I Am Not A Victim
But unlike Lil Wayne, I am a human being…
I realize my blog post from last week made it appear as if I’m suffering from a victim complex. However, I was merely expressing the truth. So if you think I’m just some spoiled brat who needs kicked in the groin, go screw yourself! I’ve been dealing with autism, social anxiety, and God knows what else for almost 29 years. In that time I’ve found ways to handle it—particularly humor—but it’s still hard. Every encounter with another human being will always be a struggle.
Even spending time with my parents is difficult. When they visit it takes at least 24 hours for my anxieties to dissipate—after which my real personality begins to shine. Though I’ve known them all my life, I always cringe in fear when I first see them because I have to re-acclimate myself to their presence. But by the time the visit has passed and it’s time to part ways, I’m usually my perky albeit goofy self again.
It’s unfortunately a lot harder dealing with the general public. Sometimes when I appear in public—whether to get groceries, walk the dog, go running, or go to court—I overhear something that upsets me. I realize though that the feelings I experience are entirely my fault. That’s just life, and I expect no empathy or even sympathy. I do however demand respect—not just for me, but also for everybody who suffers from mental illness.
We might be slow and even annoying, but we are human beings! And most of us, or so I hope, are just as aware of all the other people suffering out there—whether from a physical ailment, poverty, or whatnot.
That being said, it’s my right to talk and sometimes even complain about my life, just as it’s the right of naysayers to demean me. I’m not a totalitarian fascist, but I sure as hell am an outspoken and tad bit obnoxious guy, and you know that’s right, baby!
Speaking of which, I should stop wasting time blogging, and redirect my energy toward writing a book about living with autism. I’m very unsure about that though for several reasons. For one, there are thousands of other idiots like me out there who’ve already written similar books. For another, self-publishing isn’t a viable option for a guy who can’t even sell crack to a fiending crackhead. Most importantly, I need a mentor. Without one, I’m likely to put together the worst book ever written… kind of like this broad did.
Now that’s a shame!
Where’s The Justification?
I’m starting to seriously question our wars over in the Middle East. This week it dawned on me that we’re sitting idly by as terrorists wreak havoc on countless regimes all across the world. Yet all we care about are Iraq and Afghanistan— two countries that, if I’m not mistaken, hold large quantities of oil and gas. It makes me wonder what the true movie for this war really is.
I love that we’re helping these people—though I’m well aware of all the innocent civilian causalities—but I worry nonetheless. If we’re genuinely serious about stomping out terrorism, then why, for instance, is Osama still alive? How hard is it to just fly into Pakistan and bomb his ass into pieces of thinly stripped hunan chicken? 4 real though…
It just doesn’t add up anymore. I still support the war, but I’m having moments of serious doubt. If you want to remove cockroaches from your home, you don’t just put traps in one or two rooms. You put traps in EVERY room. Yah know?
Anyway…
And yes, I know that I’m extremely fickle!
Facebook Irritates Me
I love Facebook, but I also hate it at times. It tends to attract a lot of annoying people. Don’t get me wrong. I’ll gladly accept anyone as a friend. I know former HS peers who are now humble firefighters and teachers; quirky hipsters who love intellectualizing about cheese, beer, and huge keyrings; eccentric wackos who believe in UFOs, ghosts, and shamans; and a shitload of black people (light-skinned, dark-skinned, and ‘black like a blind man’s vision’-skinned).
I like most of them, but there are one or two whom I genuinely despise. In particular, one such individual’s annoying habits (he’s a former highschool peer) finally forced me to delete and block him from my profile. It was a groundbreaking moment, as I’ve spent the majority of my life trying not to reject others—lest I hurt them like others have hurt me. But I finally blew my cool. And though it’s hard to say this, I’m finally willing to admit that there are just some people in this world who I quite frankly cannot stand. I’m sorry, but it’s the truth.
I know… I’m a dick. Sorry, but his personality just didn’t mix well with mine. Almost everything he said got under my skin. And never once did he catch on to my sense of humor. Suffice it to say, we didn’t click at all. I feel bad about it, but isn’t it my right to dislike somebody? Then why do I feel so guilty?
Anyway. I also cannot stand women who initiate a chat but barely say anything.
Here's how it usually goes:
Annoying woman: Hey
Me: Hi
Annoying Woman (10 minutes later): What's up?
Me: Nothing
What I really want to say: EXACTLY. WASUP! WHY ARE YOU BOTHERING ME!? WHAT DO YOU WANT?
It's like they chat me up expecting that I’ll entertain them. Yo Lady, I'm not like most guys. I'm not going to start flirting with you and commenting on your cyber panties just because you have a cyber cooter that, just to make clear, hasn't yet been certified as a real-life cooter—as it could be in fact a 40-year old dildo bazooka instead. So either make a serious attempt to communicate intelligently, or bugger off already because I’m not some cyber sex toy!
