (I’m just kidding! I warned ya’ll it’s your turn! :-D)—but this is how I currently feel about the issue.

Doggy Daycare

I want to apologize to all my neighbors on behalf of the dog. First of all, if you have a garden, have no worries because she will not mess with it. My Mom plants a humongous garden full of cucumbers, zucchini, tomatoes, and other vegetables every summer, so I’m very protective of gardens.

Second, I’m very sorry about her pooping all over the place. I wish she’d just poop in one place, but she likes to poop everywhere: by this bush, behind that house, on the Eiffel tower, etc. Picking up her poop requires going on a dayum scavenger hunt. You’re probably wondering, “Why don’t you just sniff for it, dummy?” Well, my nose is perpetually clogged, which is why:

PRO: Cocaine has never been my drug of choice.

And

CON: You have to tell me that I stink before I’ll realize that I stink.

Regardless, she’ll be leaving soon. You can bet Roland Martin’s ascot on that!



Elitism Rant

I understand that watching television and playing computer games isn’t all that productive, but I hate it when people who read a lot or spend all day outdoors act as if they’re superior to me. Yes, I love reality television, I enjoy playing Pot Farm (screw Farm Frenzy!), and I’m a Facebook whore, but I’m also educated, I pay attention to important news events, and I’m interested in the betterment of myself and society. Just because I enjoy certain things that you deem are leading to the world’s destruction doesn’t mean that I’m just some foolhardy dimwit suffering from ‘idiocracy.’



Forex Trading

Talk about a sleepless week! I started with $23.00, added $7.00 on Saturday, made $10 on Sunday, and had a net total of $40.00 by Monday. Then I fudged up and dropped to a measly $18.00. After reading the news and watching the charts all week, I’m back up to $41.00. I’m disappointed because I honestly wanted to end the week at $60 to $70, but at least I ended up profitable. I obviously have a LOT MORE TO LEARN. Right now I rely on the analysts to break down the financial news for me. I need to learn to decipher and understand the news on my own!

Anyway. One goal of mine is to eventually become good enough and earn enough equity so that I can quit my job! This will only be possible once I can guarantee a profit of at least $50 to $100 PER DAY! Keep in mind that although I’d love to trade full-time, I’ll never give up writing!

However, what I love about trading is that it’s directly tied to my money. When I write an article, the goal is to entertain and inform the audience. When I trade, however, the only goal is to earn money. And damnit, I LOVE MONEY! If someone ever invents a blowup doll made out of money, I will have a wife! (that’s a joke, by the way) And do you know what I love even more than money? MAKING MONEY!

I know loving money is wrong, but it just feels so right ;-).

By the way, I know this sounds stupid, but if I ever do become rich from Forex trading, I hope to empower the poor by teaching them how to turn $10 into a million dollars by trading the Forex market. It’s a dream of mine. Although very self-centered, a part of me really wants to change the world. With my luck, however, the day after I finally become a millionaire, Jesus will return and abolish all currency. He just better make sure he has his papers in order; else he might get deported!

Persnickety Squared

A facebook friend asked me whether I’d prefer Sharona or Natalie (Monk). That’s a tough question to answer. Sharona is petite, has thick thighs, sports a sexy New Jersey accent, and always wears feminine clothes with feminine colors. Natalie, on the other hand, is tall (but not too tall), wears fun colors like blue, is extremely down to Earth, has luscious blonde hair, and has the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen. Phew… I just don’t know, man! Can a brotha have both? (BADA BOOM!)

Roseanne & Larry the Cable Guy vs the Amazon Woman & Bozo the Clown

I hate talking about Wife Swap because it makes me sound gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that), but tonight’s episode had me wondering where they find these families. They’re always such opposites.

You know, I like to consider myself a middle-of-the-ground individual. I enjoy being outside, working out, working hard, chugging beer, scratching my nuts in public, and degrading dumb women (that’s a JOKE); but I also love studying other cultures, working from home, keeping a home tidy, dancing like a woman when nobody is around, and being consoled when I suffer from my monthly ‘feminine’ man-period…whoops, I just pooted! (that’s a JOKE)

Seriously, I just don’t understand how these families become so extreme that they’re incapable of seeing the other side of the equation. By the same token, I’m a loner who spends 95% of his time alone, so I’m pretty extreme myself!

