Anyway. I’m very glad that the Daily Show and the Colbert Report will be on vacation for the next two weeks. Though I love both shows, they tend to leave me irritated at uh… people with whom I disagree. Suffice it to say, reading the news and watching satirical news has left me mentally fatigued. I don’t know how much more ignorance I can handle.
Insane to the Membrane
After a young white woman recently decided to convert to Islam, CNN picked up the story and submitted it to their website. Both atheists and Christians immediately blew up the associated iReport with hateful and demeaning comments.
The atheists blasted her decision to worship a “fictional God,” while Christians blasted her decision to worship a “false God.” Quite frankly, I’m disgusted at both of them. That they are so full of intolerance and hatred that they cannot simply accept this woman’s decision—one which nobody else has any control over—is outright despicable, though it is a picture perfect portrayal of everything that’s wrong with this country.
I don’t mind them expressing their opinion, as that falls under the first amendment. What bothers me is their opinion itself, as their thoughts are about as wicked as Glen Beck’s attempt to proclaim himself the reincarnation of Martin Luther King, Jr. Excuse me for asking this, but have people lost their dayum minds?
A young man named Ashra put it all into perfect perspective this week on the Daily Show’s facebook page:
"Its sad that we as Americans keep going through phases of hate. One decade it’s Hispanics, then Muslims, then gays, and so on. The cycle goes on—those in power find the group that’s most vulnerable and exploits the fear in those who are ignorant.”
He’s exactly right. It’s like we as a nation are unable to function without hatred in our hearts and insanity clouding our judgment.
The irony is that though the Christian bigots demand that Islam be eradicated from the United States, they at the same time expect me to accept the exceedingly annoying missionaries who continually harass me—sometimes at home, sometimes in the middle of the street.
And as for the atheists, I wish they’d get off their high horse and back off religion. I’m an agnostic, which means I’m a merely a step away from being atheist, but I still respect religion. All religions are full of (excuse the language) fucked up shit like human sacrifice, cruel Gods, and in the case of scientology, the notorious Scientology E-Meter! Regardless, I sincerely believe that every single religion also has something positive to offer. It’s all about how you interpret the words.
Anyway. Part of the problem is that people are jumping to conclusions. A blind man was kicked off a bus because the Muslim onboard didn’t appreciate his nappy dog. 1000+ commenters suddenly started claiming that Muslims are taking over the world. And then just this week there was a CNN Eatocracy blog about Ramadan food. Once again a few oddballs came forward, saying, “It’s funny how we keep catering to these people.”
Now let me take a break to give you an example of how “these people” must feel. Back in 2000 I did a one-month stint in rehab. I was the lone ‘colored’ boy among a group of white flunkies (no offense). I quite enjoyed everyone there, except during television time. Once, we were sitting in the lobby chatting in front of a turned-off television, when I decided to turn it on and flip to BET to check out the new hiphop videos. Immediately everyone around me started shaking their heads, and within 2 minutes a Lady pulled the remote from and switched the channel.
Later that night, I was alone in the lobby with the lobby manager, who was over at his desk working. I picked up the remote and once again switched it to BET. He immediately got up, came over, took the remote, changed it to the Simpsons and preached, “It’s okay to watch BET, but not all the time.” Not all the time? I just wanted to watch it in peace for 15 minutes. The most they allowed is 2 minutes. It was a pure example of racism in action that still haunts me to this day. I just hope that the last 10 years of progress has changed Middle America’s perception of hiphop.
The point is that allowing me to watch my program in peace would obviously have meant catering to a culture that they apparently found offensive. However, a truly free nation allows everybody’s story to be told—regardless of the audience’s feelings on the matter. Unfortunately we as a nation are getting to the point where we’re so engulfed with anger that we want to shut everybody down.
“Shut down the Christians!” yells the atheist.
“Shut down the Muslims,” yells the Christian.
“Shut down the fa*s!” yells the homophobe.
“Shut down the n*gg**s!” yells the bigot.
“Shut down the shut-downers!” yells I.
Sighs.
