Praise everything righteous because it’s FEEL GOOD FRIDAY! It’s been a very fatiguing week, but I’m ready to party; are you!? Let’s begin!
Pointers
First of all, I want to make a few basic remarks regarding my blogs.
#1. These are my personal blogs, but I post them on craigslist so that others can read them. I’m not too keen on this whole write-a-diary-for-yourself concept because without an audience, my written sonatas mean nothing. (and yes, I said written sonatas, lol)
#2. I usually spend anywhere from 2 to 4 hours preparing a 400- to 600-word article for WeirdAsiaNews. When I write this blog, on the other hand, I breeze through the writing process; in fact, I spend more time pondering potential topics than I do actually writing. My goal here is simple self-expression, which means both craftsmanship & substance must take a backseat—lest my unadulterated thoughts be distorted.
#3. Nothing I say should be taken seriously. Although I sometimes cover serious topics, please never take my writing to heart. For instance, last week I spoke about the importance of learning to learn. First I said that children shouldn’t be given a chance to pick their courses of study. Then later I argued that subject matter is ultimately irrelevant, which in essence basically cancelled out my first argument. The bottom line is that my arguments are sometimes faulty, my messages are oftentimes distorted and rarely do I make an actual point. Honestly, I’m just writing my ass off to pass the time and, more importantly, to make myself feel important and relevant; it’s like getting a natural high.
#4. I’m not responsible for your children. I enjoy covering provocative topics like marijuana, sex, penis length, vaginal girth and Reverend Al Sharpton’s prostate (he has a disturbing prostate commercial that airs on the radio). Plus I enjoy cursing. So if you don’t want your children to read my blog, then keep them off fucking craigslist ;-)!
#5. Excuse me for saying this, but I don’t care what you think. Some people feel I’m an idiot, others think I’m arrogant and some believe I’m just straight-up crazy. Regardless, I’m not here to debate or prove anything. I’m just here to express myself, and that’s it! You can reply to my email address or post a craigslist reply, but be assured that I will never lay eyes on it. I mean no offense, but I only socialize with people with whom I agree because I’m uber passive-aggressive and non-confrontational, not to mention an ass. Incidentally, I’d be a GREAT candidate for Wife-Swap if I had kids! I just hope I don’t come off as arrogant as that freaky guy on the first episode of Wife Swap 2nite, lol.
Subliminal Messages
Most people, especially those whom I know personally, are well aware of my autism. Yet they act as if they’re the ones who’re retarded. Individuals with Asperger’s Syndrome / mild autism are horrible at picking up on and understanding social cues and subliminal messages / symbolism. It’s for this very reason that I hate abstract movies, abstract music and, most of all, abstract art. For some odd reason, however, people love to try and communicate with me abstractly.
I’m a very literal person. If I have a problem with you, I will either speak to you directly about it, or just outright ignore your annoying and troublesome behavior. Since I’m very passive aggressive, I tend to lean towards the latter, which in turn results in me eventually reaching a boiling point and snapping like a twig. Regardless, I never rely on subliminal or abstract methods to communicate a point. If I think you’re loud, I’m not going to act similarly so that you “learn a lesson,” as the phrase goes. That’s just stupid and immature.
Trying to communicate with me symbolically / indirectly only confuses me. I’m left scratching my head in bewilderment, contemplating what to do next. If I’m walking down the street and someone yells, “Wasup dude!” I’m at a loss what to do next. How do I know that they are speaking to me? If I look their direction and they’re not speaking at me, then I’ll look stupid. So unless they actually use my name, I typically just tune them out altogether.
Here’s another example. A few years ago, I lived in an apartment complex where every tenant had his or her own trash bin. Over time, I gradually became responsible for taking everyone’s trash bin out to the collection area every week. Then suddenly a new person moved in and exhibited behavior that led me to believe he/she didn’t want me to handle her/his trash bin. I’m not going to list what he/she did, but I will say that her/his behavior still has me confused. To alleviate the situation, I would pull the trash out his/her bin and just stuff it in mine. That way it didn’t look as if I was ignoring her/his trash bin; at the same time, I wasn’t moving her/his bin. Sounds cumbersome, but that’s the life of a socially inept nitwit in need of a clue ;-).
Anyway. I wish people had the courage to confront me directly. Excuse me for using my autism as an excuse, but I don’t possess the social aptitude to stir conflict. In case I absolutely must start shit, I do it as underhandedly as possible, lol. I’m the type guy who was a tattletale in elementary school. To this day, if I have a conflict with another employee, I’m going to head straight to the boss rather than try to alleviate the situation myself. I blame it on my autism, but perhaps I just need to grow a pair. Regardless, I’d rather slyly adapt to a situation than have to resort to starting shit. Once again, perhaps I just need to buy a clue.
By the way, the fact that I’m using the abstract concept of a clue doesn’t mean that I’m looking for clues! Clues confuse me! I sometimes write abstractly because I get it when I’m being abstract (like DUH!), but I don’t get it when others are being abstract. "Imagine a rain so beautiful that it must never have existed." In the words of Raymond Barone, “What [the hell] does that mean!?”