By the way, next week’s episode of Wife Swap will pit a low-rider Hispanic family against a crazy-ass White family. That shit is gon’ be str8-up hot, son!

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Anyway. That’s it for tonight. Thanks for reading and have a wonderful weekend! Put aside all the petty beefs and squabbles and just enjoy life! Nobody’s hateration is going to stop my fun this weekend, and I hope it doesn’t stop yours, either!

PS – Tonight’s episode of Kitchen Nightmares was heart wrenching. Chef Ramsay doesn’t just fix restaurants; he fixes families!

PS #2 – Upcoming WAN articles: India needs executioners (Saturday), guy who eats lightbulbs (Mon), Japs and 3D (TBD), Gropers (TBD), Sustainability and Bras (TBD).

PS #3 – I think this lady indirectly called me smart this week. Thanks! I’m sorry for being so shy and awkward… I wish you could see the real me. When I’m alone with my dog, I’m as normal as day and night! Unfortunately, my anxieties overwhelm me so much that I can't help acting the way I do around others…. but at least I have the power to express myself through writing. Before I leave, here’s a brilliant quote from the one and only, 2Pac Shakur:

“With all this extra stressin
The question I wonder is after death, after my last breath
When will I finaly get to rest? Through this supression
they punish the people that's askin questions
And those that possess, steal from the ones without possesions
The message I stress: to make it stop study your lessons
Don't settle for less - even the genius asks-es questions
Be grateful for blessings
Don't ever change, keep your essence
The power is in the people and politics we address
Always do your best, don't let the pressure make you panic
And when you get stranded
And things don't go the way you planned it
Dreamin of riches, in a position of makin a difference
Politicians and hypocrites, they don't wanna listen
If I'm insane, it's the fame made a brother change
It wasn't nuttin like the game
It's just me against the world”

Dear Mama.....

..... you raised a fool. :-D Happy Mother's Day!



Hey. I just wanted to chime in and say thank you for not flagging my um...... my uh....... okay so I'm really drunk sorry...... my uhm .... my fricken ........ and yah, I'm really high too (SORRY, MOM!)........... uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...................post! MY POST!

Few more things.

Should we bring back paddling? I know corporal punishment is wrong and doesn't work, yet I kind of believe in it. Is there something wrong with me!? (besides the obvious!!!!!)

The Taliban think they're winning. On what planet do they reside? We are kicking their little bitch asses! Iraqi kids are going to school. Islamic women are taking off their headgear. Dude... bro... bruh! We're kicking your extremist asses! Big dummies! See.... this is what happens when you let a bunch of mentally ill people congregate: They bond and form a terrorist group. I wish a rapper would film a video in Baghdad — with Muslim women in the background who start out fully clothed, but slowly strip down to their lingerie. That would be a great way to STICK IT TO THE TERRORIST MAN!

Poetry time...

