HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I’m writing a relatively short and extremely hurried post tonight because I’d rather spend my time dabbling in video games, chatroom buffoonery and, of course, pornography! Moreover, this is a weekend of celebration! The economic situation in Europe caused the US dollar to skyrocket in value, thereby allowing many traders like myself to earn mega profits by riding the the downwards spiraling EUR/USD train. In fact, within a span of only two weeks, I’ve managed to turn a measly $9.50 starting balance into over $20.00 of equity by just trading pennies and nickels! WHOO HOO!
Now comes the hard part—resisting the temptation to withdraw money. I’m okay tonight due to an incoming paycheck, but what’ll happen when I run out of money or, even worse, cigarettes!? Pray for me, ya’ll!
Anyway.
#1. Touché to Raleigh’s black populace for successfully punking me this week. All is fair, which is why I’ll gladly accept your obnoxious comments with a beaming smile :-D. I’m also going to try to dress better and not reek so much when I jog. HOWEVER, in the words of the guy from Hell’s Kitchen, “I ain’t no bitch, dawg!”
#2. A Latino gentleman I encountered attempted to spit at me, but thankfully missed. He apparently resents my previously stated stance on illegal immigration. As I said earlier, though, my opinion is preliminary. Although I am beginning to swing more against the Arizona resolution—my brother blasted me with anti anti-immigration rhetoric—I still remain overall neutral and non-biased on the issue. Regardless, don’t be mad at me, man. An educated man or woman takes his/her time to choose a side; the worse one can do is rush the process of ‘discovery.’
#3. Why do people keep stealing my dog toys? And what are they doing with them? *shudders* I just hope it’s not something sexual!! [The storm probably blew them away last night, but I like to start shit for the fun of it because I’m a jackass.]
#4. I was slightly offended when someone referred to me as being white (I believe he was being serious, else I wouldn’t care). Just for clarification, there is nothing wrong with being white. However, when a dark-complected (complected IS a word) calls another dark-complected individual white, he’s essentially saying that the individual in question is a punk who’s had it easy all his or her life. The assumption is that I haven’t experienced racial discrimination, financial difficulties, etc. Quite frankly, in our day of age, there is no room for such meaningless accusations. We all—white, black, brown, yellow, albino white, oil-stained black, Mexican American Brown (CHEECH!) old yeller yellow—must work together to resolve our differences. Plus it’s not fair to prejudge me simply because I’m somewhat educated and overly opinionated.
#5. Don’t rally against outsourcing if you engage in outsourcing. Sometimes I look for additional freelance writing gigs at websites like eLance or iFreelance. You’d be amazed at how many Americans I discover trying to outsource web-design and content-writing jobs to foreigners willing to work for bare-minimum pay. Although I don’t approve, I understand why some people do it; nevertheless, you cannot argue against it if you yourself do it!
#6. Aspies can be real pain in the ass roomies. We are anal retentive, uptight, overbearing and extremely insensitive. When confined in a tight space within close proximity to other people for an extended period of time, we gradually become more and more neurotic. During my childhood, for instance, I grew to hate my parents with a passion; just the site of them drove me insane. The only time I ever found relief was when they were out and about doing chores. Sadly, this proximity curse still haunts me to this day. My parents themselves have said, “Sorry, but you can’t ever live with us again.” Yah…no wonder, LOL! By the way, the only time I'm not anal is when I drink, which is exactly WHY I drink!
#7. There will be an Everybody Loves Raymond marathon tomorrow on TV-LAND. I’ve been watching ELR for years—not to mention my Mom can cook some great-tasting bruschetta and biscotti—but it’s only now that I really appreciate Ray Romano’s brilliant albeit simplistic sense of humor.
#8. There will be a Monk marathon Sunday on SLEUTH. That fictional man is almost like a hero to me. Gosh I wish I had a hot assistant!
#9. There will be a marathon in my pants in about 5 minutes. (aHAH) …. I wish!
#10. That guy is lucky his spit missed. To you, SIR, I say that you may be big and tough like the first guy with the bandanna in the video below, but like the second guy in the video below, I’m ready to get down and dirty like a ninja!
That’s it for tonight! I’ll be back in full effect next week! Take care and GOD BLESS THE UNITED STATES DOLLAR ;-).
PS – Feel free to flag this because I honestly made no real effort tonight! I promise to put forth a much more genuine effort next week! For right now though, it's FIESTA TIME! ARIBA ARIBA!
PS #2 - BEFORE I FORGET, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here's a simple but fun and magical gift idea for Mothers into gardening and the environment: Solar Dancing Flowers!
LAST PS – Yes, I’m very hard on my dog. When she leaves and I get my own dog, I will be hard on her too. I’m like that family on Wife-Swap—forever dreaming and forging ahead with too much got dang positivity. Even when I walk the dog, I go ultra fast and keep telling her, “Come on! You can do better! Let’s march! Left right left right! Let’s go! SPEED UP, SLOW POKE! Come on, butthead!” I love her is why I do it! I don’t want a complacent or obnoxious dog. I want an obedient and rule-following dog willing to work hard for hard-earned treats n goodies! U don’t get goodies for nothing ‘round me! If I wasn’t so shy, I’d be a GREAT drill sergeant! GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GET TO WORK, YOU BUNK BITCH!
V,
ReplyDeleteI love the blog dude...lmao@smelling bad after a workout. Who the hell do you think you are? Anyway there are more important things then the green vapor that flows from your body after a workout...lol
1. There is nothing wrong with being white, but I am insulted when another black person says that I act white. It shows me what this black person things of their own people. Do they really think that a black person who speaks proper English is trying to be white? and if so, why? What is wrong with speaking proper grammar and are black people SUPPOSE to be ignorant?
2. They probably are performing sex acts with your dog toys. In fact, I would bet money that somewhere in your neighborhood someone has a squeaky stuck up their ____.
3. I find it funny that when the job market was good no one complained about immigration. Perhaps it is because immigrants were working the jobs no one else wants. Perhaps, they were not willing to work these jobs for the wages the immigrants were willing to work. Now that times are hard people want to complain.
*I do feel that if a foreigner wants the same rights that Americans have then at least try to learn the language. What country can an American go to and not speak the language? How far would an American get in China without speaking Chinese?
4. Let me be very clear when I say this: SHARONA IS NOT, WAS NOT, AND WILL NEVER BE HOT! NATALIE IS PRETTIER AND MADE MORE PROGRESS WITH MONK!
5. There will be no marathon in your pants. Not saying it's not possible. Just saying if there was a marathon you wouldn't be blogging on a Friday night.
6. A George Lopez marathon is far better than an ELR marathon any day. GET YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT MAN!
7. YOU ARE A VERY TALENTED WRITER SO DON'T STOP DOING WHAT YOU DO.