It’s like being free is slowly becoming ‘illegal’ in the minds of many Americans. According to them, the rich don’t deserve to spend their money as they wish (FYI – I’m not discussing taxes). According to them, only certain people can marry. According to them, only certain cultures can be presented through the mainstream media. According to them, everything they disagree with should be banned, censored or just entirely eliminated from America.
The tragedy of it all is that I’m slowing becoming the same way, in that I’ve become so overcome with fear and disgust that I want nothing more than to see the voice of my ‘enemies’ silenced. I suppose that I too am going insane. Personally, however, I blame the media ;-)!
I'm Concerned About My Dog's Growing Muslim Tendencies
All this week my dog hasn’t been eating her lunch. Instead she’s been waiting for a huge dinner. And then this Wednesday, I woke up to discover her using my computer. She immediately shut down all the programs and rushed underneath the bed. After browsing the cache, I discovered that she had been reading Aljazeera.
My suspicions were finally confirmed this afternoon when I discovered her in the family room preaching the teachings of Allah to our resident rat and mouse community.
*wipes a tear from eyes*
It breaks my heart to admit this, but I think my dog is a Muslim!
Awwwwwwwwwww Lawd…. if she don’t take off that hijab and repent for her evil ways, I fear umma hafta do her in like Travis did Ol’ Yeller!
I Quit, Bitch!
Have you ever quit a job? After the sensation of exhilaration passed, I imagine that you felt rather anxious and uncertain about your future. Suppose though you were able to quit your job because you had acquired another means of income that equaled or surpassed your meager 9-to-5 wage. I bet that the sensation of quitting under such pretenses would be akin to having the best orgasm of your life. I’m talking about a nut so deep you see Mohammed! And yes, I said Mohammad. I am not Muslim, but I felt it would be nice to pick on someone else other than Jesus for a change.
Though it may seem hard to believe, such a future is indeed possible! All you need is residual income—or money that makes itself. How would you like to make money as you sleep, as you bathe, and even as you make sweet monkey love to a flight attendant in a lavatory (for the fellas), or to a construction worker in a porta potty (for the ladies).
Well, I’m not here to discuss the 1000+ different ways you can earn residual or passive income. I’m merely here to encourage you to research it for yourself. I myself am pursuing residual income by studying copywriting, affiliate marketing, and website traffic generation. I’ve already spent $50 on books, and I plan to spend another $200 before the year is out. Knowledge is power, Ladies and Gentlemen!
As Mr. Michael Baisden always says, take the time now—while you have a job and things are ‘easy’—to plan for your future. It’s better that you work hard now like the ant, instead of ending up in the cold later on like the grasshopper.
Willy’s Wonka and the Whore Factory
Sex trafficking is a vicious crime for which there is no repentance. When a human maliciously forces anyone or anything—whether a man, a woman, a boy, a girl, or even a poor animal—to do something sexual, it’s just plain wrong. However, there is a tremendous difference between sex trafficking and prostitution. Though prostitution is immoral, it is in essence a consensual act wherein neither party is forced to do anything they don’t want to do.
Unfortunately, the lines between sex trafficking and prostitution have become exceedingly blurred. How is one to know whether the individual on the other side of the network (phone, email, skype) is a victim or just a hoe. That, dear Watson, is the question.
I propose that we legalize prostitution to alleviate this situation. If we legalize prostitution and then make it mandatory for all hookers to register—a process that entails chronicling the individual’s age and background—we could potentially help curb sex trafficking. Let me explain.
Right now the police target all prostitutes just as they do all drug users. Everyday grown-ass women who voluntarily choose to sell their bodies are thrown into jail and prison, as are young sexy Asian men who just want to smoke their Uncle Prasadhan’s holy herbal Hindu leaves in peace.
But if the police were able to quickly identify whether a prostitute is a victim or a hoe, they would therefore have more time to spend going after the real enemy: sex traffickers. Instead of targeting legal whorehouses that have filed their paperwork and proven the identities of their hookers, the police could search out those dens of inequity hidden deep within the depths of the gloomy underworld.
This will unfortunately never happen because prostitution is associated with an extremely negative connotation—as are those pay for the services of a prostitute. It’s sad and unfair, in my opinion. We are all born with biological needs, including the need for food, the need for drink, and the need for sex. Unfortunately, acquiring these needs isn’t necessarily an easy task for men.