Drugs are bad.
I need to stop doing drugs. But they inspire me and let me release my soul.
I could be a comedian when I'm drunk and high.
Is it an answer? No....
Is it a solution? Didn't I just say no!?
But it surely is a method.
An inconvenient and unnecessary one,
Yet one that works to the fullest degree,
It's like a pill that cures your headache but makes your dick limp;
I'm hungry for some shrimp.
(Sorry, but I had a sudden urge to rhyme, and that's the only thing that of which I could think.)
Life has no answers, guarantees or certainties
It's a trip...
Like a vacation without an end,
Forever roaming about like a moronic dog incapable of distuinguishing poop from brownies.
STOP EATING SHIT, YOU SHITHEAD!
(Sorry again, but I have anger issues.)
When do we finally find release?
When will the pure truth be revealed to us?
Why must we wait to attain actualization, salvation and glory?
How can we rise to greatness if unable to tell our story?
I just got paid. Can't we make a deal? What can I put in your right hand that will would make you forget about what you're hiding in your left hand?
Seriously though, my father migrated here, but we soon became immigrants -- so great is the power of the American Dream.
(migrate means to travel; immigrate means to settle)
A capitalist pig I am, but no other way do I know... it's in my soul,
Money is to me what bread is to the poor... it is survival.
Success looms near, yet for some translates to blind dates hiding behind closed gates;
Blindfolded and confused, they have nowhere to go and nowhere to turn,
Lost we are, but strong we were built to be.
My dick is small, my muscles tiny, and my brain whiney,
But my heart real shiney—
Bright like a star.
"I flash like that!" (TI)
I'm not the truth and the truth is I'm a nobody,
But you somebody, your Mother someone and your friends some people
Everyone something, even the dog... it's a got dang freeloadin' somethang!
4 real though...
Love thyself and life will love you!
It's your choice.
A simple equation exists: do and win or don't do and fail.
To win is relative; but to be happy, that's absolute.
pEaCe n 1

Signed.

Friday, May 7th | La Bamba / Happy Cinco de Mayo || I'll Always Love My Mama (The Intruders)

HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!

I’m writing a relatively short and extremely hurried post tonight because I’d rather spend my time dabbling in video games, chatroom buffoonery and, of course, pornography! Moreover, this is a weekend of celebration! The economic situation in Europe caused the US dollar to skyrocket in value, thereby allowing many traders like myself to earn mega profits by riding the the downwards spiraling EUR/USD train. In fact, within a span of only two weeks, I’ve managed to turn a measly $9.50 starting balance into over $20.00 of equity by just trading pennies and nickels! WHOO HOO!

Now comes the hard part—resisting the temptation to withdraw money. I’m okay tonight due to an incoming paycheck, but what’ll happen when I run out of money or, even worse, cigarettes!? Pray for me, ya’ll!

Anyway.

#1. Touché to Raleigh’s black populace for successfully punking me this week. All is fair, which is why I’ll gladly accept your obnoxious comments with a beaming smile :-D. I’m also going to try to dress better and not reek so much when I jog. HOWEVER, in the words of the guy from Hell’s Kitchen, “I ain’t no bitch, dawg!”

#2. A Latino gentleman I encountered attempted to spit at me, but thankfully missed. He apparently resents my previously stated stance on illegal immigration. As I said earlier, though, my opinion is preliminary. Although I am beginning to swing more against the Arizona resolution—my brother blasted me with anti anti-immigration rhetoric—I still remain overall neutral and non-biased on the issue. Regardless, don’t be mad at me, man. An educated man or woman takes his/her time to choose a side; the worse one can do is rush the process of ‘discovery.’

#3. Why do people keep stealing my dog toys? And what are they doing with them? *shudders* I just hope it’s not something sexual!! [The storm probably blew them away last night, but I like to start shit for the fun of it because I’m a jackass.]

#4. I was slightly offended when someone referred to me as being white (I believe he was being serious, else I wouldn’t care). Just for clarification, there is nothing wrong with being white. However, when a dark-complected (complected IS a word) calls another dark-complected individual white, he’s essentially saying that the individual in question is a punk who’s had it easy all his or her life. The assumption is that I haven’t experienced racial discrimination, financial difficulties, etc. Quite frankly, in our day of age, there is no room for such meaningless accusations. We all—white, black, brown, yellow, albino white, oil-stained black, Mexican American Brown (CHEECH!) old yeller yellow—must work together to resolve our differences. Plus it’s not fair to prejudge me simply because I’m somewhat educated and overly opinionated.

#5. Don’t rally against outsourcing if you engage in outsourcing. Sometimes I look for additional freelance writing gigs at websites like eLance or iFreelance. You’d be amazed at how many Americans I discover trying to outsource web-design and content-writing jobs to foreigners willing to work for bare-minimum pay. Although I don’t approve, I understand why some people do it; nevertheless, you cannot argue against it if you yourself do it!

