Saturday, April 24th | Comedic Bit

I’m going to talk about weed. If you are against marijuana usage, then please hit the back button on your browser. I realize it’s illegal and that it’s bad for one’s health, but I’m a grown ass man and I like to smoke a tiny bit of bud every weekend.

Anyway. I was out of tree when Friday arrived, and despite many attempts to procure a bag of nugs, I was still without it Saturday morning. I tried everything—online bulletin boards, Internet chatrooms, and even craigslist—but to no avail.

I finally had enough, so I decided to go back to my roots. I pulled my pants to the ground, sprayed on some banaca, laid a firm grip on my crotch, wobbled onto the streets, and asked, “Yo yo yo… where the good shit at, son!?”

After cruising through a few corners and hoods, I finally stumbled into a black street-level hustler with some product for sale. The quality of his wacky tobacky was str8-up crappy, but beggars can’t be choosers! The bottom line is that when I was down, it was the BLACK MAN who came to my rescue, while the WHITE MAN (growl grumble jeer) refused to share his stash! Mmm hmmmmm….. SMDH!

It’s too bad because I swear white folks get the best got-dayum ganja ever! This may offend my brothaz, but it’s the truth! White-people chronic, which I’ve affectionately dubbed Thelonious Skunk, makes me feel like I’m white! All of a sudden, it’s as if I have good credit, a “ROCKINGGGGG” job, and a hot blonde girlfriend who, incidentally, is battling sex addiction.

Black-people kush, on the other hand, oftentimes isn’t quite as good, although it’s usually almost there. It gets you high, but not high enough to forget that your credit sucks, your boss is a jackass, and your wife is cheating on you with the ice-cream man. When the ice-cream truck turns the corner, she wags her ass more than the dog wags its tail! Trifling-ass cunt whore!

The worst reefer comes from brown-skinned and Asian folks, though. Asian schwag makes your genitals shrivel up, while brown-skinned people’s Dirty Sanchez just makes you hungry for a bean burrito with extra sauce. And both of their stanky no-good danky will make you cough a lot!

Anyway. You know what’s the saddest thing about all this? I was so excited about scoring a bag that I forgot to ask for the dealer’s #.


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And the Dumbass of the Day award goes to….


PS – I totally understand if you want to flag this post, even though you MUST ADMIT it was pretty damn funny!