And believe it or not, Ladies and Gentlemen, but I too am a man. In particular, I am man who needs food, water, cigarettes, AND sex—despite what others may think.
During 5th grade co-ed sex education, for instance, the teacher suddenly remarked, “Every girl in here has a vagina. And every boy has a penis.” Suddenly the vixen sitting behind me turned her head toward me and raised her eyes as if to question my masculinity. FYI to the googly-moogly-she-so-ugly-she-oogly girl from 5th grade… I have a large penis and even larger balls. “And oh, by the way—they’re real, and they’re spectacular!”
Anyway. I myself haven’t had sex with a woman in over three years. But if I could afford it, I would gladly sign up for a once-a-month bootycall from a reputable whorehouse. Most of you Ladies are probably shaking your head and muttering, “What a creep!” Sorry if I sound rude, but excuse me for just trying to get my biological needs met. Just because I’m a socially inept and ‘lame’ dork doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to have my most basic human needs met.
The irony is that, according to the Kinsey Institute, the average woman in my age-range (18-29) has sex an average of 112 per year. Yet I would be demonized if I were to pursue a once-a-month bootycall based strictly on money—versus social aptitude & class, physical appearance, and money (ironically enough).
It’s quite a double standard, in my opinion. You know, I really don’t care whether prostitution is ever legalized or not. I’m more concerned with the stigma associated with those men who associate with prostitutes. Granted, there are some sick freaks out there in search of disgusting things—such as sex with a child or perhaps even a goat. However, most men who visit whorehouses are merely loners who need to bust a nut.
Yes, masturbation is a beautiful thing—but Willy can only wank his Wonka a certain number of times before it becomes boring. It’s then that Willy’s big Wonka could seriously use a whore factory. Because just as a squirrel needs his nut, so do us men need to bust a nut!
Wow... talk about doing it like they do it on the Discovery Channel!
My Dog's Thoughts on Global Warming
My husky says, "Damn it's getting hot in here!"
But seriously, I don’t know whether global warming really is occurring or not, but I am certain that we as humans are negatively affecting the Earth’s climate. If you’re so naïve as to believe that pollution and deforestation are entirely harmless, then remind me to blow a whiff of smoke in your face the next time we meet. “Don’t worry. Second-hand smoke can’t hurt you buddy!” Just because what you don’t know can’t hurt you doesn’t mean it can’t hurt others (including other things) around you.
Texting for Crack
There was a CNN piece this week about teenagers using text-messaging codes to talk about drugs and sex with their peers—without their parents knowing. What pissed me off was the ridiculous response. 1000+ know-it-alls came out of the woodwork to complain that the article was full of shit.
And then suddenly a 15-year-old child with the writing ability of a college graduate pops up out of nowhere and notes how he or she has never seen anyone text like that. Not to chastise an intelligent youth, but if you’re smart enough to speak so eloquently at such a young age, then I doubt you’re the type of kid out there engaging in elicit activities.
As a former bonehead who did this, that, and a third, I tried everything possible to hide my illegal activities from my parents. Thankfully they had great investigative skills—and they still do to this day, which is why I’ve given up on even trying to lie to them, lol. My point is that you shouldn’t discount a story merely because it doesn’t apply to you!
Just Say No to the N Word
I’ve completely stopped using the n word. Once in awhile, I catch myself using it on Tosh.O’s facebook blog, but I am nonetheless maintaining a concerted effort to eliminate it entirely from my vocabulary. Not a single one of us—black, white, Asian, etc—need to be using such a foul word. I used to defend usage of the n-gga version of the word, but as I’m getting older, I’m beginning to see the error of my ways.
Check out this video for more information.
Regarding Blenn Geck (Cousin of the Geico Gecko)
I sincerely don’t mind Glenn Beck as an entertainer, in that it would be hella fun to watch his show while tripping on LSD pills and sitting in a room with disco lights blazing. I can picture myself perched at my seat, with my eyes glued onto Beck, and my lips chanting, “Grant me wisdom, holy one!” However, upon waking up, I would laugh away all the stupidity and return to reality.