#6. Aspies can be real pain in the ass roomies. We are anal retentive, uptight, overbearing and extremely insensitive. When confined in a tight space within close proximity to other people for an extended period of time, we gradually become more and more neurotic. During my childhood, for instance, I grew to hate my parents with a passion; just the site of them drove me insane. The only time I ever found relief was when they were out and about doing chores. Sadly, this proximity curse still haunts me to this day. My parents themselves have said, “Sorry, but you can’t ever live with us again.” Yah…no wonder, LOL! By the way, the only time I'm not anal is when I drink, which is exactly WHY I drink!

#7. There will be an Everybody Loves Raymond marathon tomorrow on TV-LAND. I’ve been watching ELR for years—not to mention my Mom can cook some great-tasting bruschetta and biscotti—but it’s only now that I really appreciate Ray Romano’s brilliant albeit simplistic sense of humor.

#8. There will be a Monk marathon Sunday on SLEUTH. That fictional man is almost like a hero to me. Gosh I wish I had a hot assistant!

#9. There will be a marathon in my pants in about 5 minutes. (aHAH) …. I wish!

#10. That guy is lucky his spit missed. To you, SIR, I say that you may be big and tough like the first guy with the bandanna in the video below, but like the second guy in the video below, I’m ready to get down and dirty like a ninja!



That’s it for tonight! I’ll be back in full effect next week! Take care and GOD BLESS THE UNITED STATES DOLLAR ;-).

PS – Feel free to flag this because I honestly made no real effort tonight! I promise to put forth a much more genuine effort next week! For right now though, it's FIESTA TIME! ARIBA ARIBA!

PS #2 - BEFORE I FORGET, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here's a simple but fun and magical gift idea for Mothers into gardening and the environment: Solar Dancing Flowers!

LAST PS – Yes, I’m very hard on my dog. When she leaves and I get my own dog, I will be hard on her too. I’m like that family on Wife-Swap—forever dreaming and forging ahead with too much got dang positivity. Even when I walk the dog, I go ultra fast and keep telling her, “Come on! You can do better! Let’s march! Left right left right! Let’s go! SPEED UP, SLOW POKE! Come on, butthead!” I love her is why I do it! I don’t want a complacent or obnoxious dog. I want an obedient and rule-following dog willing to work hard for hard-earned treats n goodies! U don’t get goodies for nothing ‘round me! If I wasn’t so shy, I’d be a GREAT drill sergeant! GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GET TO WORK, YOU BUNK BITCH!

Friday, April 30th | My Sensitivity (Ledisi)

My actual YouTube songlist is bumping with Paul Wall - I'm On Patron, Likeblood - Money Over Here, and J. Stalin feat. Glasses Malone - STOP MY SHINE! HOOH RAH!

Praise everything righteous because it’s FEEL GOOD FRIDAY! It’s been a very fatiguing week, but I’m ready to party; are you!? Let’s begin!

Pointers

First of all, I want to make a few basic remarks regarding my blogs.

#1. These are my personal blogs, but I post them on craigslist so that others can read them. I’m not too keen on this whole write-a-diary-for-yourself concept because without an audience, my written sonatas mean nothing. (and yes, I said written sonatas, lol)

#2. I usually spend anywhere from 2 to 4 hours preparing a 400- to 600-word article for WeirdAsiaNews. When I write this blog, on the other hand, I breeze through the writing process; in fact, I spend more time pondering potential topics than I do actually writing. My goal here is simple self-expression, which means both craftsmanship & substance must take a backseat—lest my unadulterated thoughts be distorted.

#3. Nothing I say should be taken seriously. Although I sometimes cover serious topics, please never take my writing to heart. For instance, last week I spoke about the importance of learning to learn. First I said that children shouldn’t be given a chance to pick their courses of study. Then later I argued that subject matter is ultimately irrelevant, which in essence basically cancelled out my first argument. The bottom line is that my arguments are sometimes faulty, my messages are oftentimes distorted and rarely do I make an actual point. Honestly, I’m just writing my ass off to pass the time and, more importantly, to make myself feel important and relevant; it’s like getting a natural high.