Arizona SB1070
I’ve been sitting on the sidelines watching and reading about immigration reform all week long. For the most part, I’ve been entirely neutral on the issue—it doesn’t effect me and so I don’t particularly care. However, this feeling of apathy washed away today after I read an article on CNN in regard to individuals of Mexican / Hispanic / Latino (I don’t know which one is right) descent who support Arizona SB1070.
During an interview with CNN, Mexican-descendent Susan Schwartz spoke about her daughter’s inability to acquire work because “she doesn’t speak Spanish.” Plus according to Schwartz and other Mexican/Hispanic/Latino Americans, illegal immigrants are turning towns like Phoenix into “’mini-Mexicos’ with their trash-filled streets and loud music.” I find this extremely disturbing. As an American, I greatly appreciate well-spoken English, litter-free streets and respectful neighbors. Although I was once interested in learning Spanish, I vacated this mission on the basis that my time would be better spent mastering our country’s official language.
Anyway. The aim of this new ruling is to curb the influx of illegals in Arizona by empowering police officers with the right to question anyone suspicious. First of all, I want to note that as a full-fledged American citizen, I carry my State ID with me everywhere. Second, I used to get questioned by the police all the time during my youth—and more often than not, I truly was up to not good! Most importantly, my family legally immigrated to the United States and spent almost a decade working hard to finally achieve citizenship. Keep in mind that both of my parents hail from extremely poor Indian ghettos.
Now look, I’m not saying that I support Arizona SB1070. But after analyzing arguments from both sides, however, I empathize more with the supporters than I do the naysayers. If you speak fluent English and possess some sort of identification like a State ID, a driver’s license, or a green card, then you have no reason to worry. If, on the other hand, you’re here illegally, then your ass is grass. I’m sorry, but that’s fair, especially considering that according to Michelle Malkin, Mexico’s illegal immigration policies are “far more draconian” than those employed here in the U S. [And no, I’m not a Republican, but I am open-minded enough to read and even quote my enemy.]
Truthfully though, this is only a temporary solution. What we really need is true-to-the-roots immigration reform in this country. Until congress gets off its ass and gets to the business at hand, we must work with what we’re given. It sucks, but that’s life.
I apologize to my Hispanic/Latino/Mexican peers. Keep in mind that this is just my opinion, and that it is preliminary. If I really cared about this issue, I’d have performed far more research instead of citing flimsy quotes from CNN and Michelle Malkin. But unfortunately, I’m a lazy piece of shit.
Choosing a Movie
I don’t know whether I should watch ‘Holly’ or ‘Disgrace’ this weekend. ‘Holly’ is about “an American cardshark in Asia who risks his life to save a Vietnamese girl who was sold to a prostitution ring.” ‘Disgrace,’ on the other hand, speaks of a professor who “after having an affair with a student, moves to the Eastern Cape, where he gets caught up in the mess of post-apartheid politics.” The problem with ‘Disgrace,’ however, is that it stars John Malkovich. Ever since I watched the weird and confusing ‘Being John Malkovich,’ I’ve had a phobia for John Malkovich movies. Excuse my language, but that motherfucker creeps me out!
Of course, I could always watch ‘Human Centipede’… YAH RIGHT! I don’t watch trashy films!
Raleigh Global Marijuana March
There will be a march at 12pm and parade at 3pm tomorrow at the State Capital Building, South Lawn. Expect free music and fun times! “Let’s get HB1380 back in the legislature and stop arresting patients!” N u know that’s right! Speaking of which, my glaucoma acting up! Where the weed at!?
Doggy Day Care
This week I was overheard speaking to my dog as if she can understand what I’m saying. Now look (lol), I’m well aware that my pooch’s comprehension is limited to, “Blah blah blah TREAT, blah blah blah OUTSIDE, [and] blah blah blah STOP THAT, BITCH!” However, as a somewhat weird loner, I oftentimes enjoy talking to myself. Since I now have a dog by my side (at least until May 19th), I can instead convey all my thoughts and ideas to her. That’s the beauty of having a dog; you don’t sound nearly as crazy talking to yourself!
I will admit, however, that I tend to anthropomorphize my dog in that I assume her to have emotions / tendencies that are scientifically impossible, or so I’ve read. For instance, my dog seems awfully slick and manipulative. When she’s still hungry after gobbling her daily allotment of Beneful, she’ll just lie there looking at me and licking her lips over and over again. Plus earlier this week, I accidentally lost my footing and stepped on her paw. Later that evening, while playing fetch, she got her revenge by biting the hell out of me as I retrieved the ball from her. Keep in mind she NEVER bites. Awww…. my little baby got her rewenge!
Offended
Each week I offend a different race. Sometimes it’s white people, last week it was black people, the week I came back from India it was Indian people, and this week it’s obviously Mexican/Hispanic/Latino people.
Well, I found this really funny gif that’s potentially offensive to black people, and I really want to post it. So as of right now, black people get a freebie for the next two months. So look out Whites, Asians, and Hispanics!
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Have a nice weekend!
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