What’s so disturbing though is how many people in America actually take him seriously. Either they’re perpetually high, or they’re just stupid.
Regardless, I completely disagree with Beck’s upcoming rally in Washington, DC, but I do support his right to congregate wherever he pleases. I personally will be rooting for the Rev’s rally instead, though. I just hope no violence breaks out. If both sides are truly congregating for peace, then let there be… PEACE!
My Butt is Still Tight, and You Know That’s Right
I strongly believe that intelligent life exists in the universe. However, I give no credence to the paranoid theories regarding UFOs and alien abductions. I spent my entire childhood tucking myself deep into my blankets before 1am because I heard that’s when abductions occur. Since I’m still here and my anus is ultra-ultra-tight, I’ve lost any belief whatsoever in alien visitations. As for UFOs, I sincerely believe they’re just secret military aircraft being driven by bored soldiers who’ve been drinking too much coffee.
Regardless, if I did ever meet an alien, I wouldn’t be afraid. Instead I’d light up a cigarette and then offer them one. The only thing to fear is fear itself—and not a little midget-ass green man in need of a pair of draws to hide his ridiculous tiny wee-wee.
CNN Moderation Out of Control!
Did you know that you cannot use the word ‘sex’ in a CNN comment? Excuse me, but who the hell is CNN catering to… middle school students!? That I have to replace sex with ‘the wild thing’ or ‘Mr. Nasty Time’ is quite disturbing, not to mention annoying. I constantly have to rewrite my CNN comments so that they’ll pass through their rigid moderation system. It’s just plain asinine!
Who the heck do I look like… Ralphie!?
Pornography versus Hiphopography
I don’t understand how people can lament over the misogynic images portrayed in hiphop videos, and then turn around to watch a BangBros film featuring a barely-legal woman bent over while a guy stuffs her crotch. It’s such outright hypocrisy. At least the women pictured in music videos aren’t butt naked or, God Forbid, tied up in an awkward position.
Hiphop seeks to celebrate everything about life, including sexuality, whereas pornography is just downright dirty and nasty—though I love it nonetheless. My point is that if you hate the misogyny in hiphop, but you watch pornographic films, then you, Sir or Madam, are full of shit!
North America is not the Middle East
After expressing my dismay on facebook over people’s ignorant attitudes toward the white woman who became a Muslim, my very good albeit annoying Republican friend brought up a fascinating question.
He said, “I don't know man, do you know what happens to people who convert from Islam to Christianity? While that is certainly wrong to demean anybody, it is far far worse treatment. :-O”
Granted, if someone in the Middle East switched up their religion, they would likely be tortured to death. However, the United States is NOT Iraq, is NOT Afghanistan, and is NOT Iran. We are a free nation based on liberty and spiritual freedom for all.
And though I don’t know how an American Muslim would react, I strongly believe that most moderate Muslims in our country would accept a friend’s decision to become a Christian—though they may not necessarily support it.
It doesn’t matter anyways because two rights never make a wrong. You cannot YOU CANNOT YOU CANNOT defend a wrong by citing another wrong. That’s preposterous!
Speaking of which….
Here's Another Oldie, but a Goodie
Does my intolerance for others’ intolerance make me a hypocrite?
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That’s all I got this week. I’m tired. Each week my dog is getting in better and better shape from jogging, while my body stays the same due to smoking. She’s got me running so hard that I feel exhausted all the time!
PS #1 – This wasn’t a very good post. It was a struggle to even put it together. I could have just taken a week off, but I decided to take a gamble instead. If you end up not liking it, I completely understand—because I personally don’t like it that much either. To me it lacks substance and, more importantly, COMEDY! My jokes this week suck, lol. Oh well!
PS #2 – Here’s a SIMPLE guide to getting the most out of life.
Remember, keep it simple!
PS #3 – My hiphop song of the week is ‘Lotta Money’ by former Crime-Mob member Diamond. I despise the lyrics because I’m a broke-down bum with no monetary substance to offer. However, the beat is absolutely amazing! It takes me back to the ‘Knuck if You Buck’ days… sighs… how the times have changed!
PS #4 – R.I.P. to Doctor Martin Luther King, Jr.
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