#4. I’m not responsible for your children. I enjoy covering provocative topics like marijuana, sex, penis length, vaginal girth and Reverend Al Sharpton’s prostate (he has a disturbing prostate commercial that airs on the radio). Plus I enjoy cursing. So if you don’t want your children to read my blog, then keep them off fucking craigslist ;-)!

#5. Excuse me for saying this, but I don’t care what you think. Some people feel I’m an idiot, others think I’m arrogant and some believe I’m just straight-up crazy. Regardless, I’m not here to debate or prove anything. I’m just here to express myself, and that’s it! You can reply to my email address or post a craigslist reply, but be assured that I will never lay eyes on it. I mean no offense, but I only socialize with people with whom I agree because I’m uber passive-aggressive and non-confrontational, not to mention an ass. Incidentally, I’d be a GREAT candidate for Wife-Swap if I had kids! I just hope I don’t come off as arrogant as that freaky guy on the first episode of Wife Swap 2nite, lol.

Subliminal Messages

Most people, especially those whom I know personally, are well aware of my autism. Yet they act as if they’re the ones who’re retarded. Individuals with Asperger’s Syndrome / mild autism are horrible at picking up on and understanding social cues and subliminal messages / symbolism. It’s for this very reason that I hate abstract movies, abstract music and, most of all, abstract art. For some odd reason, however, people love to try and communicate with me abstractly.

I’m a very literal person. If I have a problem with you, I will either speak to you directly about it, or just outright ignore your annoying and troublesome behavior. Since I’m very passive aggressive, I tend to lean towards the latter, which in turn results in me eventually reaching a boiling point and snapping like a twig. Regardless, I never rely on subliminal or abstract methods to communicate a point. If I think you’re loud, I’m not going to act similarly so that you “learn a lesson,” as the phrase goes. That’s just stupid and immature.

Trying to communicate with me symbolically / indirectly only confuses me. I’m left scratching my head in bewilderment, contemplating what to do next. If I’m walking down the street and someone yells, “Wasup dude!” I’m at a loss what to do next. How do I know that they are speaking to me? If I look their direction and they’re not speaking at me, then I’ll look stupid. So unless they actually use my name, I typically just tune them out altogether.

Here’s another example. A few years ago, I lived in an apartment complex where every tenant had his or her own trash bin. Over time, I gradually became responsible for taking everyone’s trash bin out to the collection area every week. Then suddenly a new person moved in and exhibited behavior that led me to believe he/she didn’t want me to handle her/his trash bin. I’m not going to list what he/she did, but I will say that her/his behavior still has me confused. To alleviate the situation, I would pull the trash out his/her bin and just stuff it in mine. That way it didn’t look as if I was ignoring her/his trash bin; at the same time, I wasn’t moving her/his bin. Sounds cumbersome, but that’s the life of a socially inept nitwit in need of a clue ;-).

Anyway. I wish people had the courage to confront me directly. Excuse me for using my autism as an excuse, but I don’t possess the social aptitude to stir conflict. In case I absolutely must start shit, I do it as underhandedly as possible, lol. I’m the type guy who was a tattletale in elementary school. To this day, if I have a conflict with another employee, I’m going to head straight to the boss rather than try to alleviate the situation myself. I blame it on my autism, but perhaps I just need to grow a pair. Regardless, I’d rather slyly adapt to a situation than have to resort to starting shit. Once again, perhaps I just need to buy a clue.



By the way, the fact that I’m using the abstract concept of a clue doesn’t mean that I’m looking for clues! Clues confuse me! I sometimes write abstractly because I get it when I’m being abstract (like DUH!), but I don’t get it when others are being abstract. "Imagine a rain so beautiful that it must never have existed." In the words of Raymond Barone, “What [the hell] does that mean!?”

Arizona SB1070

I’ve been sitting on the sidelines watching and reading about immigration reform all week long. For the most part, I’ve been entirely neutral on the issue—it doesn’t effect me and so I don’t particularly care. However, this feeling of apathy washed away today after I read an article on CNN in regard to individuals of Mexican / Hispanic / Latino (I don’t know which one is right) descent who support Arizona SB1070.