School Pride
A really great show called ‘School Pride’ just launched on NBC tonight. It features students, teachers, parents, and celebrities (the lazy-ass Kim Whitley In Da House, lol) working together to fix up worn-down schools. It’s a brilliant reality show undeserving of the criticism that it’s received by a few assholes out there. It’s a Feel Good Show for a Feel Good Day, and I Feel Good talking about it!
The hope is that this show will inspire similar communities across the country to band together and fix their neighborhoods and schools. You don’t need cameras and celebrities to do it. All you need is lots of effort and love. A couple thousand people joining forces for a common cause is a force you cannot deny!
And I know fixing a school is expensive, but just imagine if every concerned parent in a community put down $100. All that money combined with their labor is more than enough to bring real change to a community. I believe it!
And oh… it’s my sincere belief that EVERY SINGLE CHILD is entitled to a good school and good education. If you disagree, then you in my opinion are absolutely heartless.
By the way, just because I’m a liberal doesn’t mean I believe in ‘entitlement’ for everybody. For instance, I don’t believe that big people should be entitled to their own toilet…
Perhaps they should just lose weight, me thinks… ??
Insanity Can Be Fun
People who listen to Coast to Coast AM radio aren’t necessarily insane. Personally I tune in mainly for entertainment purposes. It makes me chuckle in glee when a psycho caller claims that Obama is the antichrist. It’s even funnier when a purported scientist speaks of a magical crystal skull named Bob that can grant wishes. If that isn’t entertainment, then by Golly I don’t know what entertainment is!
But I also tune in because sometimes they speak about subjects that I find interesting—such as the possibility of alien existence, or the future potential of cybernetic technology. As an open-minded and futuristic individual, I find such topics quite intriguing, though I don’t necessarily accept them point blank; I take EVERYTHING with a grain of salt. I’m not some nutty conspiracy theorist who believes in the Illuminati and all that other fictional crap.
I’m Not Gay, But I’m Really GAY
I’m not a homosexual, but I am extremely lame—so much so that that flaccid penises point at me and whisper, “He’s lame!”
I bring this up because some homosexuals take offense to the word gay being used to describe people like me (lol).
In particular, the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) forced the producers of ‘Dilemma’ to cut out a scene in which Vince Vaughn’s character says that electric cars are gay. I’m sorry, but this is just plain ridiculous.
Vince agrees. “Comedy and joking about our differences breaks tension and brings us together," he said in a statement. "Drawing dividing lines over what we can and cannot joke about does exactly that; it divides us. Most importantly, where does it stop?"
GLAAD immediately fired back, saying, “When 'gay' is used as a pejorative, it frequently sends a message -- particularly to youth and their bullies -- that being gay is wrong and something to laugh at."
First of all, thank you GLAAD for teaching me the word pejorative. I’ve heard it and looked it up a thousand times, but only now will it permanently stick in my brain. It’s like how I learned the word tenacious… from watching ‘Tenacious D’!!
Anyway. All the idiots who call me weird, stupid, and lame offend me. But I support their right to be douchebags. In fact it is every American’s right to be a douche, a jerk, an ass, or a whiny bitch (yours truly, motherfucker!). That’s what makes us such a great country. Freedom of speech can be annoying at times, but I’d rather live in a nation devoid of censors versus one where speech and expression are moderated.
So though I’m down with gay pride (RAH RAH RAH), I humbly must say to GLADD: “SUCK IT, YOU FAGS!” And when I say fag, I mean “an annoying person” or entity. I’m all for educating kids and trying to stop bullying, but this is not the way to do it. And before I go, I just want to say that ya’ll are GAY! And I don’t mean homosexual, though ironically enough, ya’ll are that too.
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Thanks for tuning in for this pathetic post. Like I said, I need to write a book. Sighs. Maybe one day.
PS #1 – I know the pictures are lame, but I like visuals.
PS #2 – I hate baseball. Seinfeld and American Dad were preempted for baseball at least 7 times in the past two weeks. Do me a favor and get your own channel, baseball fans ;-).
PS #3 – This week my dog and I got into such a huge tiff that I tried to sell her on Craigslist. A few people were interested, but I quickly changed my mind. Suffice it to say, I had a moment! It’s that time of the month—for the both of us! And there ain’t enough manpons and dogpons in this house to keep us from fighting. Lord knows, child!
PS #4 – I’m very happy for the Chiliean miners, but did ABC have to preempt ‘The Whole Truth’ for a 20/20 special? Every news agency on the planet was talking about them. I didn’t need a special!
PS #5 – I’m about to post a picture to end this post. I want to say beforehand that in no way, shape, or form am I trying to disparage black people or Taco Bell employees. It’s merely a joke. I myself have worked at Taco Bell, Burger King, McDonalds, etc. And I tell you, folks who work at these places are typically some of the hardest working people in this world! So kudos to them!
Anyway. So earlier I spoke about how we need to improve our communities and schools. Well, I was dead serious. Look… MLK had a dream, but this wasn’t it!
Lawd have mercy….
In the paraphrased words of Bill Cosby, this one is “not gonna be too bright.”
ENJOY!
Credit for all pictures goes to I-Am-Bored.com.
Great blog! :)
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