During an interview with CNN, Mexican-descendent Susan Schwartz spoke about her daughter’s inability to acquire work because “she doesn’t speak Spanish.” Plus according to Schwartz and other Mexican/Hispanic/Latino Americans, illegal immigrants are turning towns like Phoenix into “’mini-Mexicos’ with their trash-filled streets and loud music.” I find this extremely disturbing. As an American, I greatly appreciate well-spoken English, litter-free streets and respectful neighbors. Although I was once interested in learning Spanish, I vacated this mission on the basis that my time would be better spent mastering our country’s official language.

Anyway. The aim of this new ruling is to curb the influx of illegals in Arizona by empowering police officers with the right to question anyone suspicious. First of all, I want to note that as a full-fledged American citizen, I carry my State ID with me everywhere. Second, I used to get questioned by the police all the time during my youth—and more often than not, I truly was up to not good! Most importantly, my family legally immigrated to the United States and spent almost a decade working hard to finally achieve citizenship. Keep in mind that both of my parents hail from extremely poor Indian ghettos.

Now look, I’m not saying that I support Arizona SB1070. But after analyzing arguments from both sides, however, I empathize more with the supporters than I do the naysayers. If you speak fluent English and possess some sort of identification like a State ID, a driver’s license, or a green card, then you have no reason to worry. If, on the other hand, you’re here illegally, then your ass is grass. I’m sorry, but that’s fair, especially considering that according to Michelle Malkin, Mexico’s illegal immigration policies are “far more draconian” than those employed here in the U S. [And no, I’m not a Republican, but I am open-minded enough to read and even quote my enemy.]

Truthfully though, this is only a temporary solution. What we really need is true-to-the-roots immigration reform in this country. Until congress gets off its ass and gets to the business at hand, we must work with what we’re given. It sucks, but that’s life.

I apologize to my Hispanic/Latino/Mexican peers. Keep in mind that this is just my opinion, and that it is preliminary. If I really cared about this issue, I’d have performed far more research instead of citing flimsy quotes from CNN and Michelle Malkin. But unfortunately, I’m a lazy piece of shit.



Choosing a Movie

I don’t know whether I should watch ‘Holly’ or ‘Disgrace’ this weekend. ‘Holly’ is about “an American cardshark in Asia who risks his life to save a Vietnamese girl who was sold to a prostitution ring.” ‘Disgrace,’ on the other hand, speaks of a professor who “after having an affair with a student, moves to the Eastern Cape, where he gets caught up in the mess of post-apartheid politics.” The problem with ‘Disgrace,’ however, is that it stars John Malkovich. Ever since I watched the weird and confusing ‘Being John Malkovich,’ I’ve had a phobia for John Malkovich movies. Excuse my language, but that motherfucker creeps me out!

Of course, I could always watch ‘Human Centipede’… YAH RIGHT! I don’t watch trashy films!



Raleigh Global Marijuana March

There will be a march at 12pm and parade at 3pm tomorrow at the State Capital Building, South Lawn. Expect free music and fun times! “Let’s get HB1380 back in the legislature and stop arresting patients!” N u know that’s right! Speaking of which, my glaucoma acting up! Where the weed at!?

Doggy Day Care

This week I was overheard speaking to my dog as if she can understand what I’m saying. Now look (lol), I’m well aware that my pooch’s comprehension is limited to, “Blah blah blah TREAT, blah blah blah OUTSIDE, [and] blah blah blah STOP THAT, BITCH!” However, as a somewhat weird loner, I oftentimes enjoy talking to myself. Since I now have a dog by my side (at least until May 19th), I can instead convey all my thoughts and ideas to her. That’s the beauty of having a dog; you don’t sound nearly as crazy talking to yourself!

I will admit, however, that I tend to anthropomorphize my dog in that I assume her to have emotions / tendencies that are scientifically impossible, or so I’ve read. For instance, my dog seems awfully slick and manipulative. When she’s still hungry after gobbling her daily allotment of Beneful, she’ll just lie there looking at me and licking her lips over and over again. Plus earlier this week, I accidentally lost my footing and stepped on her paw. Later that evening, while playing fetch, she got her revenge by biting the hell out of me as I retrieved the ball from her. Keep in mind she NEVER bites. Awww…. my little baby got her rewenge!



Offended

Each week I offend a different race. Sometimes it’s white people, last week it was black people, the week I came back from India it was Indian people, and this week it’s obviously Mexican/Hispanic/Latino people.

Well, I found this really funny gif that’s potentially offensive to black people, and I really want to post it. So as of right now, black people get a freebie for the next two months. So look out Whites, Asians, and Hispanics!



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Have a nice weekend!

Saturday, April 24th | Motivation (TI)

To the flaggers... keep trying, but you cannot stop my shine. I appreciate your efforts, though! In fact, I urge you to continue because your hate is my motivation. In the paraphrased words of T.I., you haters better get on your job, because your hating is my motivation, in that your hating is fuel to my fire! ;-) [Signed Braxton from the Jamie Foxx Show]

Seriously though (I was just being a facetious smart ass), I'm sorry for whatever I did to earn a flag. But I'm not sorry to the people who just want me to "shut up," because, quite frankly, I can't help being myself. Love me or hate me, but I must be real, lest I turn to plastic. And no offense, but I'm not equipped to live a synthetic life! But I do apologize to whomever I may have offended. Was it my mention of 4/20? Sorry, but for Goodness Gracious... it's just a fricken PLANT!!!!

Anyway. I'm here to stay. Speaking of which, North Raleigh STAND UP!

Saturday, April 24th | Comedic Bit

I’m going to talk about weed. If you are against marijuana usage, then please hit the back button on your browser. I realize it’s illegal and that it’s bad for one’s health, but I’m a grown ass man and I like to smoke a tiny bit of bud every weekend.

Anyway. I was out of tree when Friday arrived, and despite many attempts to procure a bag of nugs, I was still without it Saturday morning. I tried everything—online bulletin boards, Internet chatrooms, and even craigslist—but to no avail.

I finally had enough, so I decided to go back to my roots. I pulled my pants to the ground, sprayed on some banaca, laid a firm grip on my crotch, wobbled onto the streets, and asked, “Yo yo yo… where the good shit at, son!?”

After cruising through a few corners and hoods, I finally stumbled into a black street-level hustler with some product for sale. The quality of his wacky tobacky was str8-up crappy, but beggars can’t be choosers! The bottom line is that when I was down, it was the BLACK MAN who came to my rescue, while the WHITE MAN (growl grumble jeer) refused to share his stash! Mmm hmmmmm….. SMDH!

It’s too bad because I swear white folks get the best got-dayum ganja ever! This may offend my brothaz, but it’s the truth! White-people chronic, which I’ve affectionately dubbed Thelonious Skunk, makes me feel like I’m white! All of a sudden, it’s as if I have good credit, a “ROCKINGGGGG” job, and a hot blonde girlfriend who, incidentally, is battling sex addiction.

Black-people kush, on the other hand, oftentimes isn’t quite as good, although it’s usually almost there. It gets you high, but not high enough to forget that your credit sucks, your boss is a jackass, and your wife is cheating on you with the ice-cream man. When the ice-cream truck turns the corner, she wags her ass more than the dog wags its tail! Trifling-ass cunt whore!

The worst reefer comes from brown-skinned and Asian folks, though. Asian schwag makes your genitals shrivel up, while brown-skinned people’s Dirty Sanchez just makes you hungry for a bean burrito with extra sauce. And both of their stanky no-good danky will make you cough a lot!

Anyway. You know what’s the saddest thing about all this? I was so excited about scoring a bag that I forgot to ask for the dealer’s #.


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And the Dumbass of the Day award goes to….


PS – I totally understand if you want to flag this post, even though you MUST ADMIT it was pretty damn funny!